Think my ex is engaged

[testcase]

Well don't really know what to say. I am in a bit of shock but I think my ex is engaged. Don't really think I should know this found it on a social networking site, somewhere I should not have been looking but wow. I don't check it often and have not for a few months but today for whatever reason I just had the urge... I guess this is why there are so many threads about not checking their sites.

 

I guess I just don't know how to feel about it. It all seems so fast and like a bad idea. I don't really know though if that is how I would feel from an outside perspective or if that's how I feel because deep down I was always hoping for one more chance. I mean I always wanted her to be happy... I guess in a selfish way I thought I could be the one to be with her and make her happy.

 

I don't really know much about the guy. I haven't talked to her much in the last 8 months. For all I know he could be a great match for her. Still I guess it just seems crazy to me. Maybe I should take this as the final sign to leave her be and let her be happy. I have to accept that she is not a part of my life anymore, whether or not I wanted it to be that way.

 

As hard as it is for me to understand I guess this is the true meaning of if you love them let them go. I've been holding onto a false hope for too long which has been holding me back. I also don't have any right to say how she should live her life... so I won't bring anything about it up. I will let it be and hopefully she can be happy.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I'm sorry, that is hard.

 

But yes, you are right that this is your sign to accept that she is not part of your life anymore.

 

Knowing this may not be happy, but it is actually good for you in that now you can shut that door and quit putting your life on hold. You need to shift the focus off her and back onto yourself. Don't keep thinking about whether SHE is happy, but whether YOU are happy. Go out and do things that bring you that potential to be happy, and to bring new people into your realm so that you can date and find someone of your very own who does want to be with you.

[savignon]

You have the right attitude. If you see her, congratulate her and take it as what you needed to get moving on with your own dating/relationships.

Best wishes.

[testcase]

Yea it's tough. I actually felt pretty good and thought I was moving forward. Things like this though will really put you to the test. It just goes to show me that I really was holding onto hopes because I wouldn't feel this way if I wasn't.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Well, it's also the other shoe dropping... you've been waiting for it, whether you knew it consciously or not, so now that it's happened, you can heave a big sigh, then move onto thinking about yourself rather than waiting around to see what she'd do.

[NewPhillyGuy]

I hear you, man. When I found out my ex fiancee was engaged to someone else years ago, my heart dropped to the floor. The blow was not too bad on me, because she made our relationship a disaster. She's still with the same guy, not yet married, and she's making his life a living hell too. She made a few passes at me over the past few weeks and she's with him! I will tell you - it does make it easier when you see the person is still acting like crap. Makes you glad they are gone!

[Joel Barish]

So many of us keep holding out hope for the old ex...we really shouldn't wait till we hear they are engaged to move on. If you're broken up, you're broken up. We should expect it to happen sometime.

 

Plus you never know what will happen with their relationship. Not that you should hold out hope for a divorce/breakup...but just to put things in perspective. Their relationship will not be perfect. Their new mate will have annoying things about them, and lack good qualities you had, and vice versa. People aren't perfect either...don't really know my point other than don't sit there thinking her life is perfect now. We still all have our own problems, no matter how things may seem.

 

I have no idea how far I'll have come by the time I have to hear the "bad news"....but really the sooner it happens the better. The sooner you'll know you can't have them anymore. The sooner you stop hanging on to that false hope.

[testcase]

Thx NewPhillyGuy yea I wish that was the case. Honestly though it was never a bad relationship. Just kind of fizzled out over the years. I've often wished it was bad all over because it would have helped me move on a heck of a lot faster. After everything ended I looked back trying to find negatives to make my healing process faster. Of course I found a few but overall I'd still say she was a great girl.

[testcase]

Hey Joel thanks man. Yea I know I have been working pretty hard on moving on. I feel over the past about year I've come along way. I haven't been in other relationships but really that's been more because of my own choice. I know her life is not perfect now. I'm sure she has her problems. Eh again the whole thing just seems crazy to me but I shouldn't even be concerning myself with it anymore.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Thx NewPhillyGuy yea I wish that was the case. Honestly though it was never a bad relationship. Just kind of fizzled out over the years. I've often wished it was bad all over because it would have helped me move on a heck of a lot faster. After everything ended I looked back trying to find negatives to make my healing process faster. Of course I found a few but overall I'd still say she was a great girl.

 

I hear you, testcase. I'm sure that does make it more difficult. Maybe you'll find some relief if you think that things happen for a reason. With the right girl, things will not just fizzle out.

 

Are you dating now? I mean, who knows...maybe YOU will be engaged 2 years from now and your ex will not be. Try to focus more on yourself and less on her life.

 

I know what you mean by focusing on her negatives. I used to do that, but what's much more productive is focusing on things you could have done better. This can be tough too, because you might fall into the trap (which I did...) of well, if I only would have done this, that, this better, that better, we still might be together. Approach it as self-improvement, not putting yourself down over things in the past.

[lifelessons]

If you thought you were the one to make her happy, why did you wait to say something to her? Why didn't you go back to her a long time ago to see if things could work out? You said you think she's engaged. Do you know she's engaged? Ask and be sure before assuming. It's ok to tell her how you feel just to get it out and if you need to release it to let it go and move on. But ask her first before assuming. That way you don't have any regrets later.

[testcase]

Haha hey lifelessons. I didn't really wait to say anything. I mean we haven't even been broken up a year. Last time I talked to her was about 4 months ago and I laid everything I had on the line. I am pretty sure she knows how I feel, but that doesn't matter. I don't really have any regrets I've seen things I could improve about myself and have been working on them. I've come along way in the past year and still have some ways to go. I think the main thing is it is not up to me to ask her anything. She is living her life and I am only a part of her past. I have to start living mine.

[TBE_1989]

I know this is awful for you, but hopefully it'll give you closure and the final push you need to move on.