Need Help

[ravfe]

I need help. I am 14 years old, my name is Jeff and I have constant thoughts of death, suicide, harming myself you get the point. I have brothers that both do drugs. I have a drug problem myself I would like to fix, I smoke marijuana daily I take hallucinogenics, pills and I drink. I don't want to tell my parents because they would flip and my dad would probably beat me. I would like to sober up once and for all even though I'm only a freshmen in highschool. but this is only one of my problems. I am a failure at school, my best grade is a 73 in math. I have a term paper that was due before break I still haven't turned in. I told my mom about my thoughts long ago and she took me to a psychiatrist. I've been going for a year now and still haven't gotten better. I've had girl friends but they all think I'm gay for some reason now. I don't know where to go or what to do. I have friends and a lot of people like me but I don't like myself. I wish I wasn't me I guess, I'm thinking of killing myself but I don't want to hurt my family or my friends. I'm thinking of just taking all of my older brothers oxycodones' and overdosing on them, it would be painless and I would probably enjoy the feelings I have from it.

 

Thanks,

Jeff

[waveseer]

Does your psychiatrist know how you feel and your drug habits?

[ravfe]

Not yet, I should though, I've been thinking of how to bring it up with her between my last visit and now.

[trying2forget]

Jeff, I know so many people who have gone through what you're going through.

High school sucks. No one wants to tell that to kids but I have to tell you. And it doesn't get much worse than high school. After high school, it all gets better. You just have to make it through a measley 3 1/2 more years.

If you took your brother's OC's and had an OD... how do you think he would feel about that? I'm pretty sure he would blame himself.

Also, who would find your body after the OD? Probably still breathing...

that person would hate themselves forever. And have constant nightmares.

Suicide is one of the worst things you can do. You screw up everyone around you.

Right now you need to find something that makes you happy other than drugs. Try to lay off of the pills first. You do not want to be a pillhead much longer-- it sucks. Marijuana isn't physically addictive, so start with the pills. Once those drugs are gone, you can start to do better in school.

Also if you start to focus on things you really like, the pain will numb itself out.

As for girls... they all think boys are gay. It's all us girls talk about sometimes, it's quite annoying. As long as you know you're not gay, you're okay. And even if you are-- so what? Girls are stupid. But that does get better while in high school.

Try to find things you love about yourself. Write them down. Put them next to a mirror.

You'll be okay, kid. And try to talk to your psychologist about all of this. Confidentiality says that they can't tell your parents--and they won't unless you're gonna hurt someone, someone's hurting you, or you're gonna hurt yourself. Psychologists can be alright. Just give them a chance.

[trying2forget]

And just tell your psychologist. What is he/she gonna say anyway other than "uh-huh... and how does that make you feel?" ;-) (I'm a psychology major so I know how it goes.)

[julioiglesia]

You are not a failure because you are not doing well in school.

Your family should be your best resource and help you in times of need.

They might beat you but in the end they will realize something has to be done to make you better.

Hang in there. Life is too precious. go to link removed it will tell your stories about hardship and how today's leaders were able to overcome all odds. I hope this helps

[waveseer]

Not yet, I should though, I've been thinking of how to bring it up with her between my last visit and now.

 

It's okay to call between appointments for something important such as suicidal thoughts and/or plans. In fact, I suggest you call her right now and tell her what's going on with you.

[itsallgrand]

I totally agree with pulling out that paper with the number for your doc, and giving a call.

 

That is what she/he is there for.

 

So, all this time you have been going you didn't mention the drugs? Did she not ask? Or did you avoid telling the truth?

 

I know how intimidating it can be to walk into a psychiatrist's office. I know it can be difficult to open up, tell the truth, ask for help even.

 

But you are obviously very bright. 14, and you already know that you need to get out of this cycle of drugs and all the stuff that has led you to them in the first place, to come to some way of coping and understanding in a healthy way.

 

For the record, I think it is amazing that you have managed to do as well in school as you have considering your circumstances! A lot of people would have flunked out by now, or left school. You are hanging in there and obviously really trying and see how important it is.

 

Please hang in there, Jeff. Give your doc a chance. She needs to know these things. You might find she can be the resource that leads you to the rest of the resources you need to get through this.

[cassiana]

I had a friend and their family had a history of pschiatrich problems. Her younger brother was fine until he started smoking weed and since then he has had mood swings and have episodes where he would just talk crazy. Drugs of any sort mess with the delicate balance of your brain chemistry, a chemistry that has enough to go through what with puberty going on inside you. Think how some people can die from eating one peanut and ask yourself how smoking dope cannot be giving you alot of problems. How can your psychiatrist even begin to help you when you haven't told him/ her this vital piece of information.

14 is a time of flux. We feel useless, inadequate and self conscious. As we get older we learn to deal with all the new hormones and data and responsibilities that life brings. You are overwhelmed now but if you hang on in there and face it you will cope. Do that term paper no matter how badly save yourself a lifetime of guilt and decided not to be a procratinator. You could be doing it now instead of reading my ramblings.