Big problem or just cold feet?

[RobDream31]

me and my fiance have been dating for 4 years....we have never had problems and our wedding is in August.

 

Well, my fiance told me today that she hasn't been interested in sex the last month and is freaking out about the wedding. She says she is horny when I'm not around and thinks about us having sex, but then when I'm there she has no desire at all and feels weird about it.

 

She said that now she has the option to be with other guys, but chooses to be with me, but if we get married she will feel trapped. We are best friends and have honestly never had problems, so I think it's just cold feet, but am also freaking out now and thinking we might break up if this doesn't get better.

 

What do you guys think? Cold feet or HUGE problem?

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

Sorry this has happened. I think this is something she needs to deal with and there isn't much you can do to influence her. I certainly would advise calling off the wedding and the engagement and telling her that if she decides she does want you then she should let you know and you will decide then what you want to do if you are still available.

 

And you should tell her that until she has decided it is in your best interests that you not be in contact so that you can both have some clarity about what has happened.

[SapphireNoir10]

I certainly think you shouldnt get married until you resolve your problems.

 

Getting married wont fix it and it does sound more than cold feet. She is having the usual doubts, but sexual incompatibility could lead to more problems and the fact she almost sounds like she resents you because she cant be with anyone else in a way.

 

you need to talk to her, perhaps have relationship counselling and get to the root of her issues.

[savignon]

Tell when she's married she still has the "option" to be with other guys (it would be cheating now and infidelity later...both breaking her commitment to you) Marriage is not a cage...you make a choice every day to be with that person, be faithful, work things out and so on. Ask her if she's still interested in making that big of a commitment or if she feels like she needs to 'sow some oats'. You might not like what you hear, but better to know now!!!

[RobDream31]

I know we can't get married like this and I know that some time apart is probably the most reasonable option, but we are best friends and that is going to be very hard.

 

I think counseling is a good idea and could help a lot with her issues...thanks for all the responses.

[DN]

The fact that it is very hard should not deter you from doing the right thing.

 

I think counselling may help. But, and this is really important, it will only help if she has made a commitment to really trying to solve issues beforehand. It will not work if she still has doubts and the counselling is an attempt to get her to change her mind.

 

So that is why I strongly suggest calling off the engagement and wedding plans. This should be your decision - not one negotiated or agreed upon. You do it. You need to make sure she understands the consequences of what she is doing and saying and that you really mean to end the relationship altogether if she is not 100% committed to her love for you.

 

It would be a huge mistake to marry with anything less than that - and the counselling needs to reinforce her commitment not change her mind because she isn't.