ewokbiscuit Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Haven't been on here in months, but in that time I've met an incredible woman who I've fallen totally in love with. Well, to make a long story short - I found out she was married. She had always told me she had a "boyfriend", but that he was in another state, and they were taking a "break" (how, long - I do not know). Well, turns out Mr. Boyfriend is really Mr.Hubby. So here I am longing to be with her SOOOOO bad. What makes it so hard is we saw each other quite a bit at first for the first few months, and now it has really dropped off. Probably due to the fact that I lost the initial novelty and excitement that she was craving that I fulfilled at first. What really sux is that she is perfect in every way...everything I've looked for in a woman: beautiful, smart, sassy. But the reality is she is MARRIED. I don't care if she says they are on a break or hiatus, statistically speaking - SHE WILL NEVER LEAVE HIM. (Unless he's abusive, which he is not.) I try getting some sort of idea of where she is at with him, but she won't ever REALLY discuss meat and potatoes with me. I know I'm going to get slammed for this, but I want to stick around. I actually love this woman. But I realize I am not anything special - how could I be if she could so easily cheat on her husband with me. And I know a red flag should be going up in my head saying, "What if she does this to YOU??" So my choices are to: A) Leave, forget about her immediately (HARDEST CHOICE). B) Be cool, and remain her "friend" (with benefits when and if SHE so chooses) even though I know this would make me insanely jealous knowing that she goes home to someone else everyday. or C) Kill the husband and bury him in the desert. (I'm obviously kidding!!) Anyway, I'm head over heels for this woman and the writing is on the proverbial wall...guess I just need to be pushed into the wall by you fine folks Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Tell her that you love her too much to watch her destroy her life. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Tell her that you love her too much to watch her destroy her life. and save yourself heartache and choose choice A Link to comment
riley123 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 "What really sux is that she is perfect in every way...everything I've looked for in a woman: beautiful, smart, sassy." Not to mention a liar and cheater. I vote for "A" Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 and save yourself heartache and choose choice A I thought that was implied. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I thought that was implied. i leave no stone unturned Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 "What really sux is that she is perfect in every way...everything I've looked for in a woman: beautiful, smart, sassy." Not to mention a liar and cheater. I vote for "A" Really- your perfect women is a cheater and a liar? This is why people date- you spend time with someone and find out more and more about them, including insights into their character. You discovered that this "perfect" woman has been lying to you and cheating on her husband. Do you still think she is so perfect for you? Link to comment
ewokbiscuit Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 I think she was at a point in her life where she was (maybe still is) selfish to her own needs. I mean, how can she still say she loves this man, after romping around with me for an extended period of time? It's been very hard, but I've just begun to come to terms with the fact that I may have been just another "filler" to hold her over until she reconciled with the real deal. That alone should give me the power to walk away. So without sounding too delusional, I know my answer - but I don't know if I can follow through 100%. I do like the idea however, of telling her "I love you too much to watch you destroy your life", but if she was truly happy, why would she have been messing with me in the first place? It sort of validates itself, from my perspective, to continue pursuing her (sick, I know) Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 What she is doing to her husband now...she can easily do to you. She is lying, cheating, and telling herself that it's all justified. Stay far away... Link to comment
yeawutever Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 What really sux is that she is perfect in every way...everything I've looked for in a woman: beautiful, smart, sassy. Actually she's everything you don't wanna look for in a woman, a liar, cheater, deceiver. I hope you make choice A and drop her like a hot potato. If she does this to her husband then she can do it on you too if you were to be with her. Link to comment
TO_L8 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Go ahead and see her. But for sex only. Why not? If she isn't doing the shagging with you, she is going to be doing it with someone else. Look, your going to have to compartmentalize this. Keep it loose, which means put her in the file labeled "BOOTY CALL". Find other women who are single to get serious with, and date them, but keep this one filed in the "B" file. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 (A) Dump her before she dumps you, and she enventually will, until her next "toyboy" comes along, or her husband catches wind of this. I guarantee that if and when he finds out, she'll deny even knowing you. Why not end this, and save yourself the heartache? Link to comment
riley123 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Go ahead and see her. But for sex only. Why not? If she isn't doing the shagging with you, she is going to be doing it with someone else. Look, your going to have to compartmentalize this. Keep it loose, which means put her in the file labeled "BOOTY CALL". Find other women who are single to get serious with, and date them, but keep this one filed in the "B" file. Why do this? Just for sex? Please. There are plenty of available women out there. Link to comment
TO_L8 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Why do this? Just for sex? Please. There are plenty of available women out there. Getting sexually involved with a married woman has it's "Comfort Zone". There are emotional boundries she is forbidden to cross. You can enjoy all the benifits and leave the rest to someone else. It's the "have your cake and eat it to" philosophy. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Go ahead and see her. But for sex only. Why not? If she isn't doing the shagging with you, she is going to be doing it with someone else. Look, your going to have to compartmentalize this. Keep it loose, which means put her in the file labeled "BOOTY CALL". Find other women who are single to get serious with, and date them, but keep this one filed in the "B" file. i am changing my vote Link to comment
ewokbiscuit Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 I don't know if I could just do the booty call thing. I'm unfortunately not built like that (wish I was, I wouldn't be on this board lol). I've tried, believe me, but I can't seem to compartmentalize it. We are very compatible both physically and in personality too, so I have let my guard down and become emotionally attached. She's even hinted at just keeping it at a sexual level TO L8, but what happens is I usually want more, want to see her more (have more sex), so I find myself CHASING AND PURSUING like a FOOL and then I find myself not being able to just be cool about it when I am not able to see her like I want. I dunno what's wrong with me. LOGIC is SCREAMING I should turn around and run. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Go ahead and see her. But for sex only. Why not? If she isn't doing the shagging with you, she is going to be doing it with someone else. Look, your going to have to compartmentalize this. Keep it loose, which means put her in the file labeled "BOOTY CALL". Find other women who are single to get serious with, and date them, but keep this one filed in the "B" file. Logistically, that would be what you'd do. Morally, it could destroy a person and damage future relationships. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Getting sexually involved with a married woman has it's "Comfort Zone". There are emotional boundries she is forbidden to cross. You can enjoy all the benifits and leave the rest to someone else. It's the "have your cake and eat it to" philosophy. then she could get jealous of you dating and then all hell breaks loose Link to comment
blue69 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 You love who she "appears" to be, probably not who she really is. People who have no interest in long term relationships can shape their personality to only show you those things they choose. This keeps you interested as long as they want you interested. If you stay with her, you will start to see her true personality revealed. Honestly, too much negativity to allow into your life. Link to comment
TO_L8 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I don't know if I could just do the booty call thing. I'm unfortunately not built like that (wish I was, I wouldn't be on this board lol). I've tried, believe me, but I can't seem to compartmentalize it. We are very compatible both physically and in personality too, so I have let my guard down and become emotionally attached. She's even hinted at just keeping it at a sexual level TO L8, but what happens is I usually want more, want to see her more (have more sex), so I find myself CHASING AND PURSUING like a FOOL and then I find myself not being able to just be cool about it when I am not able to see her like I want. I dunno what's wrong with me. LOGIC is SCREAMING I should turn around and run. You have just answered your original post. Nuf said Link to comment
LostInFlorida Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 What you have to understand is that there are 2 distinct types of "married women that cheat" Type A - Has made the decision to leave the marriage, but finances, kids, or other factors are delaying or preventing her departure. In many instances, the marriage is nothing more than a roomate type situation, and she has lost all interest in the husband and the marriage. Eventually, she will most likely leave if you can stay around that long. Type B - She isnt going anywhere. She is content with her marriage, and truly lives a "husband and wife" life in front of everybody, but for a variety of reasons (insert psychosis here) she needs something outside the marriage as well. Thats where you come in. You will always take second place to the marriage, be expected to be "on call" when she can sneak away, and when she becomes bored with you she will pick someone else. She will be intimate with you, and then go home and kiss her husband on the mouth like everything is ok. Or, she will be intimate with her husband, and then come over and kiss YOU on the mouth like everything is ok. Bottom line, it's a boat to nowhere. Sorry to say, but it sounds to me like your girl is Type B. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 She's following an arc that lots of experienced cheaters follow... They ease their way into your life being less than honest about their circumstances but get you hooked on the emotion, attention, and sex. Then once you are hooked, they start ramping back the emotional support and attention, and eventually you will find yourself meeting only for sex. That type of cheater is looking for sexual variety and wants a little spice added to the boredom of a normal domestic routine. They may be perfectly happy with spouse and family, but like little 'snacks' on the side. So you are her snack now, and she probably has no intention of it being more, and never did. Experienced philanderers know they won't get many takers if they announce up front they are married, love their spouse, have no intention of leaving etc. They want all the attention, love, and sex that you provide, but they don't want to pay for it. So they get you hooked, then ramp it back to getting what they originally wanted, which is sexual variety and you eager and willing to be available the next time they're in the mood. There's really not much in this for you. Don't accept just crumbs. It really doesn't matter how great you think she is, if all the rules are set up in her favor, and you're alone most of the time. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Or, she will be intimate with her husband, and then come over and kiss YOU on the mouth like everything is ok. Bottom line, it's a boat to nowhere. i knew that woman all to well Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 run as fast as you can..... she made a choice and whether it's right or wrong it doesn't matter she has made a decision and if you love her you have to respect that and let her go. It might make you feel better to tell her that. Good luck Link to comment
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