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Diary...Inspired by Sparkie


Maverick212
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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Ok, my story is in another thead

 

 

 

since then not much has been going on. The night before we all left for winter break, her, me, my friend, and her friend who i use to be close with all hung out together. she came into my room and asked my friend and i if we could help her rearragnge the bed in her room, so we did. Later in the night, my friend and i decided to order dominos, so i went over and asked her if her and her friend wanted to get in on it with us, she was very happy with that, and we all ate together. as we were eating, things were good, i felt like my old self making her laugh telling stories. so, later in the night when my friend went to bed, i went over to her suite, and helped her clean the suite, i asked her if she needed anything and i helped her out. I mean she still seemed a lil distant from me, dont know how to intrepret that, but all in all it was good.

 

Found out a few days later from her friend that was there, that she though that night was really great and that i was acting normal again.

 

so, yesterday was her birthday, and out of impulse i sent her flowers to her house, and the card simply said "thought you should have some on your 20th birthday, happy birthday ________. And this morning i got an email from her that simply said "thanks for the flowers" I guess she still thinks i dont have my cell phone which i lost a week or so ago, but now i have a new one.

 

I over heard her say one day that her friends are telling her she's making a mistake with all this and that she will miss me. She said she started second guessing herself, but that i hurt her and that me and her could have gotten married if i didn't. I know that i was very insecure and jealous with her and prevented her from being an individual, which was a big problem that lead to her breaking up with me.

 

Over the past few days i have felt changes in myself, i have become more upbeat, happy, and more easy going. it sucks that it is winter break and we are not around each other, so i cant show her these changes.

 

I would love as much input as possible from anyone. I am determined to get her back, i am also determined with getting out and getting my life together with or without her. I am going to write in her everyday, as a way to keep me sane and make some friends in the process.

 

As i am away from her right now, i am thinking about either NC or LC, havent decided yet. and i dont know if her email requires a response. Hoping it will become more clear in the coming days.

 

Ok floors open, thanks for reading, appreciate it.

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New year, and all i can think about is picking up that phone and calling her. and i know that would drive her away more. I wish i could just have a normal conversation with her, without her asking me if i've moved on, i still dont get why she does that. sorry just venting a lil bit

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Nothing wrong with venting a little bit. The one thing i remember with my breakup is that my ex girlfriend always makes me feel like it was entirely my fault, and that she did no wrong. You have to remember it takes two no matter what. And most likely if you were a decent guy, she may end up missing you, but unfortunately, you've got to let her figure that out for herself. I too, am sitting around, waiting for her to figure out, while simultaneously going on with my life as if i'll never hear from her again.

 

I see in your post that she said you'd be married if you hadn't done something. Don't take that too much to heart. It's so easy for the dumper to make statements like that, as if you're a feelingless pawn with absolutely no control, and you're at her beck and call. Just ride it out, is all i can say.

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I hear you about setting back Maverick. Last night I broke NC by sending my ex a Happy New year message 3 x's, and then dialing her number and hanging up after one ring twice.

 

All I can say is that you, just as I, need to get into NC. The thing about winter breaks that makes a break up hard is like with my ex, they are at home, seeing all of their friends, going out with them, having fun, etc. It hurts knowing that they are out there just running around and having fun.

 

Keep writing in here...it helps, and NC will help her miss you and let you heal some.

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thanks prinzbsr. yea after long consideration, i feel that, that is what i need to do. I just had a discussion with my friend who said, "knowing you, you would wait a week or two and contact her." so that alone has made me decide to do the opposite, cause she knows me pretty well and how i have acted over this whole thing, so i have to do what is not expected, and for the time being is nothing.

 

i just pray to God my impulses dont get the best of me. damn, whenever i have one i'll just write something here.

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so, it's been about 3 days since i received the email from her thanking me for the flowers. I am in NC, and i have so many impulses to write back or text, or something, when i know that is porbably a bad thing. I would really love to go this entire winter break without contacting her. she is leaving for spain in about 10 days, which is going to suck for me. and after that we are going back to school. I dont know, i just highly doubt that she will even be thinking about me at all during the break.

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alright, day 5 of NC, and now i'm thinking damn, i have about 20 days before going back to school, seems like a lifetime. almost sent her an email yesterday cuz i know she has family in Palestine, so i was thought it'd be nice to send something to her. but with a lil help i went against it. hoping i wont have any more of these impulsive (non intelligent) thought and ideas

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emotions are running high tonight. i just have this really strong feeling that she doesn't think about me anymore. that i am gone from her mind. i just have a gut feeling that everything we had is nothing more in her mind, that she doesn't feel the emotions that i do during this. i feel like i'm nothing to her anymore.

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Well, as you have seen I was trying to get my ex back too. I'm a little over 3 months since our breakup and almost one month on my third attempt at NC (last time SHE broke NC).

 

We didn't text each other on christmas or new years. And everyone who has read my posts over here knows how much I loved her and how bad I wanted her back.

 

I know that I was the most decent guy on the face of the earth with her (maybe that's one of the reasons why we broke up, but who cares) and I know that I'm on the back of her mind, just as she is in mine. I don't know if she'll one day miss me so much that she'll contact me to start over, and I'm not putting my life on hold waiting for that answer and neither should you because that answer may never come.

 

I don't know what were the conditions that led you to breaking up or who was the dumper. I was the dumper, being labeled as one only because she didn't have the guts to tell me that she wanted to break up. I didn't want to do it, I was happy with her but she just shattered my life in the last 2 weeks of our relationship. So what do you do? Grieve, get mad, scream, cry, do whatever helps you, you have all the rights to do it.

 

But then pick yourself up and start thinking about what you did wrong and how to prevent/correct those aspects of your personality.

 

And keep on moving with your life, because as it happened to me, you could have all the best intentions, have worked on your issues and still want her back, but if there's no interest from her side, you'll have lost a lot of time and energy into trying to win back something that wasn't meant to be.

 

NC or LC? If you want to push her away, make her not want to see you again and not make her miss you, then don't go NC. Get it?

 

NC is a powerful double edged sword. It helps you heal and pushes your ex - or at least it should - into missing you, the person with who she was happy with. And that's the first thing that you want to look for if there's a possibility of a reconciliation, your ex missing you.

 

Be strong, though days are just around the corner.

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emotions are running high tonight. i just have this really strong feeling that she doesn't think about me anymore. that i am gone from her mind. i just have a gut feeling that everything we had is nothing more in her mind, that she doesn't feel the emotions that i do during this. i feel like i'm nothing to her anymore.

 

Been there, done that.

 

Forget about it, she may not show it but she does think about you. If I read correctly you were together for almost a year and a half right? You just don't wipe out all of those memories in a second. No sir.

 

Her emotions might be different than yours but let the dust settle and once it all has calmed down, you'll have a clearer, better view of things.

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i just keep replying the day i sent flowers to her on her 20th birthday. i keep thinking what a horrible idea that was. i mean the card was not romantic at all. but her friend told me she was pissed at first then her friend told her she was being an idiot about it.

she then agreed, which i thought strange cause she is quite stubbron.

 

anyway and then i got that email. and i dont know if i should see it as a positive or a negative. and there is no way i am responding back to it.

 

no more steps back, only forward, it just sucks cuz right now i cant do anything being an hour and a half away from her.

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very true, believe me, i'm not taking another step without coming here first and getting some feedback lol.

 

for me, i saw the flowers as a lil overkill. her response was decent (i actually was not expecting one at all really) but the fact that she did, i see it as somewhat positive, but not great.

 

if i know her she is probably expecting me to send something to her, but i'm not going to, gotta stay strong on this one.

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alright it's almost 3 in the morning and i'm goin a lil crazy. i'm conflicted with sending an email to her, or staying in NC.

 

in sending an email, i have a chance to open up friendly back and forth conversation, but dont give her the chance to see life without contact from me for a while

 

if i stay in no contact with her, will she really think about me? i dont have a really good last impression on her that will make me stand out in her mind, especially with her going to spain in about a week. however, no contact may accomplish the her missing me part.

 

oh so confused anyone have any suggestions?

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alright it's almost 3 in the morning and i'm goin a lil crazy. i'm conflicted with sending an email to her, or staying in NC.

 

in sending an email, i have a chance to open up friendly back and forth conversation, but dont give her the chance to see life without contact from me for a while

 

if i stay in no contact with her, will she really think about me? i dont have a really good last impression on her that will make me stand out in her mind, especially with her going to spain in about a week. however, no contact may accomplish the her missing me part.

 

oh so confused anyone have any suggestions?

 

Stay NC mate.... I just sent an email to the ex after 5 days of NC and Im not sure if I should have.... we don't need two of us doing something that might end up being silly tonight

 

They always think of you... they even think of their ex's from years ago now and then!

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son of a * * * * * , that's all i gotta say. i got down to school today to get a few things from my room that i left. and as soon as i'm walking back to the parking lot guess who pulls in....yup you guessed it.....i seriously think God is messing with me.

 

i saw her friend first who is moving in with her next semester. saw her she said hello, asked what i was doin there as my ex is walking towards us, i jokingly saw "oh i'm bein kicked out," my ex says "really?" i saw, "no just gettin a few things"

 

then they go into the building to help the friend move in i'm assuming. whatever, i was done doin what i had to do. the impulse was there to go back in to pretend i had to get something else, and maybe have conversation with her. but i got in the car and left.

 

was that that the right thing to do???

 

and there goes my no contact plan, of all days, it's this day that i run into her why???

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Don't panic mate. There's nothing wrong with being polite and friendly when you banged into her. Much better than being awake til 3 am asking yourself 'why was I so rude' or something. Good effort not going back in. hard but probably the right choice.

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C,

 

Do NOT panic over this bro. Honestly, I think it was AMAZING that you didn't react when you saw her. Damn, I think that was awesome. Now she has your face in her head and will remember today and how you DIDN'T freak and didn't go looking for her attention and didn't use this opportunity to contact her. Seriously, she'll be looking for you to contact her now after having seen her today and that's exactly why you shouldn't. Go against her expectations. That way she'll really take a notice and it shows your independence.

 

God, you've been giving me some great advice lately. I mean it, really sound advice and I really think you should use it on yourself. She'll be back in less than a month. You can TOTALLY re-create yourself during that time and re-approach her from a much more detached manner and you won't even have to fake it then. It will be real. In my case, my ex and I are in contact (well, at least we were until last night....haha), but in your case, you've shown MUCH too much interest and the roses didn't help. You have to see her demonstrating some interested in you romantically before you get her something that meaningful again.

 

I think running into her today was GREAT and what will be even better will be your subsequent reaction, which should be nothing RIGHT NOW.

 

Honestly, look at this from a positive perspective C. It can and will work in your favor!

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thanks Hope and Sparkie. It did phase me a seeing her a tad, thank god it was dark out. I knew i had to leave, and not risk making things awkward again. hopefully i made the right choice, and hopefully she is thinking about it.

 

i thought about calling her so many times tonight too, maybe is expecting me to, but i know i cant. hope that shows her something if anything.

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just out of curiosity, when we get back to school, how should i approach getting her back. i want to be prepared for it although it's a long way off. living accross the hall from each other i will see her, maybe on a daily basis. but what should i do specifically? ask her to get food, hang out, go to parties, throw a party and invite her to come?

 

any ideas?

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ugh she's gonna be in Madrid in a week, surrounded by horny spanish dudes. damnn it. i really want to get in contact with her, just to be on her mind when she leaves, and to have her think about me in a positive way. i really want to speak to her, and once she leaves i wont get that chance. i wanted to be at least on a friendly basis before she left, so she could think about me.

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