Getting an ex to counselling- suggested as a good idea but how to approach them

[chipchuck02]

When my girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago i was devastated, and i looked for help in many outlets mostly ways to find ways to bring her back. The more help i seeked the more i realized these resources were designed to help me get over her. But this was the girl i wanted to marry and i am still having a hard time and i think she has a rebound. It was suggested that i do counseling but now it has been suggested i bring her in to talk to the psychologist alone and then afterward we have a joint session. Does anyone think this is a bad idea? I was told this would be a good way to figure out what was wrong and maybe it could help us reconnect or help us move on, well mostly me as i said she may have found another man already. We have not talked since the 18th, but if you have read my other posts i had sent her a letter and she should pick it up some time today. How should i aproach her with this?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If she has found another man then I don't think it is a good idea to suggest counselling for her. Work on yourself...her mental health is her own to deal with. You two are no longer together so joint counselling is not appropriate. Only if she comes back to you and wants to work things through would I say that joint counselling is a good idea.

[lady00]

Well you are posting in getting back together, so I'm guessing you want her back. I don't think it's a good idea to try to get her to go to counseling because the relationship is over and she may just see it as a ploy to try to get her back.

[savignon]

I agree that asking her to go to counseling when you're not in a relationship nor on the mend is not appropriate. If she's found someone else or hasn't expressed any interest in finding out what when wrong or how to reconnect, then you have to let that be. Focus on yourself, your own healing, etc. You can figure out on your own, through counciling, what went wrong on your end. If your goal, though, is strictly to get her back, counciling might only do so much for you. You have to have the intent that YOU want to be a better person for a better relationship, whether or not it's with her.

[jettison]

There is absolutely no way your ex is going to be interested in couples counseling. That's an absolute guarantee that you end up completely and totally estranged from her on every level. Especially if she already has a new BF, you need to let her walk.

[LW4E]

Many people have suggested counselling for my ex, and I even brought up up to her but she insists nothing's wrong with her (She also insists I'm jealous when I mention anything alogn those lines)... she's totally transparent, but here is no way to help someone who doesn't want it, no matter how desperately they need it.

[jettison]

Many people have suggested counselling for my ex, and I even brought up up to her but she insists nothing's wrong with her (She also insists I'm jealous when I mention anything alogn those lines)... she's totally transparent, but here is no way to help someone who doesn't want it, no matter how desperately they need it.

 

Even insinuating that your ex requires therapy is surefire way to completely torch, forever, any connection you may have once had. If your ex is legitimately "crazy" then you should thank your lucky stars that she dumped you so you can find someone who isn't. But if it's just another case of "my ex dumped me, and I'm Mr. Awesome. thereforee, she's crazy" then you just end up standing in line with all the other people whose ego finds it impossible to acknowledge that someone doesn't want and/or desire them any longer.

 

Shrinking the ex is the cardinal sin of relationships past.