Would a shy guy who's interested do this?

[shygal2008]

If a very shy..inexperienced man (who can barely talk to you) acts like he's interested; constantly saying hello to you (first), hanging around where ever you are on purpose, stares at you when he thinks you are not looking, stares accross the room at you, walks by alot, being as polite as possible-opening doors, etc. would he do all this if he's interested BUT then when a mutual friend tells him that you think he's cute and sweet and would like to get to know him better...he says no????

 

And after the NO was given..he was doing all these things EVEN MORE than before!!! Couls it be his chronic shyness??? His extremely anxious around me and me ONLY he is fine with everyone else - smiles, laughs, jokes, etc. he does try to initiate conversation with me when he can...its just hard for him.

 

 

Can someone explain all this to me..why did he say no and still continue to show me attention???

[Casey13]

Could it be perhaps just your wrong preception that he's anxious around you and you only? Since you obviously are very interested in him your mind may be sending you signals that are not accurate because of how much you want him to like you and act differently towards you when in reality he may not be doing so at all. Frankly put, shy guys are not good at pursuing women on their own but await anxiously an opportunity for a mutual friend to instigate the hook-up. If his answer was "no", I'd assume he's not interested. If you want to be sure then ask him yourself. He would not reject you if you asked him out for coffee if he was interested.

[shygal2008]

Others have noticed as well how he is around me; anxious, scared, shy..he is just that way with me i see how he is with others; very at ease but at the same time goes out of his way to be where ever i am that has also been pointed out lately...he tends to stare alot as well.

 

Actually the mutual friend brought that up to him..how he treats me differently "in a special way" and he wouldn't answer her, he put his head down, he wouldn't dispute it..he just couldn't deny it she said..she was shocked he said no. She thinks its his inexperience and his anxiousness around me. She said he just kept looking down at the ground!!!!!

 

I just wish since his answer was "no" then he'd stop going out of his way..stop saying hello all the time and trying to get my attention then.

 

It would make it easier

[perplunk]

Yes, as a shy guy I'd say he is interested in you. It sounds like he may have social anxiety. If he does then it's not surprising at all that he wouldn't admit it to a mutual friend. Especially a female one.

 

So what are you going to do about it?

[bostonbruins24]

He might have said no because he was embarrassed about revealing his feelings.I am shy and his behaviour does sound like he is shy but interested.Don't give up on it just yet,give him time to work up towards talking to you .

[teren537]

Yah, he's interested. He probably told the friend 'no' because he was afraid it would get back to you and he'd be MORTIFIED. If you're interested in him too, invite him out to a movie or dinner or some other thing very light and un-pressured. give him a comfortable environment to get to know you.

[babyontheway]

the best way to deal with a shy guy is to come up to him alone when noone is around to where he can feel embarrassed. Or sometimes write him a letter and let him know how you feel. When he isn't put face to face sometimes they are better. In your letter ask him about his staring and flirting with you and let him know your interested

[bostonbruins24]

the best way to deal with a shy guy is to come up to him alone when noone is around to where he can feel embarrassed. Or sometimes write him a letter and let him know how you feel. When he isn't put face to face sometimes they are better. In your letter ask him about his staring and flirting with you and let him know your interested

I don't think she should write him a letter,that might make it worse.Perhaps leave him a note asking him to go out for coffee,but asking him about his staring and flirting will only make him feel self conscious and he obviously likely feels self conscious as it is.

[LightbulbSun]

It sounds like he's crushing on you, but is really shy and awkward and is afraid to say yes.

[civilservant]

I sometimes wonder how the human race has survived with all this "shyness" going on. I personally blame social conditioning and the relatvly recent change in the gender bias. Anyway I digress. The only way to find out is to ask him, he may like you, but our opinions either way ate purely subjective.

[shygal2008]

Thank you for the replies...i don't want to give up on him...but i am also scared to make a BIG move, this is new to me, i am shy as well

[cloudyia.]

OMG thats the exact same thing thats happening with me! Ahh it just gets you soooo confused dont it? I have no idea why guys do this, why cant they just be more direct?!?! lol x

[shygal2008]

That would just be too easy lol..i don't know, i just can't walk away..as long as he's giving me signals that he's interested i guess i am hanging in there. Sometimes i just wish he'd act like i didn't exist.

 

It would be easy enough for him to do that. I have only hung in this long bcuz he reacts in a good way..he hasn't hidden from me yet..lol..or acted as if he didn't like the things i was doing so i am left wondering how far i should go?

 

Will he ever give an inch or make a move..rather then just respond favorably???

 

I would love for him to surprise me one day.

[hazelnut]

I sometimes wonder how the human race has survived with all this "shyness" going on. I personally blame social conditioning and the relatvly recent change in the gender bias. Anyway I digress. The only way to find out is to ask him, he may like you, but our opinions either way ate purely subjective.

 

I agree with the social conditioning, although I'm not sure I'd ask him outright. If it's shyness that's holding him back. That may be too forward. Although it's not fair for you to just wait around to see if he'll approach. Hmm

[perplunk]

Perhaps this mutual female friend is sly enough to be able to subtly hint to him that he should ask you out? That could make it clear to him that you are interested without being confrontational about it...

 

I often wish a woman would take that first step. I'm clueless about it all... I'm often torn between taking the familiar route and just repressing it all, or going against everything I've been since middle-school and trying to be more outgoing...

[shygal2008]

tHATS THE HARD PART ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE QUIET AND SHY...AND CONDITRIONED TO BE A "LADY" BUT AT THE SAME TIME..WE ARE NO GETTING ANY YOUNGER AND i know what i want SO REPRESSING IT IS VERY DIFFICULT. uggggh sorry about the CAPS!!!!!!!

 

So, whats a shy girl to do?

[dr_styles]

Well I'm definitely a shy guy and can see myself doing these sorts of things, and as for the denial I can see myself doing that too if there is something to lose. Whether it be future contact (sounds like you meet regularly; work?) or if anything like me is worried you'll laugh at him and go telling all your friends who'll give you a laugh or "this look" forever and ever.

 

the best way to deal with a shy guy is to come up to him alone when noone is around to where he can feel embarrassed.

 

Definitely much more comfortable for a shy guy. Also I don't think you've mentioned how much you have done in showing interest. I know I would probably need 2x or 3x more bucketloads of interest shown to me before I was sure enough to do something.

 

Or ultimately you've got to make the move to ask him out casually somewhere (like I wish someone would with me and all shy guys See here's the clincher in a way; you're wondering why he doesn't make a move? It's the same reasons why you haven't - not sure where you stand, doesn't seem worth the risk.

[Batya33]

Sounds to me like he enjoys flirting with you, enjoys the ego boost you gave him but for whatever reason is not interested in dating you and/or doesn't see potential for a relationship with you at this time- nothing to take personally and that could change in the future but I think the ball is in his court. Nothing wrong with asking him for a date, I just don't think it will be effective or change the situation and it might steal his thunder if he would prefer a scenario where he asks you out if and when he is ready to do so.

 

Also nothing inconsistent in someone finding you attractive, enjoying the attention but not wanting to take it further or change the interaction - I think you're making the (in my opinion) wrong assumption that just because someone acts interested in a romantic/flirty sense they are interested in taking you out on a date or exploring a potential relationship.

 

My now-husband was extremely shy many years ago (not just around me), the first time we dated, and it took him some months to ask me out on a date (we also worked together) - and some encouragement from his friends - but since he was interested in dating me, he was willing to take the risk despite his shyness at that time. One of many examples I know.

[servedcold]

Yah, he's interested. He probably told the friend 'no' because he was afraid it would get back to you and he'd be MORTIFIED.

 

This56789.