The Fade

[HighRoad]

New member here, check out my name too!

 

Anyway, after six weeks of not hearing I am feeling better but I guess I have been the victim of the "fade" form of breakup. New relationship since August and no I did not think he was just someone who was interested just in a casual thing.

 

I initially thought he was very kind and sincere, shy and also very honest. I really did not have any sense that he was someone just looking for a short-term hook up. He was respectful, and seemed really smitten by me. Ok, he seemed even really overwhelmed with feelings for me. Who knows really, what is going through someone's mind but that's the impression I got. That he liked me way more than I liked him and - that made me really like him alot.

 

But one day he just never responded to an email. Nothing - for the last six weeks. So, I have been recovering on my own and trying to learn from all this, make some positive changes in my life; reading the Greg Berendt books on breakups (He's just not that into you, it's called a breakup because it's broken). Good books, I have learned alot.

 

And - I am not sending any more emails, phone calls, nada. NADA. If he doesn't want to be with me and can't even climb on his bicycle and tell me that, than ok I can accept that and move on with my life. Mostly unscathed but it sure does hurt.

 

Question: why do people do this crappy thing of just no response? we did not argue, we never discussed anything and the last I knew we were still interested in each other.

 

Comments? experiences? comiserations? I chose my name based on some excellent comments I read on this forum, it is what I want to do.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I can understand doing the fade out after one or two dates..but certainly after a few months that is really really rude. Just think of it this way, if he can just walk away like that with no explanation, you dodged a bullet...at least you only wasted a few months and not years.

[amipushy]

I think its because they would rather live with the guilt of saying nothing at all and run away than face you and say something to hurt you and live with that guilt.

[HighRoad]

Thanks for the replies! Yep, I agree - it could be for ANY reason. I agree with your comments, all of them. But they are so different.

 

He is rude for not saying anything (yes!); something could have happened (of course!) or he is just being a real * ahem* jerk for avoiding the guilt of having to say "I don't want to see you anymore."

 

One thing I like about the Greg Behrend books is that "he's just not that into you" if he can't even call you up and tell you that. That is such an awesome book, I have read it several times.

 

I will never know what happened if he never tells me. It could be any of those reasons or none of them. But the bottom line is I guess that he does not want to be with me, and has not handled that very well or even very nicely.

 

I was just wondering if other people had done this to other people, or had it done to themselves; what did it mean for them, and how did they deal with it? I have never had this happen (outside of seventh grade) and so I guess it has been a new experience for me.

 

Thanks for the feedback!

[saltandvinegar]

I dont know why, but men always seem to do this, and its a really common story on here.

[HighRoad]

Thanks for the replies, more good comments!

 

You know, I am over thirty and I have never had someone just stop responding to me like this. Except, in seventh grade. That happened a couple of times. But my other relationships have been for the most part pretty decent and if someone wanted to end it we usually sat down and talked it out. It wasn't that hard to do that part of it.

 

So, to have someone just disappear is actually new for me and I admit I do not like it.

 

Has anyone ever had this happen to them and they sent an email or something saying "well - I am hurt that you never responded and have just disappeared. But I was glad to have met you and liked you, but I understand if you don't want to get to know me further. Just wanted to say how I felt and to wish you the best." Short and sweet, but something to just acknowledge that hey! we were once friends and I think we should end as friends. Or whatever.

 

So far, after six weeks I have done nothing and had NC but it still sort of bugs me that this person could just walk away. I sort of want to let them know that 1) their behavior had a hurtful effect on me, 2) I did like them and to acknowedge that we once cared about each other and 3) to acknowledge the end of this relationship and wish them the best. In other words, to basically say goodbye like adults.

 

More thoughts? comments? I appreciate the feedback. I really have never had this happen to me, it is a really crappy way to end a relationship and I sure would not ever do it to another person. By the way, I am not a serial date-r or anything, I tend to be very careful when I enter a relationship and have spent alot of time on my own just living my life. Would rather be on my own than with someone I didn't like 'just to be in a relationship.' That seems fair to both people, I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to be hurt by someone else. I would like to just enjoy the companionship of a good partner and friend, and share our lives together.

[drewciouS281]

Question: why do people do this crappy thing of just no response? we did not argue, we never discussed anything and the last I knew we were still interested in each other.

 

Comments? experiences? comiserations? I chose my name based on some excellent comments I read on this forum, it is what I want to do.

 

BECAUSE THIER COWARDS!!! Someone like this shouldnt be worth your time anyway. This tells you something about thier character!