shangrila Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 ok so basically my life sucks. an outside person looking in would most likely say they would love to have my life. i live in a good house, i've got a great dog a pool in the backyard its in a nice neighborhood, i've got a beautiful girlfriend that loves me i'm not horrible looking, i've got both my parents still together and they take care of me and my brothers. so to anyone looking at my life from an outside perspective it looks like i've got the perfect life. unfortunately i dont. my parents are so petrified of the future (mostly my mom) and that me and my brothers are going to die without my parents telling us what to do that my mom pushes her fear of everything onto me. and the only reason she pushes it on to me is because i'm the good kid. she doesnt push her fears on my brothers because they actually do need her and my dad. they wont make it on their own and they are always causing problems around the house. so my mother decided that she's going to put her fears of bad things happening on me and not let me grow up. after that i get pissed off all the time because everything i do i do for someone else. i've been with my girlfriend for like 8 months now and to be honest i dont think that i really love her anymore. i'm starting to think that she isnt all that beautiful anymore, the majority of our time is spend doing sexual things and the rest of it is spent with me being either pissed off or really really depressed. and the most important thing is that i cant find a decent reason for me to live anymore. if anyone wants to help i dont want to hear that i'm being selfish, i dont want to hear that i've got alot to live for like family and friends and stuff like that. all i want to hear is a reason that i should live for me. and because i'm young and havent experienced life yet isnt a good reason. o and another thing... it has to be a reason that wont be shot down by the US government because they really dont like me Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Your logic is flawed. The reason I know is because you've worked hard to have exactly the kind of life you want. If you change your mind about the kind of life you want you will be able to achieve that for yourself the same way you've achieved what you no longer want. Link to comment
knightNshiningarmor Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 if it was me you have at least one last ditch option and thats to just up and leave it all...it sounds likes your environment thats suffocating you. the cookie cutter answer here is to first see someone a dr, psychologist, therapist what ever. maybe even get your mom in there and let her know that her behavior is killing your desire to live and if you have to youll have to cut her out of it so that you can be happy. I think telling your gf that you are in a place that is so severe you just cant see being with her at this point in your life and that you understand what ever she feels is necessary for her to do what she needs to do in accordance to that but that you need to get out and reconnect with yourself. But i guess as someone who once came very close to suicide...i feel as if the those troubles of yesterday are merely a fleeting thought in my head today. Link to comment
shangrila Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 i cant get out of my environment and i didnt work hard to get this stuff. i'm only 17. the life i have is the life my parents have worked hard for. and i've tried telling my gf that i need to get out and be away for a while but she keeps saying that she wants to help me through it and would rather have me cheat on her then loose me and i just cant find enough strength in me to hurt her by breaking up with her even though i know it is the best thing for me and whenever i think about how stupid i am for not breaking it off i keep going back to thinking that it doesnt matter anyways because i do everything else for other people why not be in a relationship for her. Link to comment
shangrila Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 no this isnt a joke. and it blows my mind how arrogant people can be when they have no idea what they are talking about because they are stuck in their own perfect little bubble and cant see anything objectively Link to comment
gypsy_girl Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 ok wow this all sounds so familiar, how ur life seems so perfect to other people but really to u its not. Its exactly how i feel and it makes it hard to talk about with friends cos they never really understand the gravity of the situation. As soon as ur old enough i suggest u move out. How far away is that? In the meantime get a job so u have enough money to support urself. Do u often fight with ur parents? can u elaborate on on ur problem with ur parents-i dont fully get what ur trying to say Do u have any dreams or ambitions for the future? These can help keep u motivated. Can I also suggest maybe doing some volunteer work? sounds random, but i know this really gave/is giving me a purpose in life because i also felt i had no purpose. i think if u really feel like u dont love ur girlfriend anymore, break up with her, but maybe a part of u cant do it because u do still love her? If u just leave it be and work on helping urself things will probably become clearer. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 What are your plans for after graduation. Few words.... There's a huge world out there. You can choose to exit this bubble and explore the world. Alone. Your girlfriend will survive. I know it isn't fun to hurt people but at this time, you need to live for yourself . . . . not for your mom and not for your girlfriend! Link to comment
heaven66 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 i cant get out of my environment and i didnt work hard to get this stuff. i'm only 17. the life i have is the life my parents have worked hard for. and i've tried telling my gf that i need to get out and be away for a while but she keeps saying that she wants to help me through it and would rather have me cheat on her then loose me and i just cant find enough strength in me to hurt her by breaking up with her even though i know it is the best thing for me and whenever i think about how stupid i am for not breaking it off i keep going back to thinking that it doesnt matter anyways because i do everything else for other people why not be in a relationship for her. As i was growing up I had everything the way you do...my mom would always have her fears and guess who inherited all that? Me!!! as i was becoming a young woman all I would think of was death,death and death....So i do understand you....I never got help for this...you need time for you, you need space...tell your gf that you need to work on you now and that you have to be selfish for a while...no one is more important than you....I know you don't want to hear this but pay attention...You came on this post to ven't and let us inside your mind and your life right? Well you need to do the same thing but with a proffesional..we can tell you many things but half of us here are as screwed up as you are and that is why we come here, trying to find that one person that will tell us what we want to hear..you won't..not here at least. Get help and you will see that it's not that bad after all..I wish I did..today I have so many issues, I can't do many things because i have fears...And it's hard to have a normal relationship...you are still young and you will understand later. Good Luck Link to comment
sarey Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 You need to find that reason for yourself. Find out in the world what will keep you alive, what will be your ultimate goal, what will keep you happy and alive, you need to find that yourself, we can give you as many reasons as we want, but it comes down to you in the end. You need to search for your reason... But death is not logical. Think of how it will affect those who love you. Link to comment
gypsy_girl Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 well most of the time its not me that is fighting with my parents. my brothers start fighting with my parents and then i get dragged into it because my mom gets pissed at me because i'm minding my own business and she just feels like yelling at me. so then i obviously take the natural choice and start fighting with her because there is no reason that she should be yelling at me when i didnt do anything wrong. i'm hoping maybe one day she'll figure that she isnt as great a parent as she thinks she is. i hope that helps you understand a little better. I can understand that. I often get my mums anger for no reason just because I'm around and then she finds some ridiculous way to connect me to what shes angry about. And I fight back too because who wants to be screamed at? I have to defend myself, i can never just shut up, but sometimes I think this would be the better option... If u have such a problem with the US why dont u move? Link to comment
amipushy Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 A couple of years will fly by and you can move out, leave it all behind, start a new life, leave your mother, your brother and all the fighting behind. Your mother is only being a (s)mother because she is afraid of someone harming you and of losing you, the very thing you are planing to do to yourself, forgive her for giving a **** about the person she loves with ALL of her heart and not wanting that to happen. Link to comment
heaven66 Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Shangrila that is why i said i inherited all from my mom...I have never let my kids get a bike because i was scared they would get hit by a car..guess what i was never able to have one as a child...no sleepovers, no field trips in school, paintball guns? are you kidding? lol I know it's hard..im trying to change things and giving my kids a break..but the fear is still there...Gosh I wish I could help..I don't know what else to tell you other than please don't attempt against your life..don't..I have had thoughts of that many times but I think about the ones I leave behind..Is there anyone you trust and feel confortable enough to tell them your problems? Maybe they can talk to your mom and something can be done....I promise it will get better...if you ever need to talk Im sure besides me being there for you other here will be also...sometimes it just helps to vent....I do wish you the best...im no proffesional but I know one day you will be on your own and things will be so much better. Link to comment
shangrila Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 heaven, i've tried talking to people about it. i told my therepist, and he says that its not his place to tell my mother how to parent. (even though we pay him to help fix my problems not just tell me i'm stupid) and i've told the one other person who cares but she's to scared to stand up to anyone so thats no help. and i still dont have a reason that i want to live. i'm waiting till my therepist can get me some meds before i kill myself but right now the plan is to either forget about all this because i'm better with meds or i'll kill myself when meds dont work Link to comment
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