crab62 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 I was on my way to his house... was going to knock on his door and say "do you always dismiss girls you date like you dismissed me".... and then I cried hard and thought of the possible consequences 1) he'll slam the door in your face 2) he'll let you in and offer you a beer and tell you to "get over it" and "move on" cause he has... 3) he'll say something like "are you still crying after 2 months, geez" 4) you'll drive by and see Carol's car... the girl he couldn't let go off and the girl who couldn't let go of him... but I don't think her car would be there... she doesn't like him, she just didn't want him to have any one either... and put her two cents in our relationship, and he allowed that and I tolerated it](*,)](*,) so I thought long and hard and turned the car around and just wept. I hate him for how he dismissed me. It's fine breaking up, he has the right, but to dismiss me like he did... after 1 year, after all we shared, to come over on a moment's notice and break-up with me and to never ever allow any kind of communication, no close, nothing... to happen after him walking out... that is what hurts, that is what's heart breaking. I thought I was worth more than just a piece of the newpaper being tossed out after being done with. God I hate him. He's so passive aggressive... and that's what this is about... instead of confronting me on things during our relationship, and instead of working them out.. he chose to fake happy happy happy until I couldn't stand it and he couldn't stand it and then he leaves... but guess who ultimately pays... me. Link to comment
cookiedough1 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 you did the right thing crab62. I would venture and say, I am proud of you You are a lot stronger than you are giving yourself credit. Your ex does not deserve a visit from you. 32 day of NC is an amazing feat! I'm honestly convinced that holidays aggravate things about 100x more. I'm feeling it myself. Tomorrow will be better. Link to comment
crab62 Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 you did the right thing crab62. I would venture and say, I am proud of you You are a lot stronger than you are giving yourself credit. Your ex does not deserve a visit from you. 32 day of NC is an amazing feat! I'm honestly convinced that holidays aggravate things about 100x more. I'm feeling it myself. Tomorrow will be better. thanks cookie I have been doing so good. I don't know what happened tonight... it just hits all of the sudden. That's how the grief has been lately... really sudden and intense... for a little while.... and then it seems to go away, ugggh. and then on top of this mess!!... I have this friend of mine who is pushing me to meet a new guy already and when I talk to her about the ex, all she says is "you need to go out and start dating" and I want to scream!!, stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I can't talk to anyone tonight... and I was so sure tonight was going to be fine. At least I didn't go to his house and at least I didn't call him... gosh the one time I broke NC it was an absolute nightmare. This bad grief periods last a little while... maybe an hour or so... but breaking NC lasts days if not weeks, and that's what I have to remember. Ugggh... happy new year, not to me.. ugggh. Thanks for listening. Link to comment
jennamajig Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Crab62, you're strong! Hang in there! Proud of your for not doing it. I know the temptation...I find some it myself. But I don't have a phone number anymore and I'm in NJ and he's in MA right now (or I think he is - have no freaking clue where he is right now to be honest). I went into NYC to see the musical Hairspray (huge musical buff) by myself and while I enjoyed the show immensely, I was tempted to break NC when I saw every couple passing me, holding hands. Last New Year's Eve the ex and I were in NYC as well - I went again this year to make a new memory for myself that didn't have him in it. But I arrived back in NJ feeling very lonely and missing my ex. I am sitting in my parent's living room hoping I fall asleep before midnight to be honest. Happy New Year, indeed. But not breaking NC is a good call and shows you are stronger than you think. Maybe each one of us is. T minus two hours to 2009 on the East Coast of the US... Link to comment
crab62 Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 hey there!!.. how are you? The temptation is bad when it hits, isn't it... so bad. Honestly, at the time it hits, I don't know how I'm going to get through it... but somehow I do. I just remember that I got through the previous ones, I'll get through this one... and I just do everything I can but to hit that number or drive north, haha. Good for you going to the Musical, good for you!! Maybe I should do the same with Wicked. It leaves Chicago at the end of this month, and I haven't seen it. Maybe I should just go myself huh. Welll you are one hour shy of the new year, I am two hours... Here's to a great 2009 for you and I. I know a year from now we might just visit this board for the heck of it, or it will come into our thoughts then as we will be so far from where we are today... I just know that. 12 months from now... we will definitely not be crying about this... and that's what we have to remember! HUGS to you for 2009. Thanks for being such a great ena friend Link to comment
beejcee Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 your story will inspire others to put their own needs first..... you are an inspiration! congratulations on this step towards healing..... blessings to you in 2009! Link to comment
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