i think it's only getting worse...

[shygirl1212]

i don't know what is wrong with me but something definitely is...since my break-up with my ex of 8 years i don't even know who i am anymore. The only thing that makes me get up every morning and get dressed is my job.

 

I am so alone. I miss my ex deeply. I hate everything and almost everyone...it's bad I know. I feel isolated from my friends and sometimes even my family. While part of me knows that my ex and I were not good/right for one another, the other part of me is just lost and won't listen and won't let go.

 

I feel bad about everything. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to be around anyone anymore.

 

It's been almost 8 months since i last talked to my ex - how much longer is this going to take? i have no idea.

 

what am i doing wrong?

 

why is everything SO wrong?

 

how did I even end up here? i don't know.

 

there used to be a time when i was so happy, so incredibly happy.

 

I'm just sad. I know it's bad.

[savignon]

You might try reading "Co-Dependent No More" which is a book about relying on outside circumstances to measure or feel happiness. 8 years is a long time to be with someone and 8 months is not usually time enough to forget about it and move on. So, in that respect, you're not doing poorly or anything. It's no fun, though. Sorry you're feeling down and hope 2009 brings many blessings!

[dur-LiveIt]

Well,

 

I am glad to hear that work and your job make you be in the real world and give you a reason to get up and live everyday. That is a starting point for sure. You obviously have the self discipline and self worth to honor that responsibility. Kudos to you for that.

 

I am not sure what went on in the 8 years you were with your ex. But, it sounds like you isolated yourself within that relationship, pushed out your other relationships, i.e. family and friends. Kind of reeks of abuse, maybe, from his end?

 

I would encourage you to reach out to family and friends. Not knowing your circumstances, I am surprised they have not been reaching out to you during this time?

 

Try to get help, 8 years is a long time, and the loss must be great. But, it seems that enough time has passed for you to be moving on and feeling better about yourself. I am sorry you are not.

 

Best to you and hoping 2009 is a better time for you.

[ThisXmas]

sounds like you are depressed. I wonder if you have been in therapy? maybe it will help you to cope with the losses.

 

I would suggest maybe at least you should have something more than your job. just "force" yourself to go out doing exercises or doing something you used to enjoy, even before you knew your ex. were you a happy person or at least a fine person before you knew your ex? if you were, then you WILL be as happy as ever. It is just a matter of time, but your faith in yourself would help tremendously. If your own experiences tell you that you were a happy person you can go back and be the same.

 

I will suggest doing something that you always wanted to do...or the things that you used to enjoy doing but didn't have enough time to do/learn. It is also important to initiate contact with some good friends and social support does help esp. in difficult times.

 

8 months for 8 years. I think you've spent enough time mourning the losses and this message is a signal for you that you decided to change, which is a good start. Easier said than done but 8 months will at least make it pretty clear that the chance of getting back together is almost 0, which should help you heal faster.

[Anusha]

I have the same problem,I know my relationship wasnt good for me but even so I cant let go.I have read the book How to Break your Addiction to a Person and it really helped me.It explains why we get so conected to people that are bad for us.Maybe helps you too.