Prenuptials?

[rosephase]

A friend of mine just got married. And his wife was really upset that he asked for a prenup. I thought that was a pretty normal thing in this day and age when men get really unfairly screwed in divorce. But maybe I’m wrong. What do you think? Would you go for one, or ask for one?

[Cognitive_Canine]

A pre-nup suggests that they recognize that they may one day get divorced. I understand her being upset.

 

However, it is just being realistic and I think she's being a tad insecure.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Absolutely..I think prenups are important to protect both people because when a marriage splits up there can be a lot of anger and thoughts of revenge. You may be in love at the wedding...but when the marriage falls apart, hatred, bitterness and resentment can cause people to behave in a very cruel way...best to protect yourself in case you don't recognize your partner if the marriage falls apart.

[Scorpion Fury]

Romantically, I'd like to think my marriage would never end in divorce, and I'd really hope and pray it wouldn't. I plan on entering marriage with the notion that it's happily ever after.

 

Realistically, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and I doubt any of those people saw that day coming while they were on their honeymoon. So I think a pre-nup would be smart, just because it makes things a lot less messy in a divorce.

[redrose85]

I hate the idea of prenups, personally. I don't think that anyone should enter into a marriage wondering if deep down, their partner is one day going to turn around and beat them into the ground emotionally and financially. I think if you have to wonder if your SO could ever behave that way in a certain situation, you shouldn't marry them. I am idealistic, yes.

[jengh]

Romantically, I'd like to think my marriage would never end in divorce, and I'd really hope and pray it wouldn't. I plan on entering marriage with the notion that it's happily ever after.

 

Realistically, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and I doubt any of those people saw that day coming while they were on their honeymoon. So I think a pre-nup would be smart, just because it makes things a lot less messy in a divorce.

 

mhmmm, yes I agree completely. Both points that I was about to make!

[rosephase]

I hate the idea of prenups, personally. I don't think that anyone should enter into a marriage wondering if deep down, their partner is one day going to turn around and beat them into the ground emotionally and financially. I think if you have to wonder if your SO could ever behave that way in a certain situation, you shouldn't marry them. I am idealistic, yes.

 

Your also a woman. Women are not normally the ones who lose custody, child payments, they often get alimony for nothing more then being women.

 

I know it's not 100% but men are on the losing side of not getting a prenup. The courts are still waited like it's the 60's and women can't take care of themsleves or there children without the support of a man. Which really isn't true anymore.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Romantically, I'd like to think my marriage would never end in divorce, and I'd really hope and pray it wouldn't. I plan on entering marriage with the notion that it's happily ever after.

 

Realistically, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and I doubt any of those people saw that day coming while they were on their honeymoon. So I think a pre-nup would be smart, just because it makes things a lot less messy in a divorce.

 

Very Good points.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Your also a woman. Women are not normally the ones who lose custody, child payments, they often get alimony for nothing more then being women.

 

I know it's not 100% but men are on the losing side of not getting a prenup. The courts are still waited like it's the 60's and women can't take care of themsleves or there children without the support of a man. Which really isn't true anymore.

 

Well, just to add. My mother got 13 dollars a month from my father in child payments.

 

Women don't always come out on top.

[lady00]

I think of it as an insurance policy of sorts. It's the kind of thing you put in a drawer but hope to never have to use. It's like buying flood or fire insurance for your house. No one expects or predicts that these things will happen, but they protect themselves nonetheless because you just never know.

[redrose85]

Good point!

[Scorpion Fury]

Your also a woman. Women are not normally the ones who lose custody, child payments, they often get alimony for nothing more then being women.

 

I know it's not 100% but men are on the losing side of not getting a prenup. The courts are still waited like it's the 60's and women can't take care of themsleves or there children without the support of a man. Which really isn't true anymore.

 

Yeah it is mostly men that lose, but they usually are the bread winner. Whoever makes more money gets screwed in the alimony department. My aunt has to pay her ex-husband something crazy like $13,000.00 a month for a year or two, I think they were only married for 2 years. Women usually get custody of the kids unless they are proven unfit, because most courts feel that the best interest of a child is to be with their mother.

[rosephase]

Well, just to add. My mother got 13 dollars a month from my father in child payments.

 

Women don't always come out on top.

 

No, not at all. But the more money a man makes in the relationship the more money that he is expected to pay for his children and his ex-wife. Child support is one thing, but alimony? It is really really rare for a man to get alimony, and normal for women in high earning households.

[Cognitive_Canine]

No, not at all. But the more money a man makes in the relationship the more money that he is expected to pay for his children and his ex-wife. Child support is one thing, but alimony? It is really really rare for a man to get alimony, and normal for women in high earning households.

 

Because it is very difficult for a women who has been unemployed, raising kids for 20 years to get back into the workforce. It's pretty darn hard for anybody to get into the work force. Let alone a 40 something woman with little work experience because they were raising kids.

[Scorpion Fury]

Because it is very difficult for a women who has been unemployed, raising kids for 20 years to get back into the workforce. It's pretty darn hard for anybody to get into the work force. Let alone a 40 something woman with little work experience because they were raising kids.

 

This is true. while there's nothing wrong with being a home maker, it doesn't help on a resume when you're trying to make ends meet after your husband abandons you

[blue69]

If I was entering a marriage with some pretty strong financial assets a prenup is understandable. It is actually there to protect both parties.

 

Fortunately for me... we got married when I was poor. A prenup wouldn't have protected anything. LOL

[Cognitive_Canine]

This is true. while there's nothing wrong with being a home maker, it doesn't help on a resume when you're trying to make ends meet after your husband abandons you

 

Especially when it is just plain easier to higher a kid who just jumped out of college with fresh and up-to-date computer skills.

 

Although the tradition is fading fast, men are typically the bread winners in most households and women are the ones to stay at home if anyone stays at home. It is extremely difficult to enter the work force and...the woman can easily get screwed over.

 

I've seen it happen so many times within my family.

[lady00]

This is true. while there's nothing wrong with being a home maker, it doesn't help on a resume when you're trying to make ends meet after your husband abandons you

 

So true. I think the reason people get up in arms is because some people get the same protection who don't really need it. But I guess these types of rules will always be overinclusive. You can't really weed out the people who do not need the help. I guess that is what prenups are for...but they also will affect people who genuinely would need the help. But I think many prenups factor that in...the other spouse often will receive something, just not as much as they would have without the prenup.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think if I were to have a prenup (most likely) it'd have a clause about cheating. If a divorce is caused by one partner leaving for another person, they aren't getting anything.

[laisla]

in my religion women can (and usually do) ask for a wedding gift to be paid during marriage or once there is a divorce. the couple can also set whatever terms they want in the marriage contract. that's pretty much like a prenup. so i see nothing wrong with it.

 

my sister asked for a house

[sharsachan]

i have often heard "the person you marry is not the same person you divorce"

 

however, i think i would also be depressed if my husband had asked for a prenup beforehand. it would make me feel like he didn't believe in our love.

 

i'm torn. it's practical i suppose but i would question the foundation...

[Anonymous122]

One of my friends got married last year and I remember him talking about a prenuptual agreement. He's almost 30, he has a masters degree in chemical engineering and is extremely successful, already owns his own home, and has a $100,000 car that he is still making payments on.

 

On the flip side, he married a woman who has no education beyond high school and supports herself in a $25,000/yr job.

 

I'm pretty sure the dynamics of their prenuptual were intense. Something to the tune of neither of them being entitled to any cash or assets. Set up in such a way that if a divorce occurs, they can both still live in the same house and use the same ammenities that they had, but if either of them moves out they immediately lose all entitlement. I think that's fair. If a divorce occurred, they would be allowed to stay until they became independent again.

[JeckyllNHyde]

A friend of mine just got married. And his wife was really upset that he asked for a prenup. I thought that was a pretty normal thing in this day and age when men get really unfairly screwed in divorce. But maybe I’m wrong. What do you think? Would you go for one, or ask for one?

 

I agree that alot of times men get screwed due to non existence of a prenup. Women too.

I want one. Not b/c I plan for a divorce, but hey, life's pretty unpredictable sometimes. Imagine your other haf cheats, you divorce and they ALSO walk away with half? Not that I'd marry someone who'd potentially cheat.. just sayin'.

I would ask for one, but I can imagine that talk being really akward. Like all of a sudden it's all about the money and busines, which really isn't the case. I'l cross that brigde when I come to it and am hoping it won';t cause a BIG issue.

I'd try my best to explain my point of view.

 

Don't know if I'd back down if my SO was not agreeing to one. Can you imagine breaing up over a prenup? Frustrating..

[Day_Walker]

A pre-nuptial agreement is important because issues such as child support, alimony, child custody and division of assets can be settled and there can be distribution between these items that the parties agree to. Pre-nuptial agreements are not just about protecting assets it is about preparing for the worst case scenario. A pre-nuptial agreement can also be a means of keeping the costs of a divorce down so that they dont end up costing the parties so much. Pre-nuptial agreements are a smart thing to do, but they have negative connotations associated with them because people have preconceived notions about them.

[thejigsup]

I wouldn't get married without one.