i was right, she was cheating on me.

[blue69]

Yep. This relationship has ended.

 

Get her things together. Have someone (her family or friends) come pick them up. Follow the others advise and get her off any joint accounts.

 

I will advise you to take pictures of both her and your items. It may come in handy.

 

Negativity is coming its way. Try to stay out of it as much as you can.

 

Good luck and stay strong. Believe in yourself.

[blindreepr]

I'm trying to be strong. And I feel like I'm failing miserably. I'm all talk and no follow through. I'm destined to be a doormat. This should be so easy yet it's so hard.

 

I was this close to calling her and telling her that I packed all her stuff and that she needs to move out within the week. Then before I can do that, she texts me and tells me she wants to spend new years eve with me and that she'll be home tonight or early tomorrow. Why am I such a sucker?!?!?!?

[abouttime]

So let me understand this. This other guy decides that he doesn't want yesterdays conquest hanging around with him on new years (been there, done that). So she decides to come home and give you sloppy seconds. Why do you put yourself through this. Anyway new years is tomorrow night. Wait a minute, let me get this straight. YOU MEAN HE WILL BE BONING HER TONIGHT AND YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE HER OUT TOMORROW? You are actually giving her a present for being a faithless * * * * . Who sees you for only free drinks tomorrow. Do me a favor. Look up the word cuckold in the dictionary and tell me if there is picture of you underneath the description.

[blindreepr]

you're 100% correct. That's the sad part. I realize how pathetic i'm being, but i feel powerless to stop it. I guess this is how battered wives feel.

[yeawutever]

you're 100% correct. That's the sad part. I realize how pathetic i'm being, but i feel powerless to stop it. I guess this is how battered wives feel.

 

How about comparing that to foods. Find a food that's a danger to your health (ex. eating too much eggs can give you stomach pains) then if you keep applying that then you'll find all the negatives outcomes and pains you'll encounter the longer you stay with her.

[midnightrambler]

you're 100% correct. That's the sad part. I realize how pathetic i'm being, but i feel powerless to stop it. I guess this is how battered wives feel.

 

they usually have bruises

[yeawutever]

they usually have bruises

 

True but bruises can be defined in another way too. He's going through an emotional/psychological bruise.

[mrmaximum]

I'm trying to be strong. And I feel like I'm failing miserably. I'm all talk and no follow through. I'm destined to be a doormat. This should be so easy yet it's so hard.

 

I was this close to calling her and telling her that I packed all her stuff and that she needs to move out within the week. Then before I can do that, she texts me and tells me she wants to spend new years eve with me and that she'll be home tonight or early tomorrow. Why am I such a sucker?!?!?!?

 

YOU LOVE HER, and you cannot turn off your emotions like you can a light switch. Okay, here is the deal;

 

1. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP. Your human, this is a very human thing for you to be going through. Dude, listen, there was a time where I would break up with my ex at night and take her back in the morning. All of that happened in my head because I didn't believe in making big choices at night which prolonged the bloodletting much longer that it should have gone. What you are going through is normal and I bet dollars to doughnuts that the people who have posted on this thread can relate in one way or another. YOU AREN'T WEAK. BUT, you are letting your emotions think for you.

 

2. STOP LETTING YOUR EMOTIONS THINK FOR YOU. This will be the hardest part for you. You have to make a choice. What is it that you want? Do you want a healthy relationship where you and your partner walk hand in hand in this life, OR, do you always want to be looking over your shoulder. Don't worry about your gf, don't worry about the future, don't worry about ANYTHING other than this one choice RIGHT NOW. When you make this choice, proceed to step three.

 

3. CUT CONTCT BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY. Presumptious I know, but I happen to have read the posts of another person on this thread, and if he says something is over, DUDE THERE IS NO SAVING IT. If this woman cannot give you that, then you need to end it and look elsewhere OR literally wish you had. There are no other options and you are beating your head on a wall trying to make one. Make the call, tell her it's over, THEN TURN OFF YOUR PHONE. Pack her bags, leave them outside then LEAVE to a place where you are strong, your parents, your friends, ANYWHERE, but where you are. She has you wrapped and is counting on that whenever she screws up. She can talk her way out of it and come back 'home'. Home isn't supposed to be a place where you feel queasy about what your SO has done. HOME is supposed to be the ONE place on this planet where you feel safe with someone who has your back. She is no longer your problem. You have to realize the sitch here, you have a tiger by the tail plain and simple. The chances that you will be happy are slim to none. Do whatever you have to to get her out of your life. This isn't weakness, this is a strength. By any means necessary takes courage, trust me on that one.

 

Don't gamble with your future like this, your self esteem will take a beating and for what? Someone else's sloppy seconds? WHY pay $3,000 a month for a jalopy when you can have a Ferarri? Do whatever you have to do. Yeah?

 

Good luck

[abouttime]

Blindreepr, Do you know how many girls would be hammering down your door to get a sensitive guy like yourself? You are looking for a partnership. This is not nor will ever be a partnership. So you take her out drinking and 12:00 midnight comes and you go to kiss her happy new years and realize last night she was sucking the other guys * * * * . And all you can think is "I hope she brushed her teeth. "

[striker_dude]

Me: so are you going to stay in the house with me or move out?

 

You are still letting her call all the shots.

 

Even this late in the game.

 

Someday you will hate yourself for this. Unless you put a stop to it NOW.

[SoMuchLove]

Ignore your feelings(like that helps). Be logical about this. If she cheated on you then it' over. Thinking about everything you did for her is only going to amplify the situation. Just gotta pick up the pieces and move on.

 

Also, be a bigger man and don't do anything spiteful. Make it obvious someone has upset you is childish.

 

I'm sure your a great guy and you'll find someone who will treat you like a prize.

[blindreepr]

she texted and said she'd be back tomorrow morning. The more i think about it the more i am dreading it, and dreading seeing her, talking to her or anything. I really don't know if i can even look at her. Much less what i can say to her, as the things she has done has pretty much rendered me speechless. Even if i have her stuff packed she won't be able to leave as neither of us drive since we live in sf. I'm imaging the situation just ending poorly, with me completely embodying the numb feeling that i have been in the past few days and her reacting to that either with guilt or anger. The closer it comes the more i realize that her living with me won't work, no matter how much my heart wants it to. I'm being forced into finally manning up by my own emotions.

[striker_dude]

It sounds like you are rapidly coming around and tackling this situation head on and that's a very good thing.

 

Here is one potential pitfall...

 

You are going to get really tough with her, and tell her in non uncertain terms that you have had enough and it's over. She is just the type to go to pieces and want you even MORE once you push her away. Then you are going to have to not only stay tough against your own wants- to go back to her, but you will have her working on you and trying to find the right buttons to push.

 

It's not going to be easy. But you KNOW what you gotta do, and you know that sooner is better than later.

[abouttime]

She may not have a car but still pack her up. Even out of the kindness of your heart you allow the bags to remain inside you have to tell her she can go stay with friends until she finds a car (or shopping cart) to move her * * * * . She is a cake eater. If you feel you are weakening . You need to envision her getting screwed by this guy and being penetrated in every way. Then you need to imagine what she said about you to him. And how he laughed at you while she was going down on him. If she tries to kiss you. Push her away and tell her she has come on her breath. I know this is painful. but you have to steel yourself for this. You are entitled to be loved with fidelity. But you have to get rid of her so when your match comes along, you will be ready. Now start packing her * * * * up.

[blindreepr]

i'm pretty much an atheist but i was raised christian. One thing that was instilled in me whar to treat people the same way you would want to be treated and to turn the other cheek. No matter how messed up she has been to me i can't just flat out be mean to her. I can look after my own needs before hers, but i won't call names or say hurtful things just for the sake of being hurtful.

[LostInFlorida]

I'm going to give you some great advice here. Do yourself a favor, and just follow it. No questions, no second guessing, just DO IT.

 

Pack all of her things IMMEDIATELTY, and take them to a trusted friends house. Not tomorrow, not the day after, RIGHT NOW. Have your friend contact her to arrange for her to pick up her stuff. In the meantime, book a flight for tomorrow (or if cash is an issue then hop on a Greyhound) to LA or Vegas or somewhere close, so it doesnt cost a fortune, and just split for a couple of days. LEAVE YOUR CELL PHONE AT HOME. Dont call her. Not for anything. Any major hotel in LA or Vegas should have something going on in the hotel bar for New Year's Eve, so you can still celebrate and not just sit alone in the hotel room.

 

I'm telling you. DO THIS. Dont think about it, just do it. You'll end up thanking me for it later.

[littlestar]

same guy she cheated on me with before. She said they only made out, no sex. But that she doesn't want to be with me anymore and can't fake it for any longer. i'm completely numb right now and don't know what to do.

 

Sorry to hear she did this to you again. At least now you know the truth and slowly can begin healing and moving, as hard as it is.

[abouttime]

Happy New Year blindreepr, How it go?

[blindreepr]

I posted how it went in another thread but I'll repost it here. Basically it wasn't pretty.

 

Here's pretty much what happened. She was yelling at me, she had her shoe in her hand and was shaking her first at me very aggressively, I was genuinely scared that she was going to hit me with her shoe or throw it at me. (she has been physically abusive to me in the past) Then she actually pushed me or punched me in the chest, I don't even remember now. I snapped and grabbed her and pushed her into the bed, she kicked me in the chest/neck and I let her go.

 

Lots of crying, her wanting to leave, me blocking the door.

 

More crying, her trying to leave, me trying to stop her. Not wanting everything to end like that.

 

She finally got on the phone with her friend and told her friend to call the police and thats when I let her go. I didn't want her to leave like that, I didn't want her to be walking downtown by herself at midnight with all the drunks out and about. I followed her and she ran.

 

Finally she stopped, she told me to stop following her or she would scream. I asked when she was going to pick up her stuff and if I could just have a few minutes to talk with her tomorrow. She said I could have 5 minutes and that she'd be back around 4pm.

 

I left her alone, went back home and started packing her things. I texted her letting her know how absolutely * * * * ty I felt. I can't believe I did the things I did and that it escalated that far. The fear and complete helplessness in her voice made me feel like a monster, that I was the reason she was crying, feeling helpless and afraid.

 

She texted me and asked me not to do anything stupid to myself, that she didn't want to feel like * * * * and have to worry about me at the same time.

 

I texted more apologies. I feel so bad about how things happened. Part of me wishes that I would just die and that she is better off not having a worthless jerk abusive monster in her life.

[abouttime]

You need to get into counseling man. You have this all twisted around. You tried to save the relationship. she * * * * s on you and laughs with the other guy. Keep packing dude. You will be able to get through this. You are well rid of her. Ask anyone on this board who is the loser. And it ain't you .

[blindreepr]

. Ask anyone on this board who is the loser. And it ain't you .

 

I hope that is really the case, because i feel like quite the loser right now. not only because of what I did, but because I still love her, regardless of what she's done to me.

 

Makes me an even bigger loser than either of those separately.

 

I'll get through this though, and be stronger than ever I hope. The harder something hits you the more you learn from it right?

[blindreepr]

she's moving out today. this is going to be hard........

[abouttime]

I don't know if you were more in depth in your other post. Could you url me on it.

[blindreepr]

[abouttime]

Was she mad because you told her to move out? Did you guys go out drinking before?