chocolates Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 So as many know, I have had one relationships with a man that was purely sexual, fb fwb call it what you will. And I learned that I am not suited to it. Having stepped back into shark infested waters (ie online dating) I lament to tell that i fear that that is all that is available online. Ok example: I started chatting to this guy on Sunday. I have not met him, not spoken on the phone, just IM chat. I also specifically said to him that I am not looking for that type of thing. this guy is froma normal dating site, and one where you can block people who specify that they want "intimate encounters". And here is the Im we had today: YES his name is NORM Norm: hey there (1:52 PM) Kathy: hello fatcat (1:52 PM) Kathy: large cat (1:52 PM) Kathy: you dont even like cats (1:52 PM) Norm: well fatcat was my nickname (1:53 PM) Norm: given to me by my sister at about 10yrs of age (1:53 PM) Kathy: nice (1:53 PM) Norm: hence she got called fatcow (1:53 PM) Kathy: oh yeah the tv character (1:53 PM) Norm: yeah u remember (1:54 PM) Norm: well in our family affection is usually shown with a jesture that most ppl would take offence too (1:54 PM) Norm: so for example.. i would walk up to Natasha and say"how is it going fatcow" (1:55 PM) Kathy: lol (1:55 PM) Kathy: can you hold on im on the phone (1:55 PM) Norm: she would respond with oh I she you just still a fatcat (1:55 PM) Norm: ok (1:55 PM) Kathy: amuswe yourself for a minute (1:55 PM) Norm: haha (2:06 PM) Norm: ok 11 minutes of amusement I am going to have to annoy u now (2:07 PM) Norm: small mind see (2:09 PM) Norm: you so lucky I am not there cause if ya on the phone i would tend to undress you and tease... that way the conversation you be having would be a real test of concentration .. lol oh and if you hung up the phone I would stop... hehe evil hey (2:17 PM) Norm has been blocked Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 This isn't so much something that you alone encounter, this is just normal to find that there are many snakes on online sites. It means that you will likely have to chat with a LOT of guys to find a small few that are actually viable. This is par for the course with online dating. I only did it a short time and foudn the same problem. I just disconnected with the person the minute i found that he and I had nothing in common, and sexual talk like that when I didn't even really know him was a number one reason for the disconnect. I am a sexually playful person but i would never tolerate a man i just met on an online site or in person to get nasty like that when we have not even been dating and gotten to know one another. It is a sign of disrespect and i didn't get angry or feel deflated, i just removed them from the list of potentials. I also breathed a sigh of relief that they made the selection decision easy early on so i didn't have to wait for a few dates to see the wolverine come out. This isn't really an abnormal thing that you are facing. It is very common when you use online dating. As far as most of your relationships being FWB's, you alone control that. If you don't want that type of situation, don't allow it. You might need more instant affirmation and as such settle with guys who only want sex when you want more, but all this does in the long run is leave you more exasporated. Hold out for no sex until you find a guy who is willing to date you properly. Most all single women could say they only have encounered FWB relationships if she actually is willing to put herself in that situation. There are a great deal of men out there who will have that type of relationship if they can find a woman to allow it. Link to comment
chocolates Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 No I know its not abnormal. I am just so tired of it Sometimes i just feel that the only men available online are pervs with no social skills. That was the second chance i gave him too. The first time was this: 9:16 PM) Norm: i much rather spending the arvo giving ya a spanking for not washing the car .. lol (9:16 PM) Kathy: oh he is doing a crap job now and works like 16 hours a night (9:16 PM) Kathy: that sounds fun (9:16 PM) Kathy: i havent washed the car either (9:17 PM) Norm: well personally the car can wait .. i just wanted an excuse to spank u (9:17 PM) Norm: lol (9:17 PM) Norm: hey gotta give ya some attention (9:17 PM) Kathy: lol (9:18 PM) Norm: and besides that spanking can go on for ages .. but lovin well geez all that work .. i would want it to end .. before the cronic heart failure (9:18 PM) Norm: lmao (9:18 PM) Kathy: so you are a sex maniac as well (9:19 PM) Norm: mmm i will not stop u (9:19 PM) Norm: ur needs are needs .. my duty to my duty and after thati explained i was not looking for just sex and ended the convo. But then now he is still doing it. its very disappointing because we had quite an intellectual connection, but then he started with all of this. Link to comment
chocolates Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 And its not that im a prude. i am sexually playful as well, but only with someone i know and have slept with, and only after time. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Well i would never have given him a chance at a second IM. Some men are just plain outright pervs online. If you give them the inch they will take the mile. I think it would be easier if you just cut these guys off from the get go without second chances. His first IM string was even worse than the second so the second should not have occurred. Link to comment
chocolates Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Yeah I dont know why i didnt block straight off. But I have now. Link to comment
chocolates Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Yeah im reading it again and my god it IS worse! Link to comment
chocolates Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 I really think that finding a decent guy online is quite difficult. They are there hiding behind their computers, its kind of gross. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I really think that finding a decent guy online is quite difficult. They are there hiding behind their computers, its kind of gross. The computer/internet is a perfect tool for a pervert. So yes, many perverts are on the computer. HOwever, all men on the computer are not perverts. They just take awhile to find. Link to comment
chocolates Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 I know im generalising. Link to comment
jettison Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 The computer/internet is a perfect tool for a pervert. So yes, many perverts are on the computer. HOwever, all men on the computer are not perverts. They just take awhile to find. What's so wrong with being a pervert? We get such a bad rap. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 What's so wrong with being a pervert? We get such a bad rap. I'd cut you off my IM list faster than you can say "what happened"? LMAO Link to comment
jettison Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I'd cut you off my IM list faster than you can say "what happened"? LMAO I'm not on your IM list. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I'm not on your IM list. LOL oh. My bad! snicker Link to comment
jettison Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 LOL oh. My bad! snicker Ohhh baby. I love the way you say that you're bad and the way you talk about your succulent snicker. Am I doing it right? Link to comment
chigal28 Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Having done the online dating thing on a few sites...that (the people looking just for random hookups) does get really old. I thought (naively) that people taking the time to create a profile online MUST be looking for more than the playboys I met at the bars were looking for...but sadly, for every decent guy, there were at least two or three that were looking just to hook up. Think of it this way...at least you're scouting them out online before you give up some of your time to meet them and waste your time on a date!! I wasn't big on communicating via e-mail, so if I got a good vibe from someone after a couple of e-mails, I'd tend to meet them...and waste a date or two before figuring out what they were after. Link to comment
chigal28 Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I'd like to add, don't give up hope or become jaded!!! Remember, YOU are on these dating sites, and there are other wonderful people on there, as well. It's just a matter of using your judgement and intuition to find the good ones. Link to comment
chocolates Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Yeah im just disappointed because some of our other conversations showed me that we were very likeminded intellectually, opinions, values...... ugh Link to comment
chigal28 Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Yeah im just disappointed because some of our other conversations showed me that we were very likeminded intellectually, opinions, values...... ugh That is a HUGE bummer. What if--and this is an off-chance--he is just moving things along in a way he thinks women want, and isn't sure how to relate and move things forward in a "normal" way? I'm not saying to meet up with him, and you should definitely use your intuition as to whether you want to continue conversing...but I'm just playing devil's advocate. If you had good conversations about other things before he starting moving it into an uncomfortable realm--well, he could just think, "this is what I need to do to get her interested in meeting in person." But having been chatting with him online, you are in a much, much better position to judge that, and if he makes you uncomfortable, definitely don't move forward. It sounds like you've made your wants/not wants known, and if he can't respect that...well, that speaks volumes too, doesn't it? Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 One online guy I was chatting to I got on well with, so we swapped phone numbers. A few days later, he sent me a photo of his erect penis - out of nowhere. I was just like - "ewwwww, *why* did you do that?" He called me a prude. Next.... But that was a bit depressing, I have to say. Wasn't even a nice one... Link to comment
chocolates Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 one online guy i was chatting to i got on well with, so we swapped phone numbers. A few days later, he sent me a photo of his erect penis - out of nowhere. I was just like - "ewwwww, *why* did you do that?" he called me a prude. Next.... But that was a bit depressing, i have to say. Wasn't even a nice one... lol lol lol Link to comment
servedcold Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I don't see anything particularly inflammatory or pervy in the posted IM exchanges, fairly mundane flirtation IMO. You were "loling" plenty. Lots of totally decent men and women engage in explicit flirtation online. If you meet a guy you like otherwise, and he starts up, just tell him you don't like the way the talk is moving. If he persists, then block. This thread strikes me as kind of prudish, and I don't do phone sex or explicit online flirtation. If I did make an innuendo or even a more overt, but not explicit comment, I'd find blocking me for it to be pretty silly in this day and age. Smacks of a power/control game, sorry to say. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 One way I screened out those types was by refusing to IM before we met (with very few exceptions) -- my guess is that many men are comfortable typing that stuff but wouldn't say it on a phone call. If anything sexual was mentioned I blocked or ended the call immediately. I encountered hundreds of men on on line sites who were not like that in the least. My profile was fun, lighthearted and also very direct about what I was looking for (marriage and family) with no "negatives" such as "I am not looking for a fling" - because once you write or say that, the listener assumes that you've been treated badly in the past and that's often a turn off as a first impression. It was to me. Link to comment
sff123 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 one suggestion i could offer is instead of going directly to dating sites try sites that are related to areas that you are interested in or to general social sites. this way you'll meet people who have similar interests or people who just want to chat instead of people who are specifically interested in sexual relationships. This might give you a smaller pool of people to choose from because some people may not be interested in forming relationships at all, but the people you do get to know will have similar interests and well have gotten to know you because they like you rather than because they were out to get a quick relationship on the internet Link to comment
servedcold Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Just noticed you kept the guy hanging on an IM conversation while you were on the phone for 11 minutes. Next time try "I have to go, talk later," to avoid people who feel they are being treated rudely trying to get a reaction from you... Interestingly enough, in the other conversation, you typed out the word "sex," not him. Link to comment
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