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Trying to deal with the ex and his new girl


sadstuff
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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Hey guys, my bf and I broke up 4 month ago.. it was pretty mutual but there is always one that hurts more then the other and it happened to be me. A month after the break up we started seeing each other again and this went on for about a month... during this time I had the feeling that he started liking this other girl that we both work with but when I had asked him about her, he said nothing was going on.. I asked him to think about us getting back together and he said he would... then a week later I get an email from him saying that things between him and this girl has "progressed".. those were his exact words.... so since that day I started NC. Ive been sooo hurt and soo sad for the past month about him dating this new girl! We all have the same friends and it frustrates me so much because Im the one not going to activities because I dont want to have to see them... whats worse is that a few weeks ago he decided to untag himself in every picture we were in together on FB... i didnt even see that coming since we hadnt talked since I found out about them dating.. why would he go and erase me? We had such a good year together! Hes not the one hurting.. i am! hes all happy with his new girl, doing nice couply things and Im the one who is alone and hurt...

 

Ok well new years is coming and my group of friends are having a new years party that I would love to go to.. but he will be there. His new girl is away so thats a plus but Im just afraid I wont be able to handle myself... I just want to be able to dress all sexy and go there with a big smile and be all composed and act happy but Im afraid that Ill just get soo upset when I see him.. or just get really mad... Its like its a 50:50 things.. what do you guys think? I do have friends that are going that would look out for me.. Im going to have to deal with seeing them eventually since we all work together and we have all the same close group of friends.. I cant always avoid them... so should I try to just hang out with him there first before shes in the picture?

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Definitely don't let hurt feelings stop you from enjoying New Year's Eve. Call on your friends to keep you busy/talking so that you don't feel the need to go up to him. He may have "untagged" you b/c she asked him to or for some other reason. It doesn't mean you didn't have a great time together. Since you all work together, it would be great if you could keep your interactions on NYE light and friendly. Wish him a Happy New Year and when you see her at work, wish her the same. Sorry that you're hurting....it absolutely sucks. If you can leave that night knowing you took the high road, you might feel better the next day.

Best wishes for a fabulous '09!!

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Definitely don't let hurt feelings stop you from enjoying New Year's Eve. Call on your friends to keep you busy/talking so that you don't feel the need to go up to him. He may have "untagged" you b/c she asked him to or for some other reason. It doesn't mean you didn't have a great time together. Since you all work together, it would be great if you could keep your interactions on NYE light and friendly. Wish him a Happy New Year and when you see her at work, wish her the same. Sorry that you're hurting....it absolutely sucks. If you can leave that night knowing you took the high road, you might feel better the next day.Best wishes for a fabulous '09!!

 

I agree 100%. Don't let an ex deter you from enjoying the night. Get dressed up and go have fun with your friends.

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I think you should go ahead and have fun with your friends. Just make a mental note beforehand that you will keep your head held high, you'll keep your dignity, and won't let alcohol dictate your actions! Then you'll come out as the bigger person. Good luck!

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If you're still very sad over your ex, ringing in the new year with him being there might not be the best thing. I agree with everyone here who says to not let him stop you from having fun with your friends and celebrating, but you might actually end up very hurt afterward. I think if you still have feelings of regret over the loss of the relationship and you still want him back then you should wait until these feelings are mostly gone before you are around him. This probably will not help you heal at all.

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Thanks guys, you are replying so fast! I have no feelings of getting back together with him.. him seeing this new girl helped me with that, Im mostly upset about how he handled the situation... he wanted to stay friends, saying that the reason we broke up was because he thought were acting more like friends in the end which I agree with and that he just wanted to be single for a while since hes always been in a relationship... its just that him being in a relationship with this girl so soon after we stopped actually seeing each other kills.. we are all part of the same group of friends so it makes it awkward for me... it just seems so wrong on both there parts for starting a relationship so soon.. you would think they would wait for things between us to settle down or for the new year or something.. we were all friends and now I cant even imagine being in the same room with both of them there together... you would think that with us all being in the same group of friends he would be more understanding and telling me in person about them instead of sending me that ridiculous email.. and not untag himself.. she isnt the type of girl to tell him to do that either so it would have been all him... I seem to go though these mood swings.. right now I feel like I would be able to see him and still be happy with my friends.. but other times I just want to stay in my corner and cry...

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you know what? I thought Id be ok but Im not... I feel like * * * * right now... I went to the party and it was great except for him not even speaking to me or noticing me... Im just in a lot of pain right now and just need to vent a bit... I dont care about us not being together.. but its soooo f****ing weird that he doesn’t even acknowledge me! I prob shouldn’t be posting right now... sorry guys... I should have waited until I was more calm.. but I just needed to get this out of the way...

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I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. It really makes me think twice before seeing my ex with other friends too. I can imagine how much it hurts and the way your ex handled things were really selfish, or at least very inconsiderate of your feelings.

 

First of all, why should you be the one to avoid the group of friends? I wonder if he knows how you feel about him. If he knows he and the other girl should be the one to not joining the group thing for a while or they just hide their relationships for a while until you heal better. They are both very selfish and this is just the most cruel thing that they can do to anybody. I have been in similar situations before and I know how much it hurts. It just hurts like hell sometimes. This happened just when the guy I had a crush on started dating one of my friends and they always went to the same library I went. I had to literally avoid going to the library in order to see them together. I bet the at least the guy could guess how I felt about him and the ways he handled things already made me think less of him. I guess it may be part of the reasons why he asked me for a lunch later on, without saying anything relevant. When I look back, I see this as an unsaid apology.

 

People just can't be this selfish. It's all his fault.

 

 

 

you know what? I thought Id be ok but Im not... I feel like * * * * right now... I went to the party and it was great except for him not even speaking to me or noticing me... Im just in a lot of pain right now and just need to vent a bit... I dont care about us not being together.. but its soooo f****ing weird that he doesn’t even acknowledge me! I prob shouldn’t be posting right now... sorry guys... I should have waited until I was more calm.. but I just needed to get this out of the way...
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yeah, them behaving like this really does help you not want to be with them anymore.. I really dont see why they behave this way! Like you said they have each other so they should be fine not going to some events so that I dont feel awkward or not end up going because they are there... I do have to say that I did have a good time at the party last night.. I dressed up extra sexy and talked to everyone and was really friendly and all smiles but he didn’t once come up to me to wish me happy new years or say one word to me... he barely even made eye contact! I did go up to him once to try to be friendly and mentioned that I was drinking this wine that we got in Nova Scotia together and that was it... I just wish he didn’t make things so awkward! I did feel really bad when I got home last night which is why I posted that message.. but now thinking back I did have fun and was just upset with him because I thought he would have tried to talk to me or something.. or at least act friendly and now completely ignore me… hes not the one who is hurting!

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