tin_tin Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Been together 3 years. Shes 20 im 26 she broke up 6 weeks ago, mainly due to the fact shes in her last degree year, excessive workload, finding time to see me etc........She had moved in september 26 miles away. During those 6 weeks, ive had 50+ texts from her. She told me she loved and missed me a few times, also her back has been in pain. ive had at least 7 phone calls from her. One of the first calls she was cried to me, In the first 3 or 4 days of the split i went NC and she sent me this text....... "Do u want me out of your life forever, cos with you ignoring and not talking to me makes me feel u dont want me back at all ever" I told her, that its her i want, and left it at that. So i just played it cool, and just went LC.....i never pleaded or begged for her back. Stayed round her place once (she asked cos she was stressed out, and wanted to see me) had a kiss and a cuddle and held hands. She said she got me a xmas present. We exchanged presents christmas day, Then on boxing day she text me saying "im not in the mood to talk, had bad news, i dont see us getting back together" Been NC for 5 days....i havnt heard from her either... Shall i text her happy birthday and leave it be? Thanks Link to comment
alli Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 So you guys were thinking of getting back together, & she texted you saying it wasn't going to happen & that was all? What's going on with her? If you guys had agreed on NC or if it would be painful for you hearing from her, I say leave her be. But if you really want to text her I don't see the harm in a quick "happy bday" Link to comment
Sara71 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 In my opinion, no. That would be like rewarding her for giving you the boot again. Also,if anything is going to drive her nuts and make her contact you, it's that. I'm no expert, but I think this makes sense. Link to comment
tin_tin Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 So you guys were thinking of getting back together, & she texted you saying it wasn't going to happen & that was all? What's going on with her? If you guys had agreed on NC or if it would be painful for you hearing from her, I say leave her be. But if you really want to text her I don't see the harm in a quick "happy bday" Thats the big question, i dont know whats going on with her?? Ive had so many mixed signals these past 6 weeks its untrue. Especially with the amount of volume in which she has contacted me. Like i said, i went to see her when she was down. and i spent the night at hers. she told me she had got me the perfect present for christmas, i asked her why.....she said cos through it all, i still love you. Then the day after christmas, i get that text from her. I asked her what the bad news was cos i thought it might have been about her bad back, but i never got a responce. Since then, she hasnt text me, and i havnt text her. We didnt speak about a NC. (the full story is in the relationships with ex forum) Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 To be frank, her reasons sound more like excuses for an underlying reason which she did not want to tell you. Plenty of people are busy and don't get to see their S.O. often but if you really want to be with someone, you make it work. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 I don't think she deserves a happy birthday from you IMO. I agree with Sara, she is going to expect a message from you and if you don't give in, she'll go crazy. I would leave her be with the intention of staying NC though, not to get her back! Link to comment
savignon Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 It sounds from your other posts that this girl's birthday has been torturing you....once the day passes you'll want to say "hope you had a nice bday", etc. etc. If it were a sincere gesture (without ulterior motives), I would say go for it...but a couple of posts on the same topic lead me to believe it's something a lot more serious for you. Link to comment
alli Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 I don't think she deserves a happy birthday from you IMO. I agree with Sara, she is going to expect a message from you and if you don't give in, she'll go crazy. I would leave her be with the intention of staying NC though, not to get her back! At first I was thinking maybe contact her but now I'm kinda liking this advice. She really just contacts you at her own convenience & made it some weird mystery as to what bad thing happened that you "couldn't get back together". Who knows her reasoning behind it, but I say start taking care of yourself first. Link to comment
tin_tin Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 It sounds from your other posts that this girl's birthday has been torturing you....once the day passes you'll want to say "hope you had a nice bday", etc. etc. If it were a sincere gesture (without ulterior motives), I would say go for it...but a couple of posts on the same topic lead me to believe it's something a lot more serious for you. It would only be a sincere gesture. Sorry about that, just trying to get some peoples opinions. I am actually juggling with the idea, if i should or shouldnt. Lady00 Yeah i know what your saying. Thats what i told her. when she moved in sept, i used to see her 2 or 3 times a week, we would talk everyday. I was there for her. Everything seemed great, she was planning things to do together, saying i made her the person she is, loved me more each day etc..... Then in november she was like im probably making the biggest mistake of my life, i wont meet no one like u. buti need to concentrate on passing my degree with flying colours to prove all her doubters wrong, and alot of the time i took up most of her thoughts. Juggling her job, keeping up with her rent. Guess im an idiot Well in 6 months time when she passes. If she dosnt find a job in her desired career, she will have to move back to our home town.........i wouldnt be surprised if she dosnt come back pleading to me! Link to comment
cloudyia. Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Why not text her a happy birthday? Be the better person! Link to comment
dur-LiveIt Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 She broke it off with you. She has set the parameters of your current situation. You own her nothing at this point. Though it is very nice of you to consider sending her a happy birthday greeting, I agree with those who say don't. These kind of gestures are for people that we are in good standing with, both emotionally and socially. I don't mean that not sending her one will be a grandstanding sort of gesture, it's just that perhaps she needs to feel what she has done has some consequences (good or bad) and one is that she can no longer expect for you to be there for her, even on ceremonious occasions. This is not meant to sound harsh or revengeful, only pragmatic. Relationships in any form are a barter system in reality. You give, you take. As soon as you feel the balance is off, it is time to step back and protect your assets. The fact that you are agonizing over this suggests that the balance is off. I would let the day pass. Wish her Happy Birthday from your heart and let it be. Hope things feel better soon. Link to comment
amipushy Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 "Do u want me out of your life forever, cos with you ignoring and not talking to me makes me feel u dont want me back at all ever" We exchanged presents christmas day, Then on boxing day she text me saying "im not in the mood to talk, had bad news, i dont see us getting back together" Been NC for 5 days....i havnt heard from her either... Shall i text her happy birthday and leave it be? Absoultely NOT! It will be like giving her permission to treat you how ever she damn well pleases whenever she feels like it. She made her choice, let her live with it. Link to comment
tin_tin Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 So many mixed responces! im 50/50 on what to do.......like i said if i do send it, i will go back to NC. Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Oof. I just sent a girl a Happy New Year that I definitely shouldn't have. You know... really what's the worse thing that could happen? As long as you're willing to get ignored or told off then you might as well go for it...that's my opinion. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 It doesn't sound like you're truly in NC ...it sounds like SHE is. Link to comment
tin_tin Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 Well, i just text her.........and she responded "Thankyou, how are you x" Thinking do i just leave it, then start my NC. Or reply. Link to comment
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