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I'm having a hard time choosing which one I want to be with. I want to be with both girls but I know I have to choose.


Girl 1- My ex. We dated on and off for about a year, but she broke up with me for someone else. I made it rather clear that I will not give her another chance unless she grows up and actually wants a committed relationship with me. This was in August/September of 2008. We are very good for each other if you take out the break ups because they were never really the result of an argument nor did they cause one. Out of the entire time we've known each other, we have never had any arguments. I am still in love with her and I know she still feels the same way. Lately she has pretty much been begging me to give her another chance and talking about how she doesn't know why she let me go, she pretty much is beating herself up about it. Right now, we're close friends (I have managed to stay friends with all of my exes).


Girl 2- Met her in late October/early November. We basically met like this: I became friends with this one guy. She is in his group of friends and she happened to ride my bus, which neither of us knew until she noticed me on the bus. She exclaimed how she didn't know that and after a bit, asked for my phone. When I got it back from her I found her number in my contacts list and that she sent a text from my phone to her's so that she has my number. We've talked a lot on the phone and through notes, never hung out. I started liking her and she started liking me. The only real "problem" is that she is 15 and I am 19 (20 in a couple months). Her mother said no to her going out with me but I asked her to tell her mother that I would like to meet her so that she can get to know me better, even if it means her interrogating me. That way she is saying "Yes" or "No" to the person instead of the age difference. She hasn't mentioned it yet. But lately she has been saying that she is starting to fall for me and, though I haven't told her, I feel that I am starting to as well. She is the only girl I've liked that is actually younger than I am, but she has earned my trust faster than anyone I've met and actually talks about problems rather than letting them fester. She knows how my ex feels about me (their in the same chorus) and my ex knows how I feel about both of them. Out of the two, she is the only one who gave me anything for Christmas. Even though she is 15, she seems to have a better grasp over what she wants in a relationship than my ex does.


I'm not asking how I can choose without hurting one of them because I know that is completely inevitable. I just can't figure out which one I should choose because of Girl 2's age and my ex in terms of the lack of security in how long the relationship will last (whether it will last a month or a year).


If it matters at all, today I'm hanging out at the movies with my ex today but I'm really unsure of whether to consider it a date or just hanging out.

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Hmmmm....tough one. Well, first, kudos for offering to meet mom and get interrogated. That shows a lot of maturity and good intent. I'm impressed.

Is your ex the same age as her (they're in the same chorus class??). A 15 year old is very young and for the next few years will be doing HS and grades and figuring out the future, which just puts you in 2 very different places in life. It might get a little tiring after the initial excitement. Your ex, though, seems like she goes back and forth. While you're out with her today, ask her what kind of commitment she's willing to make to you and see if she follows through. Any future flaky-ness and you should learn she's not ready for the kind of relationship you'd like. The younger girl, though...I'm not sure about that. When I think about the difference in me between 15 and 20, it's just huge.

Best wishes and Happy New Year!

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Thanks. I just prefer to meet someone so they can make an informed decision about me based on my personality rather than on an uncontrollable characteristic. I'm the type that if I am friends or are dating someone, I want to become friends (or at least on a good page) with their parents and whoever else is living with them. I've honestly never had any parents dislike me.


No, they're not in the same chorus class. The same chorus. My school has four chorus classes a day, each with different students and the ones who try hardest to be or are the best get to sing in the school chorus. The 15-year old sang state twice already, which is very impressive. I heard her sing once and wasn't surprised, she can do opera very well.

She seems to be very mature for her age, more mature than most in our school. We both know that passion and excitement do wear down in a relationship, it is just a matter of committment, dedication, and keeping the romance going. Which all go hand-in-hand. Those were actually her words.

My ex already told me less than a month ago that she is "too young to get tied down", which makes no sense at all because she is only a few months younger than I am. Also because there are middle-schoolers who are ready for a committed relationship. Two of my best friends have been together since their 7th grade year and they're both 22 or 23 years old. Major arguments and a break every now and then but they always remained monogomous towards each other whether on a break or not.

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girl # 2 is too young, are you trying to catch a case? besides, I know she seems mature, but I think most 15 years olds have more growing up to than most 19 year olds.


You said you are still in love with your ex. You can't start a relationship with someone when you are still in love with someone else.

In all honesty, I can't really describe my feelings towards my ex as anything but confusion. I am still attracted but doubtful to her committment. I think I still love her, but for all I know it could merely be that I am more in love with what could be than what is.

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