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I'm pretty insecure about myself


Jim2007

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I've been seeing a therapist for a while now and the things I've learned from therapy have been helping but lately I've realized I need to help myself too. Sure therapy helps you overcome certain obstacles but if you don't create little goals for yourself you can't totally rid yourself of the problem. Let me explain a little bit about myself here, I have a case of social anxiety which I was diagnosed with. During high school I didn't make any effort to meet people and basically sat behind my computer every spare second I had. Now I noticed when I go to parties or social gatherings it's basically hit or miss, sometimes I feel really insecure and sometimes I'm fine. The other day we had a Christmas dinner with a few friends of mine and I came late and had a really hard time going into a room full of people sitting around a table playing cards. To be honest when I first arrived I basically hid in the front of the house and ate by myself.

 

Today I was thinking about the problem a bit and I noticed something. Whenever I'm home 100% of the time I'm on the computer, its like an addiction. Since I used this as an escape from reality all throughout high school it was one of the main causes of why my social skills were so low. These days I go out a lot more than I used to but still sit behind this computer too much and play too many video games which don't help my social skills at all. I think I need to seriously consider quitting video games and limit my computer time. The problem is I know as soon as I do this I'll be extremely bored. I need things to replace my time on the computer and help me out socially, expose me to more situations. Anyone have any ideas of what I can replace video games with? Another big issue is standing up for myself, like if someone says something negative about me I just draw blanks and appear helpless. But if I'm arguing with my parents it's a different story, I always know exactly what to say.

 

Does everything think this is a good idea for me to do?

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I think a balance is the best thing to seek out. If you love video games, then by all means, play games... but not to the exclusion of other things. I'd say look for events that you'cd like to experience and pick a couple of them to go on the calendar for the next month. Then add some time outdoors to get some exercise and fresh air in some way - go for a walk somewhere maybe a few days in the month (weather dependent). Let the people you like the most know you're available to do things and then do your best to be available (maybe avoid conflict by scheduling "video game nights / days" so they know you might not be available if there's a big WoW event or whatever you're into).

 

Stuff like that. I think you're doing the right thing, but don't give up on the games altogether if it's something you enjoy. Balance.

 

As for standing up for yourself, that's a whole other situation That's hard and takes role playing or a lot of experience to work on.... I have PTSD and developed issues with standing up for myself after that trauma. Guys I work with set up time to go in a room and be confrontational and aggressive with me to force me accross that comfort line and make me go after them. It does actually help, but be careful that they don't cross the line (ie, do NOT let them attack you on something that you're very vulnerable. Not until you have more practice and confidence)

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If you love video games - are there social groups who meet to discuss them? I'm total **** at this sort of thing so it's completely off my radar, but it would seem to be a good place to start.

 

This would get you out of the house, but not so far outside your comfort zone that it sets you back (like the example you describe above). If you can build a social network around this, you'll probably find members who are into other things as well so that you can extend your range of activities in a way that feels comfortable.

 

Hope this helps!

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It might be an idea to find a social club in your area, a movie, book or outdoor club where you could meet more people. The thing with anxiety is that it normally is an irrational fear, you really need to step out of your comfort zone to realise this. I would also recommend that you look for a course to learn to be more assertive when dealing with others.

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forums arent exactly perfect practice for real life social interaction but at times when you cant find a real social situation to fill you're time you can get a lot of practice in conversation and joking around in internet forums. it's not exactly the same as real life but some of the principals are the same

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