Not sure what to think

[suddenlyalone]

I am reentering dating from a long break and met a girl off of eHarmony. We have been chatting daily since October and I bought tickets at the end of November to visit later this week. We have been very open wit each other which is refreshing.

 

Today though she messaged me and told me that last week when she went home for Christmas she hung out with one of her old teacher and that they went to dinner another night and he said he was interested in dating her and they have been talking a lot but she doesn't know how she feels about it. She said that she has been talking to me longer, is really looking forward to my visit and really, really likes me but wanted to warn me about the added complexity.

 

Since we have been open and honest I feel like talking to her about this but I am torn. I was hurt that after all this time I hadn't made an impression enough that she would consider going out with someone else but then again we havent met face to face yet. We video chat all the time so I can see her reactions and she seems genuinely interested and genuinely torn.

 

As for me it hurt first of all, then it made me a little weary because I have been in a situation where a girl cheated on me when we were engaged with someone she had dated when we were just getting our relationship started. I know the situations are different but in the back of my head there are many doubts now, real and imagined.

 

My question is twofold. Is this a big deal or just one of those bumps in a semi-new relationship?

 

2) Should I tell her all my feelings?

 

Just putting this down helps a lot and I appreciate any perspective from someone not emotionally involved because I am thinking much too much

[Scorpion Fury]

You bought tickets to see her? So, you're starting this relationship off as an LDR, from the internet? No bueno.

[suddenlyalone]

No Bueno to LDR internet dating or what happened?

[savignon]

If you already have your tickets and the plans are for THIS week....then go and see if there's that 'in person click' that you absolutely most definitely need if it's going to work out. If you don't even have any chemistry in person, then the rest won't matter. If you do, then she'll make herself available to you and not to the other guy.

Best wishes! Have a fun and safe trip!

[Scorpion Fury]

No Bueno to LDR internet dating or what happened?

 

LDR internet dating. I don't think it's good to start out that way.

 

I guess it's good she's being honest with you. Since you already have your ticket, go and see if you click. Maybe you won't click so well in person. Maybe you will, and she'll cut things off with that teacher guy

[Mun]

Hello there.

Ok this is tough. How far does she live from you? I honestly don't recommend having a long distance online relationship. Relationships are difficult enough as it is ...why add distance to it? Try looking for someone within your area next time.

 

I hate to break it to you, but she is not your girlfriend. You are at the starting point of " we will see what happens when we meet" don't get ahead of yourself. You don't really even know if you two will have the same chemistry in person.

 

Be good to yourself and don't get attached yet. Anything can happen at this point, even a total change of heart. Try to see this as a friendly meeting and nothing more...for now.

 

I hope you didn't spend too much for those tickets.

[suddenlyalone]

She lives on the east coast and I am in Texas. I just graduated though so my options are open. The LDR does put more pressure on things because of the distance though.

[suddenlyalone]

I went to visit and things didnt go as planned. The chemistry ws there for me but not for her. It hurts but I am actually still happy because she handled the situation in a way I could never have dreamed of and made me realize that it wasnt an issue with me or my looks there was just something missing and that I was a great guy. I have heard the "you are a nice guy" speeches before but the fact that she sat and cried with me and took the time to point out al the specifics of what was good about me, plus her calling the airline and paying the change fee for an early flight back have led me to believe she could and wil be a great friend. I am heartbroken at the moment because she was everything I had hoped for but I am not opposed to internet dating like I thought I would be because of the wonderful person that I met.

[Mun]

Ohhh, sorry to hear that but glad that she was honest with you instead of stringing you along.

 

You seem like a classy guy. someone else will come along...

[drewciouS281]

some people are able to make LDR work but majority IMO dont work. one or the other gets lonely or gets tired of waiting for the other person. in person and physical is def more satisfying than video chat or email. really think about if this is worth the time and energy since she has this other option thats where she lives.