D_Lish Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 So reminds me of the convos I would have....and it's like some of these guys have one track minds and just can't help spewing forth sexual remarks. I would block immediatley and as soon as they made some sexual remark. I'd also block immediatley, those who mailed with sexually suggestive usernames. This kind of perv, doesn't even warrant a reply.... Best laugh is, they would obviously wonder why I'd blocked them and request to be unblocked....DUHHHHHH!!! Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 He ended up emailing asking why I wouldnt chat online and this is what i wrote: Original Message YOU sent on 1/2/2009 5:59:51 PM because im sick and tired of guys that get overly sexual on the net before i have even met them. Like wanting to spank me, and undressing me on the phone. I mean seriously- you havent even met me, and Ive just had it with guys trying to sleaze on before they have even met me. Why do they think that its going to work? And it has nothing to do with being prudish, its just crass, and if you ask any other woman on the net trying to online daye - you will find the same thing as well. It just shows that you are only after a shag, no matter how many times you say you are "looking for love". HE REPLIED: Honestly it is only a joke but if you think that way then you assume way too much, but whilst we are being brutely honest how about you, going onto a dating site and not being single (well just single) I didn't want to be like that but you assume alot. Maybe you needed more time before getting back on the horse. Oh and there is nothing sleazy about wanting someone(yes we males do go by looks hell we got eyes we use them), ok I should maybe been abit more gentleman like but I thought you would see it as joke. Anyway obivously we are not for one another... best of luck. I REPLIED_ He just didnt get it!! No no no, it has nothing to do with not being over someone or whatever. I have had a lot of experience with online dating, and although i used to respond to guys who would be overly sexual without meeting me, it would just set the tone when we met. Most women do view it the same as I do, unless they are looking for a **** buddy. What it says to a girl is "im looking for a **** buddy" And fair enough if you are, but I'm not. And Im not stupid, you didnt mean it as a "joke" at all. There are so many threads online about this issue. Its a shame because earlier on it seemed we would be good. I am not coming from the point of view of a prude, just online experience. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 Just noticed you kept the guy hanging on an IM conversation while you were on the phone for 11 minutes. Next time try "I have to go, talk later," to avoid people who feel they are being treated rudely trying to get a reaction from you... Interestingly enough, in the other conversation, you typed out the word "sex," not him. Thats because i could smell his game a mile off. and wanted to let him know. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 I don't see anything particularly inflammatory or pervy in the posted IM exchanges, fairly mundane flirtation IMO. You were "loling" plenty. Lots of totally decent men and women engage in explicit flirtation online. If you meet a guy you like otherwise, and he starts up, just tell him you don't like the way the talk is moving. If he persists, then block. This thread strikes me as kind of prudish, and I don't do phone sex or explicit online flirtation. If I did make an innuendo or even a more overt, but not explicit comment, I'd find blocking me for it to be pretty silly in this day and age. Smacks of a power/control game, sorry to say. Its not prudish. If you meet guys like these you end up being their hook up, simple as that. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 I don't see anything particularly inflammatory or pervy in the posted IM exchanges, fairly mundane flirtation IMO. You were "loling" plenty. Lots of totally decent men and women engage in explicit flirtation online. If you meet a guy you like otherwise, and he starts up, just tell him you don't like the way the talk is moving. If he persists, then block. This thread strikes me as kind of prudish, and I don't do phone sex or explicit online flirtation. If I did make an innuendo or even a more overt, but not explicit comment, I'd find blocking me for it to be pretty silly in this day and age. Smacks of a power/control game, sorry to say. Obviously males are going to view this differently than females. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 I don't see anything particularly inflammatory or pervy in the posted IM exchanges, fairly mundane flirtation IMO. You were "loling" plenty. Lots of totally decent men and women engage in explicit flirtation online. If you meet a guy you like otherwise, and he starts up, just tell him you don't like the way the talk is moving. If he persists, then block. This thread strikes me as kind of prudish, and I don't do phone sex or explicit online flirtation. If I did make an innuendo or even a more overt, but not explicit comment, I'd find blocking me for it to be pretty silly in this day and age. Smacks of a power/control game, sorry to say. It was a nervous lol. Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I encounter these sorts too, but sometimes I give them a chance. I was talking on MSN last night to a guy who had a semi-suggestive screename (but mine is complete gibberish, so it doesn't always reflect the true person). He did once get a tad suggestive but I stopped it dead with a "Jeez, it is Innuendo Central in here?" and he backed down immediately. You have to draw your own boundaries - after that, he was 'normal', chatting about everyday stuff, no suggestive comments. If you slap 'em down, show them you have more class than that, they tend to follow. Sure, some just want some sleazy chat and a possible hook-up, but I'm willing to believe that a good few think that's what women want to hear - to make them feel attractive and 'wanted'. I tell them straight that that kind of cheesy bullsh*t doesn't work on me. He actually appreciated me telling him he was overstepping the mark - in fact, he seemed pretty confused about what women want to hear! Interestingly, he's a good looking man yet he says he finds it really hard to get a date as most women he's encountered just WANT the attention yet won't go on dates. * * * ? No wonder they don't know what the hell to do! Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 Its just that men dont understand that its not that appealing to talk smut until AFTER you have met. And i hate to come accross as a prude, but its just that i have willingly had so many of these convos with men online, and when ive met them, yeah they only wanted one thing (never succumbed except to one) So Im just OVER IT> Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I had no interest in reminding an adult man that it was inappropriate to address a lady he was potentially interested in a serious relationship with down the road to use sexual innuendoes before ever meeting in person and getting to know the other person's boundaries. I wasn't on the site to teach basic manners and respect even if he missed that day in kindergarten when those were taught. I also had no interest in risking my personal safety in meeting someone in person who thought that that behavior was appropriate or welcome. Link to comment
servedcold Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Thats because i could smell his game a mile off. and wanted to let him know. I don't see much "game" at all, just a guy who got a bit put off after you left him hanging in an IM conversation while you were on the phone for 11 minutes and tried to get a reaction from you. I wouldn't use the specific language he used, but overt flirting in person often includes talk more explicit than what he engaged in, and women either respond in kind or they don't. It doesn't make him "just another online perv." He might be a perv, you have no evidence of it at this point though. After being told you didn't like his talk, he responded in what I find to be an evenminded way, rather than calling you names or getting angry, he just suggested you both move on. You ignore this very clear statement on his part and now claim that he "just doesn't get it" because his response didn't conform with your preconceived notion of who he is. I also agree with him that you shouldn't be on a dating site immediately after a breakup. He brings this very valid point up in a straightforward way, even apologizing for being blunt, and IMO you should consider his advice carefully because it is very good advice. Its not prudish. If you meet guys like these you end up being their hook up, simple as that. You may be right that it's not prudishness, it's probably a bit worse behavior than prudishness on your part. As I said earlier, it smacks of a power and control game. You have been hurt in a relationship, so you hop right onto an online dating service where you are free to reject men out of hand making yourself feel better, then come here and make a case against all these "internet pervs." "See, haha men are all the same, but I have the power of the block button." It's pretty transparent actually, but IMO is not productive for you in healing from a breakup. You are making some undue assumptions about hookups, I don't see any indication that the guy in question was just looking for a hookup. If your point is that men approach women with sex in mind, I'd agree with you, c'est la vie. Obviously males are going to view this differently than females. Maybe. I agree with you that it is generally a good idea to be careful on the net, because there are lots of shady types out there shielded somewhat by anonymity. You are free to be offended by any talk you like, and to terminate the conversations accordingly. There is obviously more going on here that I think you need to face. The most productive track for you may be to stay off dating sites immediately after a breakup. Best wishes. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Its not prudish. If you meet guys like these you end up being their hook up, simple as that. Exactly and that is what I'd be thinking too. I think guys use sexual inneuendo to test females....to sort out those they think would be an easy lay for them, cuz 95% of them are looking for that....an easy shag! Nothing to do with being prudish or being fresh out of a relationship. I'd been out of a relationship for a L-O-N-G time, but I still don't like it when guys get too sexual. It's guys being 'forward' and before we have got to know them properly or met them. Gives off a bad impression of the guy and also that he is looking for one thing and has one thing only on his mind. I also laughed at the guys reply where he says, men focus on a womans looks......yet guys don't and wouldn't like it, if we women said the same and went for looks only! 95% of men wouldn't stand a chance with women on dating sites, if women were to go for looks!! Link to comment
servedcold Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 95% of men wouldn't stand a chance with women on dating sites, if women were to go for looks!! Could be true in your population area, I doubt it, but in my large population area, and every one of the many areas I've looked into in the U.S., based on pictures alone, the average male internet dating profile presents a significantly better looking person than the average female profile. Women have a better selection pool in internet dating and the internet dating process is much much easier for women of average and above attractiveness than it is for men of average or above attractiveness, no ifs ands or buts. Link to comment
veda999 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 You are sooooooooooo right. I just dropped my link removed subscription, that is it for me. One guy I met through emails was emailing one women porno pics, then he started emailing me porno pics, and now he is on facebook with yet another woman doing the same thing. This after we emailed each other every night for almost a year. I am done with online anything and all I can say is there are unbelievable snakes out there, preying on lonely women of all ages. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Could be true in your population area, I doubt it, but in my large population area, and every one of the many areas I've looked into in the U.S., based on pictures alone, the average male internet dating profile presents a significantly better looking person than the average female profile. Women have a better selection pool in internet dating and the internet dating process is much much easier for women of average and above attractiveness than it is for men of average or above attractiveness, no ifs ands or buts. Women are the fairer sex....and are wayyy more attractive than men....lol Men have a better dating pool IMO, so many pretty women to choose from.... While we have to opt for the best of the bunch, which is like looking for needles in haystacks, with a personality that matches....a rare find Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 D Lish, I'm in the UK too and have come to the sad conclusion from the dating sites that British men just don't look after themselves as well as their overseas counterparts. Honestly, I've lost count of the number of "football-shirt & swilling a pint" pictures I've flicked past. Beer gut, just eeewwwwwww! Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 D Lish, I'm in the UK too and have come to the sad conclusion from the dating sites that British men just don't look after themselves as well as their overseas counterparts. Honestly, I've lost count of the number of "football-shirt & swilling a pint" pictures I've flicked past. Beer gut, just eeewwwwwww! Oh gawd, tell me about it and I know what you mean. British men are exactly as you describe them...beer swilling, overweight, football fanatics....honestly!! Well if they think that is what women want, is it any wonder they have to go online looking....and are still unsuccessful. I don't understand females from overseas who say, they like British guys...WTH?? Have they seen Brit guys of recent??? LOL They'd get a dose of 'reality' if they were to go on the Brit sites I've been on. Men from abroad are so much more kempt in their appearance, seem to take an awful lot more pride in themselves....you are correct there too Link to comment
joebloggs Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Oh gawd, tell me about it and I know what you mean. British men are exactly as you describe them...beer swilling, overweight, football fanatics....honestly!! Well if they think that is what women want, is it any wonder they have to go online looking....and are still unsuccessful. I don't understand females from overseas who say, they like British guys...WTH?? Have they seen Brit guys of recent??? LOL They'd get a dose of 'reality' if they were to go on the Brit sites I've been on. Men from abroad are so much more kempt in their appearance, seem to take an awful lot more pride in themselves....you are correct there too Sounds like you need to frequent different bars, online forums etc. Link to comment
Javito1986 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Don't talk to people on the internet who spell people "ppl" and you "u". You'll weed out a good 60 - 70% of the morons right off the bat. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Sounds like you need to frequent different bars, online forums etc. I was on a UK flirt site....waste of time going to other UK ones, they all look the same lol. I don't frequent bars these days.....feel like a granny among the kids Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Don't talk to people on the internet who spell people "ppl" and you "u". You'll weed out a good 60 - 70% of the morons right off the bat. That kind of lingo puts me off too. Sometimes I would get messages that would say 'Hi babygirl, HOLLA back'....WTH????? If you can't speak the Queens English, don't bother! lol Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 no one can spell anymore. I got a message on POF and in the subject line it said "Kool" I deleted it. Instant turn off. I dont even particularly like "Cool" but K O O L !???????????????????? eewwww. Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 LOL. thats funny . he probably need to rub one out. i think thats why guys do that crap. cause they have something built up sexually. LOL @ norm thats golden. Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 That kind of lingo puts me off too. Sometimes I would get messages that would say 'Hi babygirl, HOLLA back'....WTH????? If you can't speak the Queens English, don't bother! lol then you end it with lol. im lost what's the difference. I mean if you are saying the holla back baby grl like hood talk then sure but if you are agreeing with poster who said ppl and u then isnt lol the same? is it ok to say hearts at the end of a message? or is that not cool? Link to comment
Javito1986 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Eh.... not really. "lol" is just "laughing out loud". Just use it at the end of a sentence to show that you're amused. You kind of not need that stuff on the internet since it's not like we can see each other laughing or smiling. I use "haha" instead of "lol", but I'm just modern like that. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 then you end it with lol. im lost what's the difference. I mean if you are saying the holla back baby grl like hood talk then sure but if you are agreeing with poster who said ppl and u then isnt lol the same? is it ok to say hearts at the end of a message? or is that not cool? LOL is laugh out loud and is used to express an emotion... Far cry from: 'Hey der babez, lukin 4 a chat, wot u up 2 laterz! You won't catch me speaking that way in any kind of communication online or offline. Using hearts? Unsure what you mean? But guys who ask for virtual hugs are a right turn off too....yuck! Link to comment
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