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"friendship" when the flame is still burning?


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He broke up with me for a number of reasons. I must say I do agree with those reasons but for me those were just issues that all can be figured out.

I still love him and sort of hope he loves me - but he thinks he is "doing the right thing".

 

He would like to remain friends. Even though what I should do is to go completely NC, I agreed to "friends" bacause I'm hoping the issues will have a chance to get worked out and he will see me and miss me and crave me and that's my plan to get him back.

 

I'm scared I'll end up hurting even more being around him and acting like "I'm over you" when I'm totally not!

 

Anybody has experience in getting an ex back this way?

I could use any advice!!!

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If you maintain a friendship with him, he has your company and presense and he may very well go off searching for a new love interest. Remaining friends in the hopes that it will become more again is typically a recipe for disaster. You will be reading into everything he says hoping it means getting back together is around the corner. It will take you longer to heal as long as the hope is still alive...then what happens if he starts dating others...you will be crushed. It is best to go NC..best to not know what he is up to...you need to work on moving on with your life. If he wants to get back together with you, NC won't stop him. He needs to feel your absense...if it is true love he will come and get you.

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my bf broke up with me and after 10 days of me going NC he started calling me, asking to come over..it worked..sort of. he wants to see me and "craves" me...but still doesn't want me back. kinda sucks a lot for me, considering i still love him

 

Yea well of coarse he needs physical love, and I'm sure you do too.

Sometimes I feel I'm down for a sex buddy game if only that would ensure seeing him. That's just desperate, i know.

 

I know NC is the thing to do - but I'm not strong enough to execute it so what are the alternatives??? To get him back or at least bounce out of brokenheartness](*,)

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Yes but if he doesn't have my company and presense - he can find new love even faster!

I just need him in my life so much!!!

 

You don't need him...you survived quite well before he walked into your life. If he is interested in dating others he will do so whether you are friends or not. Don't settle for crumbs, you are worth more than that.

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I would not try to be friends that hang out all the time and schedule things together. More of hey how are you then move on type of friend. You have to have some distance or you will be hurt.

 

I just started talking to my ex again and If I try to hard to be a friend she just gets angry and will say hurtful things, so then I back off. I don't want to hang out with her, but sometimes there is not a choice. We have mutual friends and I am not going to miss the friend functions because she might be there. So we either have to get along or one of us has to drop the friends, and I am not willing to loose good friends. Our mutual friends do not like her new boyfriend so he is never invited to the functions. I never have to deal with that awkwardness. She is hanging out less often because of him also.

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I agreed to be "friends" and all it seems to be doing is dragging out my heartache even more because I still love him.

 

It's never going to be the same kind of friendship we had when we were dating -- and right now he is in a new relationship and really doesn't have time for me anymore anyway.

 

I am trying to get the courage to just say goodbye. Because in my heart, I will always have the hope that maybe he will come back.

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my bf broke up with me and after 10 days of me going NC he started calling me, asking to come over..it worked..sort of. he wants to see me and "craves" me...but still doesn't want me back. kinda sucks a lot for me, considering i still love him

 

oh no, don't sleep with him - he's getting everything he wants, SEX but not a relationship, when you want everything. it's not fair to you, and he's not respecting you.

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If you maintain a friendship with him, he has your company and presense and he may very well go off searching for a new love interest. Remaining friends in the hopes that it will become more again is typically a recipe for disaster. You will be reading into everything he says hoping it means getting back together is around the corner. It will take you longer to heal as long as the hope is still alive...then what happens if he starts dating others...you will be crushed. It is best to go NC..best to not know what he is up to...you need to work on moving on with your life. If he wants to get back together with you, NC won't stop him. He needs to feel your absense...if it is true love he will come and get you.

 

Perfecto! Exactly the correct thing to do in this situation.

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I agreed to be "friends" and all it seems to be doing is dragging out my heartache even more because I still love him.

 

It's never going to be the same kind of friendship we had when we were dating -- and right now he is in a new relationship and really doesn't have time for me anymore anyway.

 

I am trying to get the courage to just say goodbye. Because in my heart, I will always have the hope that maybe he will come back.

 

IMHO this is the crux of the issue. The nature of hope is that as human beings, we continue to have it, no matter how bad any given situation looks until we know for SURE that there's no reason to.

 

As long as some ambiguity exists in your heart and/or mind as to whether you'll get back together with an ex that you still love, you'll continue to hope.

 

I've had some 1st hand experience of this, as have most people here, I'm sure.

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Yea well of coarse he needs physical love, and I'm sure you do too.

Sometimes I feel I'm down for a sex buddy game if only that would ensure seeing him. That's just desperate, i know.

 

I know NC is the thing to do - but I'm not strong enough to execute it so what are the alternatives??? To get him back or at least bounce out of brokenheartness](*,)

i understand how you feel as I was there 9 months ago, I would say go into nc for now, you both need time for yourself, breaking up is the biggest abuse or damage you can do to a relationship, so even if you decide to go back it will have to be a completely new and different relationship and for that you will need time to heal and reflect first..

 

If he loves you, he will understand nc, focus on yourself!

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5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

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