The drama never seems to end

[Lissy]

I think some of you may remember my story, but for those that don't, here is the short version. I found out that my fiance was cheating on me back in June and I left him. The woman he cheated with is a member of an internet chat forum where my fiance and I were both Webmasters (we started the site together). It's like a big cyber-family, many of us have met each other in person and we've been on the same board for close to 5 years now. I call many of the members my friends. Anyway, the woman he cheated with was also in a LT relationship, so they both cheated on their SOs. Her boyfriend was never a member of the site, but he had been to some of the get-togethers with her, so many of the members have met him. Although I have never met him and neither has my fiance.

 

Last night, he created a username on the site and posted the following message:

 

I HOPE THE PEOPLE ON THIS SITE KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN AND SUFFERING I HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS YEAR.THIS WILL BE MY ONE AND ONLY POST. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT TALKING TO PEOPLE ON THIS SITE INSTEAD OF TALKING TO YOUR LOVED ONES IS NOT GOOD FOR RELATIONSHIPS. I LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE TO THAT. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES IN LIFE. I LEARNED THE HARD WAY. I HOPE YOUR NEXT YEAR IS BETTER THAN MY LAST.

 

I felt so terrible for him! But it begs the question - why would a guy stew over this for 6 months and not post anything until now? I have often wondered if she lied to him when she broke up with him and just told him she wanted out, not that she had been having an affair. I am the one who found out about the affair on my own and once I ended things with my fiance, she immediately ended things with her boyfriend. Ladies, if you were in her shoes and read this, would it affect you in any way? Seeing him call you the love of his life? I think it would affect me in a big way.

[SapphireNoir10]

I think she probably doesnt have much integrity if she was seeing your boyfriend behind yours and his back.

 

People often get a thrill out of cheating...are her and your boyfriend together now? If so she probably doesnt care about the trail she left behind her.

 

Fair enough if they fell in love, but as soon as you want to be with someone el se you should tell your SO and then pursue the other.

[savignon]

She may have been the "love of his life" (but I doubt it...more like, "so far") but she clearly didn't regard him as the same. It's entirely reasonable that he would stew over this for 6 months...people get particularly reflective/sad on New Year's Eve/Day when they look back on the past year. Consider yourself lucky that you're not still carrying around such sadness and have made room in your life for a non-cheater! I would agree with that fiancee/boyfriend of hers though and avoid those gaming sites as a resource for meeting quality partners. I've never joined one but this site (ENA) is FULL of stories about the cheating that goes on...it seems a little toxic.

[Lissy]

Yes, my ex-fiance and this woman are still seeing each other. But it's a LDR, she lives in another state over 1000 miles away. And I know for a fact my ex is now cheating on her. He has been since the start. She found out about it the first time and forgave him, but he's still doing it and she's too stupid to see it. I guess it makes sense that her ex-boyfriend would still be so hurt after 6 months. I was with my fiance for a little over 3 years, but they were together for over 11 years. That's a long time. I don't know this woman that well, I've met her twice in the past, but we were never friends. I just know that reading her ex's post broke my heart and I don't even know him! But she did pursue my ex-fiance knowing full well he was engaged, so maybe she is heartless.

[Lissy]

Ugh, I don't know what to do. This morning, this woman's ex-boyfriend sent me a private message on the site. He told me that he just found out about her affair with my ex on New Year's Eve. He said he has gone all these months wondering what he did wrong. I feel terrible. Here all this time I thought he was lucky in that he didn't have to find out the way I did. How could this woman be so cruel? Did she really think he would never find out? It just shows me that she and my ex are two of a kind and they deserve each other. They're both cowards and liars. I wasn't quite sure what to say back to her ex, so I just told him I was sorry and not to worry, they aren't as happy as he might think. I also told him we both deserve better. Poor guy, it must be like the breakup is happening all over again for him.

[dur-LiveIt]

Hey Lissy,

 

Maybe you should avoid going to that site? Do NC on the site. It is the messages through it that is creating all the drama. I would say just don't go there, drama removed.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Lissy]

I probably should have done that in the beginning. But now, I'm OK. If this had happened a couple of months ago, I probably would have broken down and had a complete emotional setback. But now I just feel bad for him. He is where I was not so long ago and I know how much I was hurting then. I will not leave the site. I have several friends there and I'm not the one who did anything wrong. It just seems like every time I think things are calming down, that there can't possibly be anymore secrets to pop up, they do. It's frustrating.

[dur-LiveIt]

Do you have the option of continuing your friendships with people on "the site" that you care about, but, through other, more direct means? I mean, get their personal email addresses and communicate that way? I hear you getting all wrapped up in this other person's pain, which, in some ways is yours as well. It is one degree of separation from the pain of your breakup. I wish the best for you and hope you can separate yourself in any means possible from all the drama. Good luck to you.