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NO Regrets

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I wrote my ex a letter. I've been breaking my heart more and more each day by pretending I can be his friend. Here's the letter:





You already know long messages are sort of "my thing" so before this year ends I just wanted to tell you a few things. And don't worry, I don't expect a reply. Ending this year with any more regrets than necessary would suck so I wanted you to know that right now I can't remain your friend. I wanted to be friends because I saw how much it hurt you when I said I couldn't be if we ever broke up. I tried it for you because I would do anything for you and that must be my fatal flaw because it is killing me. I've been foolishly living to hear how you are and what you've been doing and I can't anymore. just because I tried to remain your friend does not mean you didn't break my heart into an uncountable number of pieces. You may feel that it has been enough time to heal from everything that happened but for me it has not. I still hurt everyday.


You can always call me if you need me, my number won't change. I'm sorry for bothering you with this when it is no longer your problem. I hope you can understand where I am coming from. It would be nice if one day we can be great friends like we were in the past.




It's off my chest. I am handing over the grief and the pain and will not endure it into a whole new year. I am healing and he is out of my life for now.

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now i truly know that I am not alone. I used to think that as long as i love someone with my full heart there's no way for them not to love me back. So I just couldn't understand and felt so disappointed about myself. I gave him almost the best I could have and STILL didn't work out.


But now I know that's not a rule. It's just a rule I came up with on my own ideal world. Reality is much complex than that. And from reading the posts here I know how many people are loving their ones with the full heart and things may not work either. Anyway...just a sudden discovery...I have been so wrong and harsh on myself.


I admire your great consideration for you ex. When my ex broke up with me I knew that he didn't care as much being friend with me just because he knew that we are not going to be friends after breakup and he still chose to. So I think it won't be a big problems for people not being friends with someone they dumped. My ex is impossible to be good friends with because he is not that kind of guy...haha..

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Don't be harsh on yourself.

Clearly we cannot control other people. And I to make up crazy expectations in my mind to live up to. But now I have decided I will simply be myself in every form and that way when the next person to truly fall in love with me comes along it will be honest love.

As for my ex, he texted me a few minutes after I sent the letter. He hadn't gotten it yet because he was texting me from work but it only solidified the fact that I have to stop talking to him for a while. I will always love him but I have to make myself fall out of love with him.

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