Am I doing something wrong?

[HajiMaji]

Sometimes I wonder if my definition of love is wrong. Or maybe I expect the wrong things from love. I have had about 3 substantial relationships now, and I have learned a lot from them all, but each time I felt the girl I was with lacked in her ability to care for me. I am currently in a relationship with a girl, and while I love her, it looks like I am feeling the same way.

 

With this relationship in particular, I wonder if I should be wanting something different. I wonder what I should expect out of love. Answering that question is difficult for me.

 

Everyone loves everyone differently. My current girlfriend loves me, but I am becoming less happy with it because I do not feel she is warm enough for me. But is that a problem with me? Sometimes I feel this will forever be my issue, that people cannot meet my expectations of care. Shouldnt I be happy with another's devotion though? I dont know.. I think the problem is being compasionate and understanding is easy for me, and other people either dont value compassion or have trouble meeting the level of compassion I expect. And maybe that is a problem with me.

 

Anyway, I guess what im asking is when do you decide if the type of love you desire is based out of a genuine place or if it is created from insecurities? Is what I desire a result of my natural personality or my insecurities I need to overcome?

[Anon333]

I think in an ideal relationship, both people should feel a mutual warmth. Some people dont need constant affection and they meet someone who meets that criterie, some people like constant warmth and touching and caring deeds...It just depends on the person and if it works out with the other person....If one person craves affection and the other person doesnt give it to them, eventually this can cause animosity and ruin a relationship, unless you can come to terms with it.

 

Also, in some relationships, people are less warm and affectionate not because that is just how they are, but because they actually dont feel that urge and overwhelming love toward their partner to naturally be that way....Its good to communicate and decide which is which so you can make a decision on whether to stick it out and accept that is how she is, or break it off because you realize her heart isnt in it enough..

[waveseer]

It's okay to want to be treated a certain way and to hold out for the person it will come naturally to. If you are like that then there must be more people like that.

[Rosee]

It's an interesting question. I know that in my relationships I have always felt deprived in some way and I do think the guys I was with were not right for me, but at the same time I do think I have unrealistic expectations of relationships..I think one person usually is the more demonstrative and affectionate one.

 

Perhaps you could have a think about what you feel you need and desire from a relationship then try and figure out what elements are essential for you to be content and which things you could learn to live without..I am learning that there is no such thing as a fairytale romance where everything is just right, there's always compromise.