buba Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 It's been a while since I posted here. Was pretty happy for the past six months.....Doesn't sound like long, but we were together every day....had great chemistry, travelled different places, never had a fight....I loved being with him... Yesterday he tolded me that we were getting too serious and he is actually talking to some girl he met at his church....She is Egyptian....so is he. I am not, as u can tell by my picture. He said that he wants to end our relationship so he can explore what's out there. He cried and said that he will always be there for me....as a friend...He is from a religious family and will only marry someone of his culture...he said that we have no future together....he held me for an hour and cried....he said that he is hurting and life is unfair. I cried too and told him that I will always be there for him as a friend...Then he left. It hit me later.....like a sword in my guts.... How can I try and be his friend? Is it the right thing to do? It hurts so much....I didn't sleep all night and started smoking again.... I am a mess....Please, help me understand...I miss him so much... Link to comment
julioiglesia Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Buba, welcome back to ENA. It does hit you later. When you first hear it, you are numb and then bam it hits you like a ton of bricks. I think most young people do want to explore before really settling down. So i think he does have a valid excuse but it does hurt. You did nothing wrong here, there is no need to self hate. There is no shortcut to healing becaues if you don't go through it once and for all right now, it will haunt you later. So please cry cry cry and listen to love songs and cry some more, until you feel it is enough. You are the judge and you get to decide how long a mourning should last. But one thing is a must. Right now is the time for YOU. Don't think about how he is doing. THink about how I am doing. and You are a very good looking woman are you a model? well anyways it seems you have a lot of things to offer in this world so learn to gain that self esteeem and self respect that we all know about. Don't do anything that will harm your health. As long as you are healthy you will overcome this pain. Good luck and be strong Link to comment
julioiglesia Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 and i forgot to say. Change that sad picture when you get a chance and SMILE...... you decide how this world is going to look like. If you want to feel happy, think happy. but take it slowly. I am not expecting you to recover tomorrow. My last gf broke up with me 6 months ago and I am going NC throughout and I am still hurting but that hurting gets less n less. as much as you are hurting now, you will learn and gain so much knowledge. Look at the silverlining, it is time to learn about yourself and setting priorities right and next time what kind of men you are going to fall for but first you need to build yourself first. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 He was wrong for being with you in the first place if he knew he wouldn't marry a woman outside his religion/culture. He brought you into something knowing it would end up with broken hearts. There's no reason you need to be there for him. You need to help yourself get over this. You're a beautiful woman & you deserve someone who wants to be with you 100%. Link to comment
julioiglesia Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I think there is no reason to think about the past. Yea he shoudlnt' have done this but today is your special day and think about your future. Everyday is christmass and we are all blessed with gifts but we are just don't know how to interpret those hidden messages. medicines are bitter for a reason. Link to comment
julioiglesia Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I forgot to answer your other question. Should you be his friend? well imagine this. he found another girl and you are the third wheel, the left over, concubine..etc he'll come back to you time and time again but he still with the other girl. How does that make you feel? You must have self respect that you deserve someone who is exclusive with you and since he is with someone else, he should be out of the picture. From reading ENA everyday, I learned that it is near impossible to have platonic friendship with your ex unless with your gorgous face you want to be come a nun (don't do this please, that would be a waste of your beaty lol) Most people decide to be friends with your ex to test the waters and wait for him to change his mind. you are setting yourself for more pain in the end because the majority of the cases the ex continue with his life without you and your high expectation will come falling like the stock market and then you are not only hurt more but you just wasted more precious time that would have been used to heal more or doing something for your future or finding someone new. I am not undermining your feelings towards him like a child play at all. I know how much you love him and all. But you have to learn how to love yourself first (by giving time to heal, discovering yourself, soul searching that you neglected yourself when you were couple) then you will be able to have a healthy life and healthy love life. Link to comment
kiwi24 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Hey the situation really bites and I feel you. I am in the same situation but the only difference is that I am the SAME religion and the SAME culture as the guy. Only difference is that our families are from different areas of the country. Its not a big difference but again the guy knew what his family would and would not expect but he led me on for 2 years. So **hugs** it's really tough to get ober stuff like this. But you have to stay strong for yourself. NC is the best thing. Link to comment
buba Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 i really appreciate all of your advice....and it helps tremendously.... you're right, being his friend now will probably mean more pain cause he is now with someone else... i feel this void....we were so close. he became not only my lover, but my friend. so painful. i need to start a day, all i wanna do is cry, cry, cry.... i miss him so much.... Link to comment
Sara71 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Darling I'm so with you . I was dumped on the 26th and it's been hell but I'm getting there. We are fabulous. We are not the girl that hangs around pathetically waiting to see if he can spare any affection. We are not the girl that he uses to feel better about breaking up with us! Religious differences can be worked out if he really wanted to, it's just an excuse. He wants you to think it's 'out of his hands' and that he is a victim too. Hmmm. I might be entering the 'pissed off and angry' stage. BTW you are gorgeous. I'd totally fall for you if I was a man, or gay. Link to comment
Hurting5050 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 My heart goes out to you, I'm in the same situation. I wanted to try and be friends with my ex, but the more time that goes by the more I realize that its not healthy for me. First, if he is still in my life, even as a friend, there will always be this little piece of hope inside that if it doesn't work out with this new girl, he might come back to me. And second, like julio said, you will always be the third wheel -- his new love will always come first before you now -- and that is a crushing feeling. I'm pretty much a basket case right now, but I have been praying lately -- something I haven't done in a very long time. And last night, for the first time, I prayed for strength to get through this instead of asking for God to bring him back to me. Baby steps I guess -- but steps forward, not back. I know it may not seem like it right now, but you are stronger than you think buba. Link to comment
buba Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 he called today and said that he wants to see me tonight.....as a friend... I don't know what to do... He really pushes me to stay friends with him, says that he cares... what should I do? Will I be able to just be friends after being lovers? Link to comment
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