Help! I think i'm obsessed with my girlfriend.

[Josh19]

EDIT: i have been doing what everyone is saying, now i'm not getting any text messages back, and she is reading the myspace messages, but not replying back to them. im thinking the only reason why is because today IS new years eve so it must be very busy at the firework stand. i'm hoping that's the reason =/

 

 

Okay so me and this girl have been dating for 5 months.

We are both in love with each other, but I think I'm obsessed.

 

We met at starbucks coffee, i just told her she was cute and she gave me her number. Now it's been 5 months, and the good thing is I realized the day I met her that she lives 5 minutes from my house, so I could easily walk if I wanted to.

We usually hang out about everyday but right now she is always at her mom's firework stand 11:00am to 10:00 pm, so at the moment we are not seeing each other much at all.

 

When we text each other on the phone, or send a message on myspace, I get impatient too quickly. I will send her a message and she will take 10 minutes to respond back, I constantly refresh my myspace page until she has read the message and replied back, same for text i sit there holding my phone for up to 20 minutes just waiting on a text back.

 

I am not going to far by constantly texting her and messaging her, and I'm not constantly calling her, because I don't want to look like I'm too obsessed with her, no matter how badly I want to send another message when she doesn't respond back.

 

I'm not sure on what to do, she is all i think about, she's all thats on my mind. Right when I wake up I go to my myspace and check my phone and when I have nothing I feel lonely.

 

I have a temp job and I don't even go to my job now or talk to my family much anymore because I think I'm too obsessed with her.

 

What should I do?

[mariposa81]

Wait...I'm not sure I understand.

 

Did you meet her online? There's no mention of you spending time with her in person or even talking on the phone much but you mention myspace messaging and texting a lot.

 

Can you tell give us a little more history? Like how did you meet? How often do you get to spend time with her? Is it a long distance relationship? Did you meet her online? Have you ever met her in person?

[Josh19]

Alright sorry, I detailed it more now.

[JadedStar]

It sounds more like you are just an over anxious person, perhaps you suffer from something like GAD (general anxiety disorder) or even mild OCD. I used to do things like this in the past but it was due to OCD, not any obsession with a person but more obsession with the routine. To me it sounds more like you are obsessed with the routine of having her respond to you quickly and the routine of seeing her everyday has been interrupted and making you over anxious.

 

I totally would be looking more at something you might be suffering from or a mild social disorder vs being obsessed with her per se. Likely you would go thru this with any relationship.

 

Have you found that you are extermely routine oriented and have you gotten anxious in the past when routine is interrupted? Do you have any habits that you find you repeat compulsively at times? How old are you Josh?

[Josh19]

I'm only 17. And yes I have always done this in the past, I never thought about it being my OCD, you just made me feel so much better JadedStar =).

I am very OCD all the time. And I am always doing this, but I never realized it was because of that, I thought it was because I was obsessed. Thank you! =)))

[JadedStar]

You can try to control this somewhat by forcing yourself to do other things when you are waiting vs constantly refreshing the screen. Get up from the computer or lay the phone down and go do something else. Try to occupy your mind with something else more productive.

 

I am not sure if you are able to but if you can I would see a counselor. There are different treatments out there today for OCD.

 

Good luck Josh!

[chigal28]

I think it's very understandable...but if you maintain such a focus on your girlfriend, you won't be focusing on your own life and your own interests, which are the things that attracted to you in the first place.

 

Believe me, I've been where you are, and it's so important to remember what makes you YOU--and it's not just being with your girlfriend. If you make her the center of everything, she won't be able to live up to your expectations--and you may become frustrated, when in actuality it's just that your expectations are set so high because you're so focused on her and on the relationship.

 

Just my two cents! It sounds like the two of you have a good thing going--just find your balance.

[abitbroken]

If she is at the fireworks place, maybe she is working, stacking things up, talking to customers, moving boxes around. If I was at the family business all day, there would be pockets of time where I could have a lengthy (10-15 min) conversation when i could take a break, but most of the time I couldn't take a call outside of a "remember to pick up bread" quickie call. And even if a family business, maybe she can't have her cell out all the time. It is rude to customers, and there is also a security issue. She could easily put it down and someone could walk away with it.

 

I would see if she is open to having a phone conversation when she gets home. She probably doesn't immediately go to sleep, so maybe you can arrange it a few times a week. Or what about once a week, getting up early and taking her out to breakfast before she works? And then don't text her all day long. The more you can get the relationship into real time and out of the text world the better.

 

Maybe i am a million years old, but when i was dating in my early 20s, i had a cell, but we saw eachother twice a week because that was what our schedules allowed, and then when one of us got a weekend off we would spend more time together. But with life, jobs, etc, we didn't see eachother everyday until we were well into our relationship/much more serious. Its not quantity but quality.

[Josh19]

I thank everyone for the replies. It has really helped me.

 

JadedStar - I didn't ever think it was because I was OCD

chigal28 - Your right, I need to remember what is me and concentrate on my own intertest, it's just like you wouldn't have a girlfriend, you just add more time into your life to be with her.

abitbroken - We stayed up till 2:00 AM EST time talking and she got home at 10:00. I really enjoyed talking to her. Thank you for the advice I don't know what it is like to work at a firework stand so i wasn't sure on why she takes 20minutes to text me back. I thought she gets a customer like every 5 minutes. Thank you

 

THANK YOU EVERYONE =)

[Josh19]

i have been doing what everyone is saying, now i'm not getting any text messages back, and she is reading the myspace messages, but not replying back to them. im thinking the only reason why is because today IS new years eve so it must be very busy at the firework stand. i'm hoping that's the reason =/