why can't i just do it??

[anonymityrlz]

I'm getting so frustrated with myself - sometimes i get these mood swings - at home and at work - and I get myself all worked up over nothing and say things and do things that are, frankly, out of line. The thing is I feel completely justified at the time, but when I get home I could almost throw up at the shame and embarrassment of my actions/words. It's affecting my work life as well as my personal life. I just don't understand how I lose control of myself and it makes me want to just lock myself up in my house and never leave or face anyone again. I hate it so much but no matter how hard I try to stay focused and calm - it just happens.

 

and my finances - when i was a kid (long before the years of "identity theft") my parents used my name to get things like telephones, cable TV, basic utilities, etc... and combined with my own stupidity my credit is shot and it's tough to buy a car and even get an apartment in some circumstances. I know I need to repair my credit, and I sit down and write up budget plan after budget plan but i just can't stick to it - i can't help myself. I don't even realize i've done it until the end of the month and i'm scratching my head wondering why i can't pay all the bills.

 

between that and the mood swings i'm starting to really dislike myself. I'm sorry i'm just rambling on but I need to vent and I can't talk about this with people I actually know. Just taking a deep breath. Thanks for listening.

[waveseer]

There are credit counselors which are state-approved and I'm sure they could help you sort out your finances. I've been through those times when I seemed to overreact to whatever was happening around me and then, like you, have suffered later by myself because I could see how wrong or out of line I was. I don't do that anymore (or rarely) and I think the difference for me is that now I'm just not as invested in the details. I do my best and if things don't work out the way I'd like them to I accept it and turn my attention elsewhere.