NC for a week, Shall I join a social gathering with him there?

[ThisXmas]

I am torn. He broke up with me on this past Christmas day. A few days before that he already mentioned it but after listening to me he said he needed three days to think about it. Anyway, we knew each other for about 2 months on and off at church and dated for about a month, limited to Christian relationship.

 

He is 4 years younger than me and his reasons were it's not a good timing for him (he has to take care of a lot of things such as his family business, his little half brother who is just a little child, and stuff) and he thinks we have many differences. The differences described by him were mainly the way of solving problems, such as he is more reserved and I am more open and straightforward. I guess he kind of implied that I have been not patient enough.

 

I admit that I have been a little too pushy at times due to his lack of messages or delayed responses. But after communications I did adapt to it until the last time he did not appear wanting to meet personally (except for church) for 4-5 days straight so I was upset and asked why, which gave him an opportunity to suggest breakup.

 

We kept a secretive relationship in church based on his request and his worry about his image at church. I felt more insecure in this relationship when compared to previous relationships and he was not happy about it. I think part of the insecurity was legitimate due to his being so laid back and the secretive relationship and there's not much of a dating process in my culture. What we are doing is the same (kissing, hugging) as normal bf/gf relationships for me. Part of the insecurity was because I liked him too much and thought he is the one and I was afraid to let him go.

 

I have pretty much lost hope through this week after breakup. I know at least more than 90% he is not that kind of guy to come back and admit that he makes a mistake, especially his reason is that we are different, although i think these differences do not mean much to me because I think we change adapt. Now, to make it short, there's some kind of church group gathering coming up about 4 days later and I am not sure if i should go. He is an active coordinator for the first time and I don't know if he expects me to go or not. I would personally think that going or not may not change his mind. And going or not may bring as much hurts to me. Deep in my heart still has a little hope we can get back together. So by not going I am not sure if I will lose something forever, for good. I also know that going means I have to pretend nothing happened between us, and pretend to be lightened up, and I am not sure I can do that without being hurt again if he does not change his mind.

 

Any advice will be appreciated. I am glad I can find this web and it brings me comfort by knowing that I am not alone. Sorry for the English I am a foreign student.

[ThisXmas]

nobody around can say something?

[amberche]

Don't go. I wouldn't put yourself through the pain of seeing him again and give him the satisfaction. I think there should be no reason for you to hide your feelings and play any games with him. When and if you are ready to confront him, just give him a call. I think if he expects you to go he will let you know and if he wanted you there and you don't show up he will call you.

[ThisXmas]

Thanks Amber. I will think it twice, seriously.

I am pretty sure he will be happy to see me there, but I don't know in what way, as a friend or a lover. From the experiences with him I know that his indecisiveness is like a slow knife cutting my heart.

 

I know he will be in more pain if he doesn't see me there, partly because he is a kind-hearted guy deep down. And I am pretty sure he does not have the courage or guts to call me, especially after I asked me to be a robot (not contacting me [if he didn't change his mind]) for me at the moment. He knows his contacting me at this point risk giving me false hope if its not his intention to take me back.

 

I have been making a lot of convenient excuses for me to see him again. Deep down I know that if he is not willing to step out and do something, we won't last long even if we can ever get back together. I think it is the addiction that's at work. Part of my brain just tells me it's in pain and it needs to see him to relieve the pain. But the pain after seeing him is unpredictable, which is scary.

 

But I still don't know without thinking about my healing, seeing him or not seeing him soon will it makes a little differences in the chance of getting him back? If yes which one has higher chance? I know...it sounds pathetic...

 

Anyway..Happy New Year!...gotta call my family eventually....it's just so hard to call them when I am upset...

[ThisXmas]

Right now I think I am more toward going, although I will definitely wait until the last moment to make a final decision, and of course, I won't let him know too much in advance.

After talking to my friend I pretty much lost all my hope. She predicted our breakup the other day and I guess her words do have some reliability. I knew it is hard to get back together but just don't want to admit that, or I would say don't want to believe that is 100%.

 

I guess I will meet him this time and try to assess if he is anything nicer than friends. If he is not that stupid he should not be that ambiguous any more. I hope I can have a little clue if he will like to get back together at all, or at least may need more time.

The reason I break NC is that we have been together just for a month. So I know this means my case can be very different than others. My best bet maybe to meet just a little bit more, to the extent that I can afford. So at least we may know each other a little bit more, just in case he will think it twice.

One month may not have enough for him to miss me to the extent to get me back. That's why I need to create more/new memories for us. I need to know how he feels before I make a better decision to continue to see him or not. mhh...the bottomline is...I will be happy, or at least just lead a normal life, with or without him. I will prepare myself for the worse scenario.