The Infamous "I Want a Break"

[NoCalories]

Hi, I'm really looking for someones opinion on this. I've been asking what people would do in my situation and most of my friends say to break it off.

 

My girlfriend of 2 years has asked me for a break. Her reason was that she is not treating me well and would like to feel like she is losing me in order to appreciate me more. I totally understand this 100% percent and it makes sense with some of the fights we have been having. My problem is we are 7000km apart and I don't feel this relationship can ever be rekindled with the distance. I won't see her again until Feb, and thats only for a week. I'm split between my pride and my heart. On one hand I would dump her for the simple fact that I feel she is running away from our problems and not talking them out with me. Instead she is staying up drinking everynight. But on the other side I do love her and would be very upset if I ended things with her.

 

Just wondering, what would other people do in my situation? ](*,)

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

I would dump her. She wants to be single but doesn't want to feel guilty - so she is pretending it is for your benefit that she is doing this.

[NoCalories]

Talking to her now and yet again she is going to go out drinking. I will break up tomorrow unless I talk myself out of it again.

[Hope75]

So let me get this straight-- she dumped you because she treats you like crap, and she wants to learn to appreciate you by losing you?

 

I smell BS.

 

I would end it if I were you.

[savignon]

^^^ well said!! If she's asked for a 'break' she's essentialy already broken things off so you don't have such a big decision to make. If she can only appreciate you by losing you, is that really the kind of relationship you want?? She's already far away...if distance isn't making the heart grow fonder already, I don't see why a complete breakup would. Don't go see her in February. Let her lose you through her little experiment and if you're actually still waiting around after that, decide THEN if you want a relationship with her. As for now, she's already decided...you're not the one calling the shots here. Sorry, buddy...that sucks and in NYC you can meet 100 new girls a day...start looking!!

[catfeeder]

The person to whom the relationship matters least owns the power. To test that power, some people throw out bits of mistreatment. If the other accepts that treatment, respect dies--which makes the whole thing feel dismal and the power-holder miserable.

 

When the person with less power accepts mistreatment, their self-respect is shot. They can become so desperate and stubborn and passively manipulative, they might dig in and turn it into a game of 'I can make you love me more,' and they rationalize this as love.

 

Some people waste the better years of their lives believing that this dependency they call 'love' justifies disabling themselves from a healthy walk away from the mess. Some even live the rest of their lives this way--blaming their partner for all their troubles and never recognizing they've been wearing the red slippers to click themselves back to Kansas the whole time.

 

In other cases, where either person has had enough, whoever becomes the dumpee makes it less about what a crappy relationship it was, and more about 'I can still make you love me'. The goal remains more important than regaining self-respect, only the loss makes the game more urgent--and the urgency is mistaken for even greater 'love'.

 

But it's not love, it's something else.

 

In your corner.

[SighSob]

DUMP HER! right now.

[OrangeMoon]

You have a LDR...you dont see each other everyday...she treats you like crap..and asks for a break to appreciate you more?...

 

I am sorry..she is setting you up for the final dump..she just does not have the guts to do it right away

 

I say..give her what she wants immediately..dont say anything( dont ask for an explanation, show no emotion, nothing)..and then treat it like you are broken up as from the moment you agree to the "break". And then stay totally in NC mending your heart..

 

Only go back when you feel you are ready to face her again ..(maybe for your stuff, etc). I would cancel the visit in Febr if i were you. Let her wonder when you will see each other again

 

This is though i know..being in an LDR is the thoughest thing there is..

 

be strong..

[servedcold]

Agree with all the others. LDRs are almost impossible when people are utterly in love, let alone if there is an imbalance of feeling. The things she is saying to you are not things people say to those they love and respect.