Feeling like crap after a one night stand....

[I 3 Olives]

Don't even know if this thread belongs under this topic. I haven't been able to confess this to any of my close friends, thats how shame I feel about it.

So I decided there was no better place than to tell it here.

 

All I know is that if I was actually 'myself' I wouldn't have let this happen.

 

I had a one night stand last week. As if 2008 wasn't the worst year for my love life on record I went and did that. Kinda topping off the year. As if I needed to kick myself whilst I was down.

 

I don't even know why I let it happen. So not only have I given this man, who I have known mere weeks, the wrong impression but I have dragged myself to an all time low of self esteem. I know I am not that girl - the girl who does that on a first date. Disappointment just doesn't describe what I feel about myself right now.

 

Its just that I have been so unhappy lately, with myself and where I am at. I keep trying to tell myself to lay of dating, that I can't make someone else happy till I am happy, putting myself first, etc. But it doesn't seem to be working all that well for me.

 

How can I get myself out of this rut I'm in?

[IndigoEye]

"I keep trying to tell myself to lay of dating, that I can't make someone else happy till I am happy, putting myself first, etc."

 

Well, this is a really good start. Don't forget how that makes you feel until you have that kind of thing under control. Then let it go.

 

Explain to yourself who you are in writing. What you conceive, you can create.

 

Outline what you want out of life from the clean slate. You can have as many of these as you like in life. Set goals and sub-goals to accomplish this.

 

Describe what you want in a mate. If you pray, pray for this when you're ready for it.

 

That's the short version. Good luck.

[purpleduckie]

i've always wanted to have a one night stand, for some reason. probably because i feel the need to rebel against society's standards of sex and intimacy. i wouldn't do it, but i've never had a real good reason why either. it's just on my list of wanting to do but never would - like bungy jumping.

 

i have had a fbuddy though. he was my ex. that was against my principles, because i was still in love with him but he was not with me. i regret that deeply so i can somewhat relate to you. i blamed it on everything BUT myself at the time. i never got over it until i admited that it was ME who did it. I owned up to my mistake of letting my body be used like that. I let that happened. That means I have controls over it. It also means that *I* can control whether it will happen again.

 

You can control whether this will happen again. You have made a mistake, but that's what people do when they go through life. You live and you learn. It's really no big deal in the big scheme of things. It doesn't make you a worser person because you've had a one night stand. It does make you a better person for realizing it's not for you and obtaining enough self control to never let that happen again.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

IndigoEye has some very good ideas. As for the one night stand...well, you made a mistake. You can't turn back time and undo it but you can vow not to do it again. You can forgive yourself, put it in the past and look ahead to the future. Do not beat yourself up for your past mistake...just move forward having learned that this is not the kind of person you want to be.

[CaptainPlanet]

What is ' that girl'. I'm sure that is all in your head. This is 2008 no one cares if you decide to sleep with someone else.

[COtuner]

It happens - I did it twice and hated myself for months. Still cringe thinking about it. One was at least a guy I was sorta friends with not long after breaking up with my first BF, the other was on a research trip for school and I had had wayyyyy too much to drink a couple days after breaking up with my very first BF.

 

Never did it again because the memory kept me focused on myself and my dignity (not to mention remaining disease free - at least I used protection). You will put this behind you and move forward. You'll be ok. (if you didn't use protection, you might want to get a quick check up though, just to be safe)

 

CP - it's not the sex, it's the going against your own principles.

[Batya33]

Never did that but did other things I certainly wasn't proud of. I think COD's advice was spot on. I hope you feel better soon.

[Scorpion Fury]

I agree with Indigo Eye. And, what's done is done, so don't beat yourself up over it. You can't change it. Hopefully you used protection.

[CaptainPlanet]

 

CP - it's not the sex, it's the going against your own principles.

 

I'm sure someone wise said something about putting your principles ahead of reality or something. Seems silly to hurt yourself over a matter of principle.

[waveseer]

I can tell you from experience that the more time passes the less it will matter. The cringy feeling fades and a couple of decades later it just doesn't matter any more at all. Stick to your beliefs and you'll be fine.

[segor56]

Forgive yourself. First, forgive yourself. You know that you wouldn't have done it had you been stronger and in a better place. By beating yourself up over it, you're just going to continue to feel worse. Forgive yourself.

[slimdotnet]

A one night stand sounds exotic and intriguing to people who see it to much in the media. For that one night you feel loved and alive, then the dawn comes and you are alone again.That one night made you feel like your life was going to change for the better then reality comes crashing down with the reality that you have most likely been used, considered a conquest, and that you are alone.

 

We all get sick of feeling alone and sad and we look for means to feel something better then despair and hopelessness. We see hope in a new relationship and we want to keep the relationship making us more willing to take it faster then your used to in a attempt to maintain the relationship as well as to make yourself feel better.

 

When it comes to men their are always those who look for vulnerable women who they can take advantage of for sex or other exploits. If the guy is more interested in sex then intimacy then that is a red flag for you. Look for someone that you can talk to as a friend and feel comfortable spending time with and who is more willing to cuddle then not to have sex.

 

You want to be able to work with your issues and have someone to talk to about your problems and friends can always help with that, but the issues you want to talk about can be too personal or could make your friends uncomfortable. That is why I always recommend counseling that lets your talk about and deal with your issues in a safe and confidential environment.

 

In the end always question new relationships who stress sex over intimacy and know that not all men are pigs.

 

-Slim

[joebloggs]

I can tell you from experience that the more time passes the less it will matter. The cringy feeling fades and a couple of decades later it just doesn't matter any more at all. Stick to your beliefs and you'll be fine.

 

Don’t carry the burden, learn from the experience and move on. A New Year is upon us.

 

JB.