stuck in limbo

[MorgansMommy]

There is a lot of history to my problem, but I'll try to just be short and to the point. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. Dec. of last year I found out I was pregnant, and 4 months later I found out he had cheated on me. I moved back home to have the baby. After the baby was born, my husband convinced me to come back with him to try to make things work. Long story short, they didn't work. He is still in love with the girl he had an affair with. We are amazing friends, and he's a great dad, but we don't click when it comes to sex. As of now, we've decided to stay together until he is discharged from the Army, and start the divorce once we move back home. I have befriended this other girl (the one he had an affair with) because they have planned to be together after both of their divorces, and if she is going to be around my son I want to know her and be able to trust her. That, and as the saying goes, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Now, I have a few problems.

 

1. Even though he's not talking to this other girl right now, and even though we know that eventually we are going to be divorced, I have this constant feeling of inadequacy around my husband. Like I'm not good enough for him. I always have this feeling like whenever he is with me, he'd rather be with someone else.

 

2. I struggle every day with not wanting to be here. I ask myself every day why I can't just go home now, instead of waiting for my husband to be out of the army. The reasons are obvious: I want my son to be around his dad and vice versa, it would cost too much to move all of my stuff back home (which I don't have the money even if I was willing to pay), and if I stay with my husband until he's out, the army will put me through schooling so I can get a good job once we are divorced and I'm on my own. My reasons for wanting to go home are entirely selfish (just so I can be happy) and I realize that, but it's still a struggle every day to tell myself that. I just want to be where the people I love are, and where I have people that care about me and want me there too.

 

3. I still have trust issues with my husband. Every time he gets a phone call, I'm wondering if it's this girl. Every time he goes somewhere, I wonder if he's meeting her. I haven't been checking his email or phone bills latley, becuase I don't want to be that sneaky wife that is constantly trying to catch her husband, but I don't know how to stop worrying and wondering. And I don't know why I should care, if we aren't going to be together a year from now anyways!

 

well, this has gotten way to long, and if you've gotten this far, I really appreciate you taking the time to read. As you can see, I've created quite a mess for myself, and I would love any insight or advice that anyone has to give. TIA!

[doyathink]

I just read a post you gave, and it's the best advice for you to take. Just be the best mother you can be.

I was cheated on by my ex. I was devastated. Time is the only thing that healed the pain he caused me. I tried staying with him for quite awhile after it happened...but it tore us apart. I couldn't forget. I couldn't learn to trust again.

Move home if thats what will help you. Who cares if you're being selfish right now. You have the right to be.

[MorgansMommy]

I am focusing on my son, and what he needs. He's my life! But, I literally can't go home. All of my stuff is here, and I have no way to get it home, or the money to ship it. We have one car, and it is in my husband's name, so I would have no vehicle. I quit school to take care of him when he got in a bad car accident and never went back (which is why I am trying to take advantage of what the army will train me for while I'm still here) and I don't want to be that person that has a kid and moves back in with her parents and takes the easy way out. I'm a big girl, and I want to be independent and be able to do things on my own without running to mommy and daddy every time things get rough.

[midnightrambler]

staying with an unfaithful husband and befriending his mistress would drive me home to my parents