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My ex-fiance is coming to visit me tomorrow..


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And he's staying for the new year.. until Sunday. I haven't seen him in almost four years. We have been off and on for twelve. We know each others good and bad. We've both grown from immature kids to adults who are different, but still love each other and will never let it go.


Every time he's wanted to come back to me, I was talking to someone else or vise verse. The last time he was serious about wanting to marry me, but I was in a good relationship with a woman who I cared a lot about and even though I missed him and always wanted to be back with him, I wasn't willing to break off a good thing just to go back with him and our on again off again ten year battle.


He ended up getting married to another woman and I just let him go and I always knew there was something there and realized that if it was supposed to happen it will. He got a divorce and came back into my life in September. He doesn't live in town so we still haven't seen each other. We agreed not to rush things and said that if neither of us has a date, we would spend NYE together. Here it is.. a couple more days and he is coming.


Problem: I didn't realize that he was going to sell drugs to get a ticket to come down here. I had made back up plans to hang with the girls and he reminded me of us spending time together. I have been so excited and nervous about it, but today to find out that he did that and then he asked me if I had a contact for other drugs. I'm like, What The Heck??!!?? I told him I don't get involved in that and I don't approve of that type of thing, but that I loved him very much and I'm trying to accept him. I know it's not a serious drug (weed), but it's enough for me to know that I don't like it.


So now he's coming.. i'm concerned at how it's going to be with him here getting high everyday. I was honestly hoping he would finally quit.. he loves me enough right? Is what i've been thinking.. but I know that addiction is bigger than love. He could have been the father of my child.. we both want to have a family and I'm ovulating the rest of this week.. it would have been perfect timing for us to work on being a real couple and finally have a child together. But now I'm super concerned.. worried.. trying not to over think it, but I'm disappointed.



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Hello. Hmm, there are only a few things that stand out.


You have known each other for 12 years, you didn't want to lave a good relationship for him, at one point you didn't want to rush things and now you where thinking about rushing them to the point of having a kid.


It's bad news and you probably know it, some relationships are really not meant to happen but we want to make them work above everything so we end up dragging them for years and years hoping "next time" things will somehow be different.


Perhaps there's no such thing as "meant to be together", perhaps it's all about how much you are willing to risk and how much you are willing to ignore.


You already know he does and SELLS drugs, deep down maybe you know how your next go at things is going to end and perhaps you're even planning ahead at how things are going to be when he quits, I can tell you a million reasons why getting involved is not worth it but I'm aware that it's never easy to admit that what you have dreamt of is just not going to happen, no matter how great life could be with another person.


I guess my only advice to you is that you have to make sure how many years are too many and how many attempts or excuses are enough, certain relationships can drain you so much that you can miss important things inside you.


Best of luck.

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Thank you cup. He's here now. Things are going pretty good. I mean I am in a different place in my life where I can focus on me and love myself and love another person without judging them. I am actually pretty happy about where I am in life. I really am planning on getting a good talk in with him tonight. Thank you.

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I have to vent about this.. I am so glad that he left.. I really need my space. I really did enjoy his company, but I can't help but be bothered by how much and how often he smokes cigarettes and weed. I quit so long ago, so for me to see him after all this time, be in such close quarters, and sleep with him, it really made me sick. He keeps saying he wants someone to accept him for him. I'm not asking him to quit smoking even though I would love it if he would, but the only thing I asked is if he will take better care of himself and keep himself sanitized and clean. He stinks. Point blank!


It bothered him that I wanted him to wash his hands after he came in from smoking, because he felt that he was doing so much extra by even going outside to smoke. He's already a big dude with body odor problems and I have accepted him all these years for that, but then to smoke unfiltered cigarette's and blunts all day and just expect to climb in the bed without a shower and brushing his teeth, and wanting to kiss and touch.. I was just totally turned off. I did have sex with him a few times one of the days he was here, but it turned him off that I wouldn't kiss him. I told him I am accepting him and I'm not turning my back on him, but for him to come in my house that is really clean and sterile and me being a clean person who takes pride in caring for myself, I can't be in the same room close quarters with him reeking of smoke, weed, and body odor. Especially even thinking of kissing him. Lips, fine. Tongue, hell no.


I feel terrible, because I do love him. I want to accept him, but physically I am unable to. I have a horrible gag reflex that has developed over the years and my lungs aren't the strongest because of a surgery I had a while back that caused a small part of my lung to collapse. We both realize now that we cannot be together. If a baby comes because of our love making, then that's something we are going to have to deal with.. I'm not perfect, but I do feel I am compromising a lot by trying to work things out with him. I'm a strong woman and I know I can be by myself, but I was hoping for a miracle. I can only keep praying, but until then I can't be around a chain smoker who doesn't care about himself enough to keep himself clean.

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My god! he sounds very selfish!, he seems to think that acceptance means getting everything and never giving back.


Some things can't be forced, you probably do love him but a relationship does need more than that.


It's up to you to decide if you want to start moving forward or if you want to give him another chance one day. Nobody can change that much, what you want may never happen and to be honest I don't think he deserves all the hope you put in him.


There is something better out there.

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My god! he sounds very selfish!,


and to be honest I don't think he deserves all the hope you put in him.



- I do realize that.. it still hurts and i'm sad and i miss him. a friend of mine chewed me out. i needed to hear it, but it's always hard to hear things about yourself that hurt.

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