Dating again but still lock on past cheating

[macualayfan]

Currently hanging out with this guy I like. It's been two weeks now and we seem to be getting along fine.

 

Anyways if we ever were to date officially as boyfriend and girlfriend and he asks me if I ever cheated should I tell him the truth or not. I did promise myself to start my future relationship with no lies nor secrets and tell the person in the face if something is wrong or missing.

 

Then part of me tells me that if I tell him that, he might not want to be with me no more since the detail on how my ex found out is somewhat horrible too (did posted on that before).

[loulee]

You can be totally honest with him about who YOU are...regarding your ex relationships..these are none of his business....brief over them if you must...but even so these are not early relationship topics.

[abouttime]

Currently hanging out with this guy I like. It's been two weeks now and we seem to be getting along fine.

 

Anyways if we ever were to date officially as boyfriend and girlfriend and he asks me if I ever cheated should I tell him the truth or not. I did promise myself to start my future relationship with no lies nor secrets and tell the person in the face if something is wrong or missing.

 

Then part of me tells me that if I tell him that, he might not want to be with me no more since the detail on how my ex found out is somewhat horrible too (did posted on that before).

 

 

That is part of the no lies no secrets world......RISK. I guess that's part of being transparent. If he drops you, you wouldn't want him anyway. You need someone who will forgive you if/when you cheat on them.

 

The reason I said this is because you are full of after the fact excuses. You totally screwed this guys head up. And then blame him for the aftermath. None of it would have happened (You will never know). The other guy must still care or he wouldn't try to get you back. In the end you trivialize what happened to justify yourself and shift blame.

 

You may totally believe that you will never cheat again. But now that you have broken that moral barrier. All you need to do is give yourself enough reason that anything wrong in the relationship is his fault and you will do it again. So pick someone forgiving.

[karvala]

Yes, you should tell him you cheated, you regret it, and the experience taught you never to do it again. He will be upset for a short while when you tell him, which you should expect and tolerate, and then he'll get over it, and it will be fine. You'll feel infinitely better about it if you do it that way, and by getting off to an honest start, it will also decrease your chances of cheating on him later on.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I really don't think that kind of question is appropriate when you are just getting to know someone. If someone asked me that question when I just started dating them I would run the other way because it is just inappropriate...kind of like asking how much money you have in the bank.

[blueeyedme]

Everyone in this world had done things they are not proud of...but we learn and become a better person. I don't think a relationship inventory is an appropriate discussion early in a relationship but when the time comes you can admit to having made some mistakes without going into all the gory details. If he can't deal with that, it's not the right thing anyway.

[Scorpion Fury]

I really don't think that kind of question is appropriate when you are just getting to know someone. If someone asked me that question when I just started dating them I would run the other way because it is just inappropriate...kind of like asking how much money you have in the bank.

 

I think she meant further along down the road, if they were to start to date officially. I ask every single one of my boyfriends if they have ever cheated, nothing wrong with it. Not on our first date or anything, but fairly early on. It's a question that's answer I take into consideration before choosing to commit to somebody.

 

OP, I think you should be truthful. Admit that you made a mistake, regret it, learned your lesson, and don't care to ever repeat it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I just wonder how many people are actually truthful about the cheating bit. Kind of like asking someone how many people they slept with. The cheating issue is a double edged sword. I am glad I have removed myself from the dating scene because I think it is preposterous that people have to come in with a checklist of questions:

1) How many partners have you had

2) Have you ever cheated

3) Do you have an STD

4) Can I see your blood work

5) Have you ever had an FB or FWB?

6) Have you always used protection

7) How many one night stands have you had?

8) Have you ever seen a prostitute

9) Have you ever been a prostitute

10) Have you ever been married...divorced...can I see your divorce papers to prove that you have been divorced.

11) Do you have any children that you know about. Any children that you think you might have but are not sure about

12) Do you have any psycho ex's who want you back?

13) Are you still harbouring feelings for an ex in the recent or distant past.

14) Do you have any debts.

15) Do you have any savings...are you good at managing your money

16) Do you want children

17)How do you feel about prenuptial agreements

 

I am sure there is a lot more that can be added to this checklist of screening questions. How sad is it that dating has turned into this.

[macualayfan]

you are full of after the fact excuses

 

No nowhere did I try to give excuses. I did stated there was no excuse for me.

 

You totally screwed this guys head up. And then blame him for the aftermath. None of it would have happened (You will never know). The other guy must still care or he wouldn't try to get you back. In the end you trivialize what happened to justify yourself and shift blame.

 

No I did wanted try to work it out with him and was giving up my e-mail accounts as well. I'm aware of the damage I did to him but if he was going to scoop as low as me, copying me and then not even show any sign of repentance for his cheating nor put any effort at all, plus the name callings then he could have easily stick to the first break up and not have any contact with me, why on earth he took me back then. I realize it was too much to handle, thus why I had to leave him even when he still wanted me back, to really work it out this time but it was too late. Just like he lost respect for me so did I for him.

 

You may totally believe that you will never cheat again. But now that you have broken that moral barrier. All you need to do is give yourself enough reason that anything wrong in the relationship is his fault and you will do it again.

 

No I learned my lesson, I won't ever hurt someone that way.

 

I think you should be truthful. Admit that you made a mistake, regret it, learned your lesson, and don't care to ever repeat it.

 

Yes I will tell him the truth if he ask me about it. No I'm not ever going to repeat this.