i was right, she was cheating on me.

[blindreepr]

You don't bring her back to end it nicely!

 

I want to end it nicely for myself. I don't want to end up being that guy who was the nice guy that turns into a jerk because he was wronged by one too many women.

 

I'm scared for myself at what path I will end up taking after this is all said and done.

[mechie22]

is it possible to be addicted to a person?? It's like no matter how much my head tells me that I'd be much better off without her my heart cannot do the things that are necessary to get rid of her, instead it tries to do everything it can to keep her.

 

My current boyfriend and I are "addicted" I think, we have been thru it all. Its a blessing and a curse.

She is only going to continue to hurt you and you will NEVER be happy with her or yourself. You keep allowing her to treat you disrespectfully and like a doll that once shes tired of playing with you, she tosses back in the toy chest until shes bored again. Break the cycle now while you have the chance to.

[Botched]

Even if she did stop, could you trust that.

 

My wife cheated on me and we are working through it. Our situation was much different, but it happened all the same. It was a one-time deal without a relationship persay...and she has been there for the aftershock. Even with her total devotion to facing what happened and how it hurt me I still get crazy at times. It is hard.

 

I don't see your GF doing what needs to be done to honor you. You will be suspicious and worried about nothing and everything sometimes. Anger will come up from nowhere. My wifes counselor says she'd worry if I didn't have these feelings, so you are where you should be. Your GF isn't.

[Botched]

I want to end it nicely for myself. I don't want to end up being that guy who was the nice guy that turns into a jerk because he was wronged by one too many women.

 

I'm scared for myself at what path I will end up taking after this is all said and done.

 

I feel for you man, but turning to her is not a long shot, it's certain failure. Do you think she will reaffirm your faith in women now? I can tell you that she won't...not by being given a pass she won't. You need to be alone perhaps and find out just who you are.

 

Fear not for your ability to love or capacity to be loved. It sounds like your looking for love from freeloaders, sorry to say. Trust that the world has more to offer than this latest in a line of honorless women you have found. Work on you...sounds crazy, but that fits doesn't it.

[blindreepr]

I'm almost to the point where I don't even care that she cheated on me, its more the fact that she lied about it. A part of me wants her to be "happy" with this other guy, but I know that that won't happen. She's be idealizing him and a relationship with him for over a year now, and the amount of respect that this guy has to have for her, a girl that repeatedly cheated on her boyfriend with him has to be close to zero.

 

I feel like I just want a non-dramatic peaceful ending to this whole thing. Not like this.

[Botched]

Okay...you'll have to define that for yourself. Good luck man. Maybe you are one the high road. Just be good to yourself and honor the fact that you did get hurt. Best wishes.

[blackgnat]

Gather her stuff up and put it outside the front door. Tell her you have no interest in seeing her. She wasn't thinking about you while she was shagging those other guys.

 

She couldn't even wait till January to go to counselling with you. She's a spoiled brat who wants what she wants when she wants it, without regard to any your efforts or acknowledging the contributions you are making to make the relship work.

 

You have to remember the crappy things like this when you start to romanticise her or feel that you can't live without her. She's a taker and she doesn't sound like a very nice person.

[Botched]

Gather her stuff up and put it outside the front door. Tell her you have no interest in seeing her. She wasn't thinking about you while she was shagging those other guys.

 

She couldn't even wait till January to go to counselling with you. She's a spoiled brat who wants what she wants when she wants it, without regard to any your efforts or acknowledging the contributions you are making to make the relship work.

 

You have to remember the crappy things like this when you start to romanticise her or feel that you can't live without her. She's a taker and she doesn't sound like a very nice person.

 

 

He has to give his all and see this thing through, even to a heart shattering end if need be. What are any of us if not fools? Perhaps, in the end, a peace will be had.

[blindreepr]

at 1:05 I get this text from her... "okay. we'll resolve this as best we can. I'll come back in a day or two and we'll talk things out better than over the phone."

 

I try to call her and just ask a few questions, like where is she going to be staying? At her sisters house or at this guys house, will she be back for NYE. And she doesn't answer the phone. She sends me another text asking for a couple minutes and then she'll call me. Fine. I give her 20 minutes, nothing. I call and she doesn't answer.....I think it's hopeless....

[7ate9]

Man I am feeling your pain. I have been there, and the most you can do is empower yourself by creating bounderies! That is what almost everyone is saying in their advice to you- create some bounderies!

 

Right now she is acting like she is in charge- when you will talk/ when she will pick up her stuff/ etc. I'm not saying to become a bulldozer and tell her how it's going to be- but at the same time your self esteem is totally low and you are letting the world walk over you. Stop that! Respect yourself/ love yourself and the world will follow accordingly.

 

You are not ready to see her or talk to her (although you may want to). I know that you have these impulses to call her etc- but that is the "wounded you" trying to take over the real you! You have a heart- you gave her your all- she could not return it. So now you need to stop focusing on her (as much as you possibly can) and start giving yourself some love! Do what you need to do- and don't give her any more power. Give yourself your power.

[yeawutever]

Glad you found out what type of person she was. Usually when our gut instinct tells us something ain't right then it probably is correct. Now don't even bother taking her back is she begs you to. You're find other decent women out there that don't cheat nor insult you with great disrespect.

[abouttime]

Congratulations. I would tell her there is no talking things out. You're a cheating * * * * and you can go F yourself or whoever you please. Don't bother trying to come over while I'm not there. I changed the locks. You will come over when it is convenient for me. You will get your stuff and be gone. Then just lose my number. No problem, no fight, you just gone.

[blindreepr]

she finally called. A summary of what was said... me: when are you coming home? Her: i dunno. In a couple days, i have to work monday so i'll be there before then. Me: will you be here by new years? Her: i dunno. (i had bought us tickets to go to some big party with an all night open bar and i got a dress for her to wear as well) me: where are you staying? At his house for the next few days or your sisters? Her: i dunno. We'll see, i'm fine at his house right now. Me: well, are you going to continue to cheat on me? Are you going to escalate what your doing and have sex with him? Her: i dunno. We'll just have to see what happens. I don't want to say that i'm not going to have sex with him when i might end up having sex with him. Me: so are you going to stay in the house with me or move out? Her: i dunno, i can move in with my friends. I don't want to live with you but we'll see what happens. I'd rather not live with you anymore but i still want to go to counseling with you so that we can both learn from our mistakes. Sorry for the poor editing as i'm on my cell phone. But that's pretty much where the convo went. She said she'd let me know if she decided to come home for new years eve or not. I'm not expecting to see her. I'm pretty much expecting to hear from her that she isn't coming at the last second. Probably when i call her a few times and she gets annoyed and tells me to stop calling.

[abouttime]

You need to man up here. As much as this hurts. You almost sound apologetic. Oh I'm sorry I made you cheat on me. She is treating you like a dog.

[Trip McNealy]

I think it's safe to say that you're better off.

 

It sucks, but you'll get out of this just fine. Hell, I was the other guy for an entire year, and now that same girl is engaged and pregnant by her own boyfriend! You dont want to be that guy, trust me. Because it was probably going down that road if you live together, no?

[blindreepr]

I think it's safe to say that you're better off.

 

It sucks, but you'll get out of this just fine. Hell, I was the other guy for an entire year, and now that same girl is engaged and pregnant by her own boyfriend! You dont want to be that guy, trust me. Because it was probably going down that road if you live together, no?

ya, it was headed down that road. Not anymore obviously. Now she wants me to sell the wedding dress she bought on ebay for her.

[abouttime]

Sell her wedding dress on Ebay for her. Hell no. I would tell her that I would wipe my ass on it for her.

[blindreepr]

i dunno. I guess i can't deny how bad the situation is nor can i deny how hopeless it is. I feel that i have every right to do as much effed up stuff to her for revenge but even though i have that right and hell, i've even threatened her with some of that stuff, that i shouldn't do it. That i should be the bigger person persay and not do any of it. I feel like i should wish her the best in the future and at the same time let her know that i have every right and every oppurtunity to make her life miserable for a long time but that i won't because i'm not like that anymore. And then just let her stew on that.

[Botched]

She isn't stewing, she's traded the "t" for a "cr" though...but not sTewing.

 

Man up...get rid of her stuff anyway you can for yourself. Do it tomorrow. Change the locks and have enough balls to be pissed off. This is low my friend. If you let her use you like toilet paper you will be toilet paper.

 

Good grief! I am shocked at that story...the phone call. She was picking out the sheets while you two spoke. Get with it and get rid of her stuff, trash bags (along with the trash for that matter) and send her on her way. The way it's going you'll be begging to raise his children...think about that. You don't need revenge, you need her GONE.

 

Move her out and text her this..."First one to the curb wins, but the trash man gets up earlier than you do."

[Botched]

Sell her wedding dress on Ebay for her. Hell no. I would tell her that I would wipe my ass on it for her.

 

Have to agree....what the hell is going on?

[browneyedgirl36]

Wow...This was painful to read...

 

I am so sorry to hear about this. .

 

Honestly, I agree with the last few posters here; you HAVE to get her out of your life. I'm glad you realize that petty revenge isn't a good idea, but you definitely have to show her that you're done with her, that she can't just say "I don't know" when you ask her things -- that she's made this decision, and, since she's an adult, she has to accept the consequences of her actions, just as all adults have to.

 

I would call her, or text her, or however you think you can best deal with her and tell her something along the lines of that you have gotten together her things, and that she has X amount of days to come and get them before you take them to her sister's house and leave them there. Be firm, and tell her that since she has made the choice to leave you and is unwilling and/or unable to say when/if she will be coming back, that you have had to make a choice, and your choice is that she, and her stuff, need to be out of your apartment immediately. Tell her that she needs to call you ASAP to let you know exactly when she will be coming by.

 

When she does come by, it might be a good idea to have a friend or two there, just for moral support and in case she brings anyone who might cause a problem for you. You could have her come by when you won't be around, but...that depends on whether or not you can trust her to just come in and take all her own stuff.

 

Is she on your lease or rental agreement? If so, you need to get her removed from it ASAP. You might want to talk to your landlord about that.

 

And the wedding dress? Honestly, I'd just throw it on top of the pile of her stuff. That will send a message that you are done with her. Don't even THINK about selling it for her. She doesn't deserve you helping her in that way, unless she tells you you can keep the money. Otherwise, it's her mess to clean up; she chose this, and she has to deal with whatever happens.

[abouttime]

PLASTIC BAGS! GREAT IDEA! You have 2 or 3 days. Pack every bit of her * * * * up. Don't break anything and stuff them into plastic bags. Leave them outside. Text her that you packed her * * * * up and she can come and get. You don't want her in your place for hours packing up her * * * * and making you feel that you didn't give her everything she needed. You have to do this if only for your own self respect. This is not vindictive its called self preservation. In fact you can make it a cathartic experience. Packing her up will be symbolic of you packing up all the pain this * * * * * has caused you. A quick clean break so you could grieve is what you need. Not the drip, drip, drip of her pulling slowly away. You need to listen to those who have had to deal with this.

[Scorpion Fury]

Are you kidding me??

 

Dude....WITH ALL DUE RESPECT...grab your nuts and man up!

 

She not only cheated on you, but she is STAYING AT THIS DUDE'S HOUSE?? I must have missed that part.

 

That post set me off. I don't like her at all, I feel like slapping her in public.

 

She "doesn't know if she will have sex with him again"???????? Of course she is! And she will continue you do so. You are enabling her to have her cake and eat it too. You are allowing this. Why are you being such a doormat? You're an attractive guy, you can find a girl that won't behave like this piece of trash.

 

You just totally put the ball in her court. You are allowing her to stay with the guy she cheated on you with, decide if she's coming "home" or not, and prance around and do whatever she pleases with no commitment to you until she needs a place to crash. Then she will come back, until she decides to do it again. And she will do it again. Because she knows you will take her back. You teach people how to treat you.

 

I really hope you find your strength soon and call her back and let her know she can arrange to come and get her things, and that you no longer have any interest in being her doormat.

 

Come on man......

[Fireman Sam]

I'd rather not live with you anymore but i still want to go to counseling with you so that we can both learn from our mistakes.

 

This was not a mistake....it was a decision. Something she has thought about and made a choice.

 

The quicker you make your decision to cut off all contact with her and move on, the better it will be for you. She is not a respectful woman and no one should settle for this. You deserve someone who has integrity and she isn't it.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this...especially that this time of year, but you have to toughen up and have some self respect. You will do much better then her next time.

[yeawutever]

i dunno. I guess i can't deny how bad the situation is nor can i deny how hopeless it is. I feel that i have every right to do as much effed up stuff to her for revenge but even though i have that right and hell, i've even threatened her with some of that stuff, that i shouldn't do it.

 

If you keep doing that, then it will only make her happy and in her mind she'll probably be thinking ''Well I must be someone special since he's wasting time on me, I must be important''. The more you do it and think about it, the more she will make fun of you, cut her from your life right this instance.