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Hours to midnight.


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My little confession of 2008.

 

 

Dear love,

 

 

Hours to midnight and I'm going to have the time of my life. I love you and miss you. I'm glad to have shared these moments, though brief, it will stay with me forever. 1.5 years went by fast. It was worth the pain. I love you dearly and pray you are safe and get what you wish for. My darling, my cherie amour, every little thing that I do adore. My best wishes goes out to you. Tonight is the last day of this year. Saying goodbye to you and hello to tomorrow. A new year, a new me, without you.

 

I want to be your everything and be your anything. I wish for you to be my other half so badly, but it wasn't meant to be. I don't hate you. I appreciate that you cheated on me before we got married or had kids. Thanks for the honesty. That's your true feelings and these are mine.

 

I want to be there for you no matter what. Unfortunately, I have a back bone and know I will get stomped on. So I must be be strong. For me, and only me. I love you so much. You were my first companion. Somebody who I've shared intimate details of my life with. Somebody I could see myself grow old with. It was great while it lasted. What we had was special. You were special. You hold a place deep in my heart and I know I am in yours. Not in the way I want or need to be, but I'm there. Know that you've made a great impact on my life and I will take what you've taught me. To the grave.

 

Love transcends all. I don't act on fear, this is me. And I love you _____. I will no longer hold myself back and hold on to you. I will be great. I will be me. I will be much more than the guy you fell in love with. I am more than you've ever needed or wanted. I know this and I'm off to bigger and better things. You are too and I'm glad. I know I am a step closer to true happiness and the pain will be worth it. I can never make it to the promise land, if I don't leave Egypt right?

 

Well, this is goodbye to you. I know one day, I'll look back at this and laugh my ass off, but today is the last day of us. Of you, in my life.

 

 

Hugs and kisses.

 

Your ex, your best friend, your love, me.

 

-pf

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Beautiful.

 

But I doubt from those words that you will ever laugh your ass off about it all. It sounds too much like the real thing to ever do that.

 

Well, I think I'm being a bit silly because I'm emotional and in pain. I'm sure in the future I will laugh it off because there are much worse things that could happen in life.

 

thanks for sharing your lovely letter..... i hope it helped you to write, send and post it.

 

wishing you a wonderful 2009.

 

Thanks, she will never get to read it. No point in breaking NC. Healing first.

 

so sad. but you are really a good man. it's her loss.

 

Yeah, I'm a good guy. It is her loss.

 

Back to how I feel. It was incredibly lonely, watching the countdown alone. A party with over 10,000 people, yet I feel completely alone. I missed her and that's about it. It hurts, but it's not that bad anymore. I guess there is still something that stems from my childhood that makes this pain intense. I don't grieve properly or I'm not good with losing the ones I love.

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i can feel your pain as i read this, there are no words to make it better. losing somebody who changed your life is never easy. losing somebody you love so much, that was the very essense of your soul, who touched your life so much, is not silly, do not discount it. i wish you all the best in 2009, good luck in your journey, it is not easy.

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i can feel your pain as i read this, there are no words to make it better. losing somebody who changed your life is never easy. losing somebody you love so much, that was the very essense of your soul, who touched your life so much, is not silly, do not discount it. i wish you all the best in 2009, good luck in your journey, it is not easy.

 

Thanks! I needed words of encouragement. My subconscious is playing tricks on me. This is the 3rd day in a roll that I dream of her. I know it's a dream, but they hurt.

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Bah, working through my emotions. This hurts right now. Just giving it time and working on it. Not sure what to do right now. Other than stick to NC. I just want to sleep this off and not wake up.

 

How do I heal? I'm freaking lost right now.

 

I feel like something is wrong with me. This pain just won't go away. I don't really know why it hurts this bad. I thought I grieved my dad's death properly. I went to go visit his grave and try as best as I can to let all of it go. I'm not sure if my childhood is even affecting my perception of this breakup. I wonder if I'm blowing my pain out of proportion.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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