got ditched for new years

[a_lifters_life]

So, my g/f was supposed to come down here about 12 (noon) yesterday and she calls me at 12 saying she's gonna leave in 15 minutes. 10 minutes go by and she calls me back saying she can't come that its too bad out.

 

It was snowing up there yesterday, but a VERY VERY light dusting. She tries telling me that its too bad conditions to come down . I find some webcams online of the town next to her (about 5 mins from her house) and theres just a dusting on the ground. She says the major high ways are horrible - again I look on a webcam of the roads, they look fine with no snow at all.

 

Then she flips out at me saying "I dont believe her". And this is why :

 

We had these plans to spend new year's together for 3 months. She babysat yesterday morning for like 2 hours when really she coulda just left for my house. She was supposed to do this babysitting the day before, but the mother bailed on her, but then asked her LAST minute on new year's. I think this was her initial way to "cop out" of this. Then the last minute call saying she couldnt come, blaming it on her parents. Then she had the AUDACITY to ask me if I'd like to come up ? I was like "Are you kidding me?"

 

She ended up for new year's going to this party at her friends house instead which she told them originally she wasnt going to cause she wanted to spend it with me. Next thing I know she's like "yeah Im gonna walk to house for the party, my parents arent letting me drive".

 

Next thing I know she's getting picked up by her friend in a car. Like * * * man ?

 

She tried to blame this all on me for not respecting her dad's wishes. What gives?

 

She is gonna come up today, but * * * * I lost alot of respect for her. I think she really just didnt wanna come up and it ticks me off because I cleaned the whole house, bought tickets to go to some events in my town, even got us some alcohol to share together. She WENT with me to get the tickets like 2 weeks ago.

 

What do you think?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Well, if her parents control the car there is a good chance they wouldn't let her drive it if the thought the snow might get worse. So she could be telling the truth.

 

I'd just keep an open mind and see if she does something like this again. If she does, then maybe she is making up excuses, but if her parents control the car, there's a good chance they were worried about her safety, especially on New Year's eve when people are out late and drinking and driving.

[a_lifters_life]

Well, if her parents control the car there is a good chance they wouldn't let her drive it if the thought the snow might get worse. So she could be telling the truth.

 

I'd just keep an open mind and see if she does something like this again. If she does, then maybe she is making up excuses, but if her parents control the car, there's a good chance they were worried about her safety, especially on New Year's eve when people are out late and drinking and driving.

 

Right ... but she'd be leaving at like 12 noon .... not like 11pm for my house..

 

and she has done this in the past with last second backouts.

 

Honestly (and I told her about this), I called her self centered when she told me I could drive up there (in the horrendous conditions she spoke of), but she couldn't drive down here .... That's totally being self centered. Like.... OHH NO she cannot drive and get killed in these conditions - but I can. Like no.

 

Im going to just try to maintain my control. Im denying any forms of any pleasure tonight.

[nutbrownhare]

You don't say how confident a driver she is, but she's not necessarily being self-centred by saying it's OK for you to drive up there. You may well be a much more skilled driver, confident of being able to handle the conditions, which she may not. This would mean not only a really stressful drive, but it would make her more likely to have an accident because of feeling nervous.

 

People who've never had any problems with driving have a hard time understanding those who do. Believe me, I've been there!

 

Also, the fact that she asked you to come up suggests that she did want to spend the time with you - admittedly, not on the terms you'd agreed beforehand. Am I right - you then REFUSED to come up to see her? Even though, as far as you were concerned, the conditions weren't that bad?

 

Maybe you need to be clear about who was actually doing the rejecting there! Yes, there was a change of plan, but my reading of this was that if YOU had really wanted to spend the New Year with her, you'd have done so. In other words, you were just as responsible for the fact that you weren't together as she was.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Some excellent points here about driving. I know that I am not at all comfortable taking my car out when the roads are snow covered..I leave my car in the garage on those days and choose public transportation and my feet.

 

However, if she is constantly bailing on you then that is a problem. When someone is constantly bailing it becomes harder to separate the legitimate reasons from the BS.

[a_lifters_life]

This is a saying I always believe in: "When there is a will, there is a way." If she wanted to see you badly enough she would have made it to your house no matter what unless of course there was an immediate emergency which she certainly didn't have from what she said. It does seem to me like she sort of blew you off so I'd be angry also but I would let her come down today and see how she's all about it. If she's all apologetic and tries to make it up to you then let it go, if on the other hand she just doesn't want to talk about it and gives you attitude then don't let her walk all over you.

 

Great quote. I completely agree. Im going to keep an open mind. And Im think if I bring it up shes gonna just go into "shutdown mode" (I call it) and give me attitude. I mean its her fault if she really wanted to go to this party and couldnt tell me straight up, but then on the other hand I shouldn't be messed with.

[a_lifters_life]

It wasn't me at all though. We had plans, the roads weren't bad, we're talking LIVE webcams here on the major highways she'd take and I had a webcam of the town over of the street. Both of which either had a dusting or NOTHING on them. She has NO history to my knowledge that she's been in an accident, she doesnt drive like a mad woman either ...

 

If the roads were really that bad - why'd her friend pick her up ? That's what I have a problem with.

[a_lifters_life]

My question to all of you then is - should I just play it cool ? We already fought about this yesterday all that happened ... were supposed to go skiing in a few days ... she's gonna be here for like 5 days straight

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I do know plenty of people who won't get in a car if there's even a hint of snow in the air. But then it could be an excuse.

 

You seem to have a lot of anger and resentment here, and don't trust her at all to tell you the truth. You need to really start talking to her about that, and perhaps if she has no character you don't want to date her after all.

 

Before exploding on her investigate this with her, talk to her more to see whether she might have been telling the truth or not.

[DN]

I think I might have accepted her story (with reservations) but for two things.

 

First - she went to another party which does make it appear that the snow was an excuse to ditch you for something she preferred to do.

 

Second: she has canceled on you at the last minute before.

 

I think you need to decide whether she is really into this relationship.

[a_lifters_life]

I think I might have accepted her story (with reservations) but for two things.

 

First - she went to another party which does make it appear that the snow was an excuse to ditch you for something she preferred to do.

 

Second: she has canceled on you at the last minute before.

 

I think you need to decide whether she is really into this relationship.

 

That's the thing - I really think Im being taken for granted. I was SO close to tell her to go F-herself yesterday and end it.

 

As one of the other posters said - if it really was a big deal she'd find a way to get here. The trains go close to here .... I mean .... if I was in her position and couldnt drive i'd do that. I mean i know she's not "me" and im not "her", but it has nothing to do with that. Has to do with commitment.

 

I treat her with UTMOST respect. If i was in her position with the conditions I gathered I wouldnt play games. If I wanted to go somewhere else I'd tell her straight up....

[a_lifters_life]

I really feel like I'm on the 'last straw' with her. She really doesnt seem to have a clue how to have a serious, committed relationship or rather how to treat a b/f.

[cruzer]

All i can say is play it cool and give her another chance.

 

there are so many back and fourth arguments.

 

i bet u if she had to go to work she would have drove...

i know the plans were for her to come to u, but she did ask u to come to her, so maybe it has nothing to do with her not wanting to be with u. then after u said no she decided to do something else, rather than sit and do nothing.

 

i know my step mom wont drive even to work if it even mentions snow on the news. on the other hand, ill drive to work with snow on the ground and i drive a real wheel drive car.

 

one thing i just have to ask, its not even important i guess, but she is around ur age and dont have a car of her own? i didnt have my own at 16 when i was able to drive, but im 19 and im on my 2nd car...

[nutbrownhare]

I really feel like I'm on the 'last straw' with her. She really doesnt seem to have a clue how to have a serious, committed relationship or rather how to treat a b/f.

 

In that case, you need to move on. It sounds as though you're feeling very hurt and angry over all this, which is understandable, especially if she's got a long term pattern of behaving like this. But that's not at all the same as being a 'Victim', which the title of your thread suggests you are.

 

If this assessment of her is correct - and only you can really answer this - don't stay in a relationship if she's really messing you about. But refusing to go up to see her (even if you felt it was justified) but then saying she ditched you - IS a game.

 

Exploding at her is likely to get you nowhere - but maybe telling you how hurt and disappointed you felt - might get you into a much more useful coversation. If not, then do question if you still want to stay there.

 

Good luck with all this!

[a_lifters_life]

She has a car that is technically "hers", but rather a car that she can consistently use. She had a car nonetheless.

[jcrisph]

I would of believed the story until the last min. cancellation and on top of it going to the party.to.Everything falls into place too perfect.

[a_lifters_life]

I would of believed the story until the last min. cancellation and on top of it going to the party.to.Everything falls into place too perfect.

 

I know, honestly. My gut tells me she didnt wanna go. Hate when people cant be upfront like that. I'd rather be told then played a fool. Ya know ?

[catfeeder]

[...] Then she had the AUDACITY to ask me if I'd like to come up ? I was like "Are you kidding me?" [...]

 

Why would this be such a bad idea?

 

Not asking to make you 'wrong'. Just hope you'll privately question how much this girl really means to you.

 

If she doesn't mean enough for you be the one to travel, then maybe she's not worth getting yourself so upset?

 

In your corner.

[jcrisph]

how far away do you guys live from each other

[lady00]

Sorry man her story has too many holes. Doesn't add up.

[a_lifters_life]

how far away do you guys live from each other

 

Hour and Half on a good day

[scaruff]

If she couldn't go to you-well why didn't you just go to her?

[a_lifters_life]

Why would this be such a bad idea?

 

Not asking to make you 'wrong'. Just hope you'll privately question how much this girl really means to you.

 

If she doesn't mean enough for you be the one to travel, then maybe she's not worth getting yourself so upset?

 

In your corner.

 

She just asked to act "polite" when really it was just saying "Im self centered enough to not want to risk my life, but why dont you?"

[a_lifters_life]

If she couldn't go to you-well why didn't you just go to her?

 

WAS NOT our original plan and now that i think of it, she easily could of taken the train if the roads were that bad. As one of the other posters said, if theres a will, theres a way. Point at stake : if she wanted to get here, she'd find a way. An inch of snow isn't anything to act ridiculous about.

[scaruff]

WAS NOT our original plan and now that i think of it, she easily could of taken the train if the roads were that bad. As one of the other posters said, if theres a will, theres a way. Point at stake : if she wanted to get here, she'd find a way. An inch of snow isn't anything to act ridiculous about.

 

Yes perhaps it wasn't your original plan.

 

Who does the majority of traveling in this relationship?

 

I beg to differ about an inch of snow not being anything "to act ridiculous about," perhaps that is true for you. But this isn't the case for everyone.