Ideas on why our former partners fall out of love

[chipchuck02]

Since my break up i have been doing a lot of reading on relationships esp what women seek in a man for a relationship, but for the most part it is imposable for a man to be confident 100% of the time. Relationship books all say this, and during my before my break up i was going trough a spell of being lost ( had a bad job experience) ie not confident and guess what my partner left she did not know why her feelings changed. And after the break up confidence shot down even lower, being desperate and what not, prob killing my chances more. But realistically how does the feeling of love change so drastically in such a short period of time? Like going from never leave me i'm so so in love with you to, i want to be friends...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am not so sure the feelings of love just suddenly die...I think it is probably an evolving process. So by the time they tell you the feelings died the process could have been taking months. Nobody is confident 100% of the time..no woman, no man. Everyone has insecurities and even the most confident person will feel uncertain and insecure at times.

[My Advice]

Crazy is correct. Most feelings either die because of an evolving process, or the partner wasn't committed that much in the first place. In fact some people can't love past the infatuation stage unless there's conflict. So it depends on the case.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Crazy is correct. Most feelings either die because of an evolving process, or the partner wasn't committed that much in the first place. In fact some people can't love past the infatuation stage unless there's conflict. So it depends on the case.

 

 

Yes, in many cases love dies because there was lack of commitment...the person was only it for the good times, not the bad times.

[createhappiness]

Yes, in many cases love dies because there was lack of commitment...the person was only it for the good times, not the bad times.

 

CAD - what is your thoughts on people who say they are scared of commitment? what is driving this fear? is it scared of commitment to a particular person or is it more general than that?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

CAD - what is your thoughts on people who say they are scared of commitment? what is driving this fear? is it scared of commitment to a particular person or is it more general than that?

 

"Scared of commitment" can be different things depending on the person and the circumstances. Some people are scared of commitment in the sense that they can't bring themselves to get married, some people who are scared of commitment will get married but will be distant...no emotional intimacy, some people will drag on for years with someone never committing to them and when that relationship ends the next person they are with they marry...that could be because the next person is the one they truly fell in love with or it could be a timing issue in that now they are ready so let's go find someone. What is driving the commitment "fear" could be because they are not in love, want to play the field and keep their options open, just want companionship and sex without strings attached, afraid of getting too close to someone etc.

[julioiglesia]

young people just want to live life and try something new.

[julioiglesia]

young people don't even know what true love is.

People nowadays use that word so freely.

yea if it was true love, the world would be over but the partner will be by yourside.

 

Why say i love you if you don't really mean it. if you are after her because her looks and that is it then say i like you but never love you.

 

people do give up so easily nowadays and break up so easily. no real commitment. I don't ever want to get married now because i would hate to carry the burden of a divorce. I love gambling but not when it comes to my personal life.

[jchan]

Now that we live in a world that endorses fast change, fast everything, we are very susceptible to the notion that if something doesn't work we immediately drop it and replace it.

 

It's very sad that this is starting to become a growing trend with relationships these days.

 

Really makes us wonder how many marriages and relationships work out these days

[Pandaman211]

A lot of times, people get really insecure, needy, clingy, controlling, jealous, and those over time, will cause the partner to start being turned off by the others actions, and then the picture of who they thought you were starts fading away, leading to loss of interest, commitment, and eventually, love (romantically).

 

Other times, I think what doesn't happen all that much but more than we think is that people that are told that their bf/gf fell out of love don't realize, aren't honest with themselves, or won't even entertain the idea that they possibly were a rebound to their now ex bf/gf. Rebounds really can last any amount of time, with most falling under the category of few months, and maybe that generalization contributes to the lack of realization that this is in fact a very real possibility.

 

The reasons are endless, and could really be anything. I also want to add that I think a lot of people just become confused with their life or going through certain hardships that affect their whole outlook on life temporarily, and mistake that with falling out of love (especially when they don't feel like they did in the honeymoon stage)

[centrino345]

A lot of times, people get really insecure, needy, clingy, controlling, jealous, and those over time, will cause the partner to start being turned off by the others actions, and then the picture of who they thought you were starts fading away, leading to loss of interest, commitment, and eventually, love (romantically).

 

i think this may have happened to me. But, i think it all stems from insecurity... the needy, clingy, controlling, jealousy is all because of insecurity. That's why girls like confident guys i suppose, because they don't project a insecure aura around themselves. It's funny that i see that now, but it's too late. I guess I best start dealing with my insecurity issues...

[SighSob]

To me love is: incredible affection + physical attraction.

 

When one or both of them start to fade away, love fades too...

 

That's just my view, though.

[Travelin99]

My girl and I still had incredible affection and a strong physical attraction after 7 years...that's why I don't believe her when she says she "fell out of love."

 

She's been dealing with so much stress in her life (job, family, finances, etc.) and I feel like maybe she couldn't handle the relationship on top of all that.

 

I don't know if people fall out of love. I think they just get to a point where, for some reason or another, they aren't willing to make the effort to keep the relationship alive, so they take the easy way out.

 

But I also believe if two people were in love at one point and that love was true and genuine, they can be in love again somewhere down the road.

[prinzbsr]

I totally agree with you travelin99 and pandaman211. I think I became that guy that started to exhibit the needy, clingy guy. That's caused her to look at me undesireable.

 

And I completely agree that if you were in love that those feelings will always be there buried or not. I think she saw the behaviors and just said forget it eventually. She didn't want to put the effort in.

 

I can only hope that she finds those feeling once again as I work on myself and stay around so to say.

[Pandaman211]

I totally agree with you travelin99 and pandaman211. I think I became that guy that started to exhibit the needy, clingy guy. That's caused her to look at me undesireable.

 

And I completely agree that if you were in love that those feelings will always be there buried or not. I think she saw the behaviors and just said forget it eventually. She didn't want to put the effort in.

 

I can only hope that she finds those feeling once again as I work on myself and stay around so to say.

 

 

Right, and think about it from her point of view, if your bf/gf exhibited that for a period of time, wouldn't that be annoying/turn off? It would cause you to focus more upon that, rather than the foundation of your guys relationship, as well as the love aspect.