Alwasy on my mind.... Invading my thoughts.

[ramsickle1369]

Hey ENA... Hope everyone had a happy holilday, however you celebrate it. Mine was more drama than I am used to at the holidays and on top of a broken heart, it was hard to hold on to.

 

I have a request. I need to know what people do in my situation, assuming someone out there has been here.

 

About two weeks ago, I finally got it. He's not EVER going to be with me (after nearly 3 years of believing in the inasanity with tons to signs showing me he will never be mine). During the past two years I've fluctuated from love and hate to need and spite. All the while, I never ever was able to break the addiction. Somehow, the last time I saw him and we were interrupted during making out, he lost all interest and we parted ways in normal spirits. Normally this is not something that phases him. Anyway, this time it was so much like the issues I had with my XH, it really allowed me to associate it with that pain and I somehow got stronger. I can't really explain that part, it just happened--after two years of fighting the love in my heart and the hope that it would someday turn around.

 

I haven't initiated contact in 10 days, and hence, have not heard from him either. I know that the holidays are part of it, but it pissed me off even more that he couldn't even say "Merry Christmas".

 

My issue is that I can NOT get him off my mind. It's constant. Always has been since the day I met him. Now that I am able to stay away without that horrifying anxiety, what do I do to get him off my mind? I went to a double feature last night and nearly cried about 50 times. Everything I see and do... basically, if I'm awake I am thinking/missing him. And in my dreams, I dream of the way I wished it would be. Sometimes I wish I could just get a labotomy to forget it all... It's exhausting.

 

Help....?

[waveseer]

The thing that helped me clear my mind the most was finding an activity compelling enough that it required my complete attention. I chose surfing because it's fun and it works.

[ramsickle1369]

The thing that helped me clear my mind the most was finding an activity compelling enough that it required my complete attention. I chose surfing because it's fun and it works.

 

Thanks R2H,

 

That makes sense. I do have a rather busy business project coming up in a week. If I can just make it that far....

[JohnGalt]

This is a good topic because I think of my ex 24/7.

 

I sleep a lot just so I don't have to think about her, but as soon as I wake up, I'm sick to the stomach. And then if I dream of her, it is just the worst thing ever.

 

I think I need help. She broke up with me in October...and I was insanely miserable and then we got back together and broke up again on Christmas. I'm not nearly as bad as I was during the first breakup, but I can't stop thinking about her.

[John Bendix]

IT seems that you are caught in a loop. A pattern of thought-to-emotion-to thought again and again. Anything you train your mind and body to do through repetiton, makes it easier to repeat. This is the feedback cycle.

 

The only way I have encountered to effectively stop the cycle is to recognize your thoughts and the emotions that they cause. See that they are fleeting and dissipate almost as soon as you experience them.

 

If you have a thought or emotioal reaction, accept that you are have them. Accept them for what they are, just a thought or emotion and not a part of you or who you are. If you can do this without the need to judge them or yourself for having them, and without the strong desire for them to be different than they are, the cycle seems to end. The suffering will also diminish.

[ramsickle1369]

IT seems that you are caught in a loop. A pattern of thought-to-emotion-to thought again and again. Anything you train your mind and body to do through repetiton, makes it easier to repeat. This is the feedback cycle.

 

The only way I have encountered to effectively stop the cycle is to recognize your thoughts and the emotions that they cause. See that they are fleeting and dissipate almost as soon as you experience them.

 

If you have a thought or emotioal reaction, accept that you are have them. Accept them for what they are, just a thought or emotion and not a part of you or who you are. If you can do this without the need to judge them or yourself for having them, and without the strong desire for them to be different than they are, the cycle seems to end. The suffering will also diminish.

 

Thanks John. I have found that if I try REALLY hard, I can force the thoughts out, but they come right back. I spent a long time believing and having faith, now I believe it was all a lie. Everything was a big fat lie. In all honesty, I don't blame him so much as I blame God. I literally heard a moment of truth... and took a leap of faith... I got divorced. Then one day, I start having "feelings" and swear that I heard them again. I don't understand why I would have such strong feelings for someone that could never return them... Is this some horrific payback for something I did in the past? It's horrible.

 

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts.

[Joel Barish]

I'm jealous of you people sleeping! I am a worrier and overthinker to a large degree anyway, something I've really come to realize recently...so you can imagine how a breakup might exacerbate that to excruciating levels of mental anguish...

 

Things have gotten better. But I've had many sleepless nights. If I manage to fall asleep, I wake easily. I wake up early and can't go back to sleep. If there is something concerning me, sleep eludes me. If I could just sleep normally, I would feel so much better.

[JohnGalt]

I'm jealous of you people sleeping! I am a worrier and overthinker to a large degree anyway, something I've really come to realize recently...so you can imagine how a breakup might exacerbate that to excruciating levels of mental anguish...

 

Things have gotten better. But I've had many sleepless nights. If I manage to fall asleep, I wake easily. I wake up early and can't go back to sleep. If there is something concerning me, sleep eludes me. If I could just sleep normally, I would feel so much better.

 

Tylenol PM, my friend.

 

Or sleepytime if you don't have a headache.

[ramsickle1369]

I'm jealous of you people sleeping! I am a worrier and overthinker to a large degree anyway, something I've really come to realize recently...so you can imagine how a breakup might exacerbate that to excruciating levels of mental anguish...

 

Things have gotten better. But I've had many sleepless nights. If I manage to fall asleep, I wake easily. I wake up early and can't go back to sleep. If there is something concerning me, sleep eludes me. If I could just sleep normally, I would feel so much better.

 

I spent the first two years like that. Between a divorce and this jerks drama, I had a lot going on. Eventually, I was so exhausted from overthinking that I just want to sleep. Mind you, it took over a year to get there.

 

BTW-- SleepMD works quickly, lasts all night and doesn't have the hangover in the morning.

[Phoenix_girl]

This is a wonderful question, and I'm sure a lot of members are going through the same thing - I know I am. I think about him, i day dream about him, every song i listen to reminds me of him. When i go to sleep hes there in my dreams with arms wide open, waiting for me. I've woken up in tears many times.

 

I agree with the others - you need to find something to distract you and eventually your mind will drift to him less and less.

[ladybug726]

I've read that this obsessive thinking is the brain working through the loss. It's normal this early on in the break-up but it sucks. I wrote about it when I felt like accepting my feelings and watched TV shows on DVD when I didn't. I watched entire seasons of Lost, SATC, the Wire...

[ramsickle1369]

Ooooh yes, been watching TV a LOT. Movies tend to make me think of him. Romantic movies are the worst. I like watching things blow up a lot right now, lol.

 

The obsessive thinking had been going on since I met this guy. It had a brief moment where things were moving along nicely, then one day I start hearing "I don't want a relationship" when I never ever asked for one. Somehow, from that moment, I started wanting one. He's a jerk and does not deserve me. But the ache and sickness and emptiness never goes away. I have a hard time even MAKING myself happy these days. I used to be able to jolt myself out of it. ....