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New here, and feelin down


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Hi everyone, i stumbled upon this site and figured id give it a shot.


Im feelin down because i feel like im in a very deep hole, and someones starting to shovel the dirt in. i guess i should give you a rundown on everything thats brought me to this point, ill try to keep it short.


awhile back i wasnt really anybody, didnt have much of a social life, mainly because i had just moved to where i am. there was one kid next door, (ill call him Derek) and we became good friends, since we were both home schooled. Well as we got older we discovered girls, but we had no social outlet to meet them, until i finally met one. ( i will dub her " K " )


K and I hit it off, hanging out almost everyday, laughing, havin fun an all that.

It was no secret that i liked her alot, except to her, because i was too scared to say anything. Im not the best lookin guy out there, and thats saying something compared to how i looked when i met K.


So i kept my feelings too myself for awhile, until it finally came up. she was all flattered and what not, but didnt feel the same way. its at this point i should have just cut and run, but of course i didnt.


About a month later i find out that K and Derek are dating, shes at his house everyday, they date for 6 months rubbin it my face, and why not? derek had never known a girl before and this was his chance to make up for it.


the following will be a brief recount of everything that happened 3 years ago to now.


Derek and I met 3 other guys named Devin, Donnie and luke. so we had a little " core " group thing goin on.. everyone seemed tight. K wants to start talking about dating, but derek has plans of his own, he wants devins gf, so he gets them to break up, then talks bad about me to K and introduces her to devin. i do or say nothing because i had no backbone at the time. i host a party later, luke is drunk and desperate so he hounds K for about an Hour to screw him, and they do screw in my parents bedroom. after all this i stop talking to her for 8 months, still keep the guys around ( dont know why) she get back in contact says she wants to try and start over because " it should have been you in the first place, your the only one that treats me right blah blah blah" all this happens about 3 times with K and i not talking for months.


so this year in feb, we try for the last time.. everythings good, none of the guys get in the way, or so i thought. march rolls around and she pregnant, and its not mine.


fast forward to now, i have only one real friend now ( female, and yes.. i like her](*,) ) but i know it wont work out the way id like it to, and besides this summer shes leaving to the otherside of the country. i have no job because i was too much of a " kid " and quit the 3 jobs i had when summer rolled around. Derek and all them still hang around outside, though i dont know if K kept the babie or what. everytime i leave my house when they hang out i get harsh things yelled at me ( because i finally stood up to all them and said " f*** all of you, I dont deserve your b******* ), and ontop of that i wish i could look better. so im feeling extremely trapped, and hopeless


I know this was long ( sorry for that) and i definitely left out alot of details, that would explain my sense of paranoia and distrust of people. but im hoping i can come here to you all and maybe get a sense of direction, or figure out how to start climbing out of this emotional and financial hole.


Happy Newyears to you all

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Welcome to ENA,


You seem like you are growing up and muturing while your so called friends are not. I think you should look at this as a good learning example. Often times when children are home schooled they are only schooled on books and tests. Being in a public school teaches young people how to interact with others and find their own voice by dealing with peer presures and temptations. You did not have these things to expierence and have just started to learn and become who you will be.

I will say you seemed to have handled yourself well through the drama you described. be proud of the choices you made and learn form the mistakes also. This is how life works.

Ignore the losers you once called friends and set out to take control back of your young life. We all have insecurity issues, even the most attractive (sometimes more so) but we need to learn that we are much more than our outward appearance. It is time for you to start figuring out what you want for your life. Move in that direction and the other parts will show themselves.


keep posting and learning about yourself



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