mandyc Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been together almost 7 months now. I am so much in love with him and I he is the one I will marry someday. Heres where the problem comes in.... I was his first sexual experience and he didn't really do much with other girls until me. I feel like if we take it to the next level, which we talk about, that he will later regret only having had one partner. So I feel like I should let him have other experiences before he fully commits. He always says that I am the one for him and that he doesn't want anyone besides me and that I should stop thinking this way. I am leaving for a 3 month trip soon and I think this is the time to "take a break". It kills me to know he'd be with other girls, but it worries me more that in a few years he will start wondering if he's missed out. I am scared that it could lead to cheating. He isn't at all a guy who would do that, but you never know in the future. So do I let him go while I am gone? If we are really going to get married then he will still be here when I get back (which he tells me all the time). But what do I do? Would you feel like you missed out if you only had one partner? Any advice is much appreciated! Link to comment
DN Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 I think you should respect him enough to trust his decision. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Trust him. My boyfriends the same. Im his first. I often wonder if he'll want to experiment. But he loves me, and I trust what he says, which is that he just wants to be with me. Chances are him experimenting would ruin your relationship as you'd hardly want to know who he'd slept with, and thinking about him being with other women would torture you if you love him. So just let him live his life, with you, which is what he wants. Link to comment
Portage Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 If you find out he has experimented during those three months can you let it go?? Or would you obsess and picture his conquests in your head? I'd drive myself batty. I don't think i could be that laid back if i loved my partner. I know of other couples still together after 30 plus years of marriage, never knowing another partner physically. Give him some credit in trusting he knows his own mind, and love for you. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 The feeling that you've "missed out" usually comes much later (not in the beginning of a relationship...that high lasts quite awhile)...and you can't prevent that one day he might feel that way (he very well may not...but why spend all this energy worrying about it??). Trust and believe him when he tells you he only wants you. If my boyfriend told me to go sleep with other guys I'd be devastated!! Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Bad idea. If he's committed to you hold him to it, why tempt him? Some guys aren't out to get as much "*****" as they can." Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 So I feel like I should let him have other experiences before he fully commits. He always says that I am the one for him and that he doesn't want anyone besides me and that I should stop thinking this way. Listen to what he's telling you. Some people are just not interested in sleeping around before they settle down. To be honest, I'd have been just as happy to have met my husband first, have him be my only one, and then to have married him. Your guy isn't interested in sleeping around, he wants you. I think you'd be making a big mistake by pushing him away, and I don't understand why if you love him you'd want to invite him to have sex with other people, knowing it's not what he wants. Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Listen to what he's telling you. Some people are just not interested in sleeping around before they settle down. To be honest, I'd have been just as happy to have met my husband first, have him be my only one, and then to have married him. Your guy isn't interested in sleeping around, he wants you. I think you'd be making a big mistake by pushing him away, and I don't understand why if you love him you'd want to invite him to have sex with other people, knowing it's not what he wants. Read this, this is exactly right. Believe it or not there are guys who actually want to be completely faithful and wouldn't think of anyone else. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 There are plenty of people out there who have been well-experienced with others before getting married and still feel like they are missing out on sampling others...so they stray. It is not the level of experience that will have a person think of straying, it is how he feels about the person he is with and how he feels about himself/herself. I would not suggest an open relationship...it will do major damage to how you feel when you get intimate with him. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 You need to respect his decisions and not try to make them for him. Ultimately, I wonder if this isn't your way of testing him, or possibly getting some space to experiment yourself. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Experimenting, sewing wild oats, or however one chooses to frame it... is overrated, IMO. Not everyone is interested in that. Link to comment
mandyc Posted January 2, 2009 Author Share Posted January 2, 2009 Thanks so much for responding. I feel a lot better, I really don't know if I could handle it if he did get with other girls, but I don't want him to feel trapped either. I will just listen to him and believe he wants to be with me. I guess I just have it in my head that guys just care about sex more than women.... But he is perfect for me and I don't want to make the mistake of letting him go. Thanks everyone! Link to comment
mr_iwi Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I'd feel like I missed out if I'd only had one partner. But the question you should ask is "Would he feel like he's missed out on something having only had one partner?" Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I'd feel like I missed out if I'd only had one partner. But the question you should ask is "Would he feel like he's missed out on something having only had one partner?" The question she has to ask is "if he wants to be with me and has expressed no desires to the contrary, who am I to make the choice for him?" Link to comment
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