I've almost finished with my girl friend

[davidmcD]

Hi,

 

This is my first post.

 

I've been in a very strong relationship with my girlfriend for 4 yrs. It started off very well and has continued to be strong for the first 2 years. She's the only person in my life. I don't have any female friends, only her my best friend and gf. I don't really have any mates, I left them to be with her.

 

The past year or so has been a bit sad for myself because I get less and less of her attention, yet I do everything for her. We used to be spontanious and now its pretty boring - only when she feels like it. I used to love the Spark we had.

 

This has all stopped, yet she still kinda teeses me then falls asleep. She is very shouty and I want all the while. It's pushing me away and making me feel unhappy.

 

We went on holiday together abroud and the conversations was very dimm. I saw her looking at 2 guys and I said "are you actually listening to me or interested in that". And she got stroppy and said "what? i ent allowed to look now?".

 

Although she says she loves me, she seems to forget what it means to love me like she used to. She doesnt do anything around the house other then want to go shopping.

 

I found out she's been talking to another guy on the internet. I split with her there and then, and she said everything right to get me back again. However, 4 months on from that I still can't get that out of my head. She promissed me soo much yet done that to me. She doesnt like me going on her laptop. Yet I was allowed to before. She said thats because she doesnt dare. Am I being stupid?

 

I want to split with her not because I don't love her, but because I feel her side is slipping away. She's not really interested in what I have to say anymore, doesnt ask much about what I want and things like that. The sex is once a week and she's not as interested as she wants was. I do all the work. She does want me to stay around with her mind.

 

We used to enjoy having a drink at home. Now she doesnt drink at home and likes to go out with her girl pals down the pub to meet the lads and she wonders why I get upset. Theres sexy photos of her popping up on her networking sites and photos of me disappearing.

 

She likes a lot of attention, and if one person shows her that attention then she'll just go for it. I don't want to lose the yrs we've had together. She's still the most important person to me as I know she was nice and loveing to me.

 

I suppose I can't accept the fact she wants to go out pretty much every weekend with her single mates. She's an absolute stunner and could pull anyone there and then. If I left her, I know what she'd do.

 

At the same time, she says she loves me and that i'm the only one for her, yet she cheated on me.

 

She is my inspiration, the person I go work for, the person I want to progress in my career for to earn more money to get a place together. I've now met my goal and am earning just enough to pay for a place together. However, she is at college and can not afford to pay anything towards it. She says she won't move in but will once she's earning a real wage. However, thats another yr away and I feel she's gonna continue to go out without me because she'll have money to blow and I won't.

 

She's already planning events. I wasnt allowed to go out on xmas eve or new yrs eve with her. She'd also made plans to go hit the party life in ibiza with her mates. She wonders why I get jelious.

 

I'd rather not be made a fool of again. I cant sleep at night every time she's out. I love her soo much and know theres some good in there.

 

Is this normal? Would you want to leave your bf or gf at home on these important dates?

 

At the moment we've decided to stay away for 2 weeks until I can decide on what I want.

 

I just want help, advice - what would you do? I don't think i'd ever find my match because she was the one.

[i_love_chocolate]

How old is she? Seems to me that she doesn't want a relationship anymore and she's enjoying the flirting, partying, meeting guys, attention and so on. I am assuming that she's no more than 23 years old. She wants to experience more things. I would let her go.

[SighSob]

Drop her...sorry buddy but it's for your own good...it seems to me that your relationship is over...

[DN]

I agree that it is time for you to move on.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It sounds like she's already got one foot out the door and is just waiting to meet someone to replace you before she makes the break.

 

Leaving you alone on Xmas eve and New Years is a clear sign she's experimenting with being in a 'single' state, as those are times almost exclusively spent with your partner unless you have no partner.

 

You can try talking to her and express the opinion that she seems to be pulling away from you and perhaps is considering leaving. But frequently if a person is considering leaving they don't admit it to the partner until they make the final decision to leave, so you'll have to decide whether you want to try to talk to her about her acting like she's single, and see is she is willing to stop that or not. If not, then your only choice is to accept it or decide to leave on your own terms rather than hers.

[jengh]

The bolded was the very first thing I thought of as well.

 

Unfortunately, most relationships come to an end. It sounds like you had great times together but what was once right is no longer.

 

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders with realistic expectations. I think you know it's time. Best of luck to you.

[hockeyboy]

as hard as it is, leave this girl and move on.

 

you also need to learn from this relationship and I hope you make some changes. Start with not dropping everything for a girl. You should have your own hobbies/friends etc. It's fine to make plenty of time for the girl you are with, but it's important to have your independence too....and I have the feeling the lack of that played a part in this relationship going where it went.

[davidmcD]

Thank You for your replies.

 

It's been day one of our seperation and im soo depressed. On one hand I feel like its a good thing, on the other - im totally bord, i dont want to do the things I thought I'd wanna do if I had my own time. Whilst Im with her, I feel I should be getting on with things, however now im here I simply don't want to.

 

It's very very quiet and lonely.

 

I don't know what to do with myself now. My only mate has a gf, I have other mates but live too far away and I havent spoken to them in a while.

 

I'm still young and everyone on facebook I used to know have settled down now. Theres never going to be an opportunity to go out.

 

The most annoying thing is this. I went down the pub and met my gf down there. We wasnt together if you like, just in our own group. I did meet up with this one mate of mine for the first time in yrs. Anyway, this guy ( a person my gf knows ) starts saying stuff about me infront of her. I accept none of this and tell him to back off I dunt know what your problem is. Yet he carries on. My GF then tells me I've embarrised her and thereforee I can't be seen with her anymore.

 

I simply don't understand it. Apparently he taunts her when shes down there with "ooh wheres your BF tonite ey?". She says she isnt taking sides, but I certainitly feel like she has.

 

I've spoken to her about all these things and she says that its all in my head.

 

I don't want to txt my mate about the situation as it's embarrising and he's not the sort of person to say "ooh come out and let's cheer you up". Espcially if she really wants to make this work.

 

I do appreciate your advice. I know it makes sense, but after all, I do love her and it's not my will to just let her go. She keeps telling me she wants me. I could carry on, agree to her rules and be happy. But would you agree to not be seen down the town with her? She says I could, if I brought a friend. Which she knows isnt gonna happen and when I do say "well i'll come down on my own and im sure i'll see someone I know" she goes a bit "where, where are you gonna go? NO you can't".

[SighSob]

Do you really want to stay with a girl who doesn't want to be seen with you? Ew...

[hockeyboy]

She doesn't want to be with your right now and she doesn't want to feel guilty about it. She most likley expects you to make splitting apart very very difficult.

 

The best thing you could do is cut contact with her and move on. Having been in your situation before years ago, I know it's much easier said then done. I'll tell you though...listen to people's advice because if you stick to it, you'll be happier in the end.

[Luke Skywalker]

Based on the textbook this sounds like a 'borderline' case where there is a 50/50 chance with her. I would not move on. The textbook solution would simply be to 'do not care about her and build your own life independent from her' -- yet pretending that everything is fine. Put her in the backburner. Flirt with other women, get their phone numbers and get dates -- but you can still, in the back of your mind, acknowledge she is your gf and tell her you are just expanding your social circle, etc.... If she gets jealous or thinks she may lose you to another girl then I think she should come around.

 

Try it out and see if it works. Next time ENCOURAGE your gf to enjoy her single life and tell her that you have a change of heart and think that she's doing the right thing. (Even if you don't mean it -- it's called reverse psychology -- she'll wonder why you don't care). After all, you are concerned about her social well-being and have enough confidence not to care if she finds another guy because you know already that you are the real deal and she wont find anyone better than you - so you don't care - that's your attitude.

 

Be more of a challenge to he (i.e. like you don't care about her and care about your own life, find a passion/hobby or expand your own social life). Do not display jealousy or make any scene infront of her like you did that time. In other words, whatever you are doing, by questioning her, making scenes, or wondering where it's going and talking to her about that is counter-productive to your purpose.

[davidmcD]

She wants me to come over. It's all in my head apparently.

 

I've been very harsh about it all and told her everything and yet she still wants me back with open arms.

 

I feel aweful for telling her things that I assume shes been doing or will do. I just wish she's realise that I;m trying to say and be nicer to me.

 

It's not difficult.

 

She still cant explain the laptop issue tho.

 

Arg

[BeStrongBeHappy]

How can it all be in your head when she's leaving you along on Xmas and New Years?

 

Please stick up for yourself... People will always deny things that don't play well with others...