Is my little sister turning into a Bridezilla?

[einsteins_girl]

My little sister "S" is getting married in May 2009. Initially, she had decided not to have any attendants (maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, groomsmen), but her fiance sort of had his heart set on having attendants, so she agreed that they would. She then asked me to be her maid of honor, which I (of course) accepted.

 

Things have been going fine. We found her wedding dress, and the planning seems to be going okay. I haven't had a lot of involvement because most of the details so far are the types of things the couple decides and arranges.

 

However, on Thanksgiving, my sister-in-law "A" (one of the bridesmaids) approached me and told me that "S" was concerned that I wasn't aware that I am expected to throw a wedding shower for her and her fiance. "A" said she just wanted to pass the concern on to me and offered to help me plan the shower, etc. I told her I would have time to start planning it during my break from school in January... and I have been brainstorming ideas ever since.

 

Well, on Christmas, I was talking to "S" and asked her whether she and her fiance had registered anywhere yet. She said they hadn't and admitted they really should do that. I said that it would be helpful to get it done early so people who attend showers, etc. have an idea of what sorts of gifts to buy.

 

My sister then says, "Oh, showers, right! Showers thrown by the MAID OF HONOR. That's you. You know you're supposed to do that, RIGHT?"

 

-blink-

 

Um... wasn't I the one that brought it up?

 

I just looked at her, and she added, "I've asked "A" to throw the shower if you won't."

 

-blink-

 

So I said something like, "What makes you think I'm not going to plan it?" To which she said, "I just wanted to make sure you knew."

 

Then I said something like, "Well, if you think A would be a better maid of honor for you, you can always change your mind."

 

I don't remember what she said after that, but it escalated to the point that her fiance said something like, "Geez, S, what are you gonna do next? Uninvite your sister to the wedding?"

 

I was irritated. I thought she was being quite presumptuous. Not to mention that it was offensive to me that she was assuming I wouldn't do what she wanted so she was already appointing backups. Huh??? Her fiance later told me that the shower seems to be more important to her than the wedding. LOL.

 

A little while later during a different conversation, S rolled her eyes and made a snide comment about my fear of driving in bad weather (I just got my license a few months ago), and I blew up at her. Asked her why she was being such a snot? What her deal was?

 

She told me I was overreacting, so I got up and walked away and steered clear of her the rest of the day.

 

The next day, she changed her Facebook status to: "S is very disappointed and is rethinking some wedding stuff."

 

-chuckle-

 

Am I overreacting or is my little sister becoming a bit of a demanding, passive-aggressive Bridezilla?

[alli]

Well, were you aware that she wanted you to throw the shower before "A" said anything to you? It's one of those things that people who aren't familiar with wedding customs probably wouldn't know.

 

Honestly, you both could have handled it differently. She could have just asked you if you knew, and even when people say things in a subtly offensive way I try to respond in ways that don't escalate the situation.

 

If you want to keep the peace & be involved in your sister's wedding, tell her you are still willing to be involved & plan the shower if she wants. With any luck, it will be your only opportunity to be her maid of honor.

[einsteins_girl]

I think I intended to throw a shower before A said anything, but honestly, I was in the middle of my first semester of graduate school and hadn't given it much thought. Showers are thrown only a month or so before the wedding, so I knew I had plenty of time. When A brought it up, I was a little offended, but I just thought, "Okay, S thought I was too distracted to remember. That's fine." But I really don't think S should have said anything herself. To have A and S BOTH say it to me was just irritating.

 

I should also note that my little sister acts spoiled quite often... and that there's been some bad blood between us recently because she dislikes my boyfriend a lot and doesn't hide it. So I think my reaction to her comment was a culmination of a lot of things.

 

And honestly... I'm not sure that I want to be her maid of honor. I really feel like nothing would live up to the expectations she has, and I'm going to be back in school right up until the wedding and will have very little time to devote to planning the perfect bridal shower for her, whatever that is. Personally, I've never been to a bridal shower that's been that exciting or interesting so I'm not sure what she's expecting exactly...

[alli]

Yeah, she really should have brought it up to you herself instead of talking to the other girl about it first. I know how you feel; my sister doesn't like my bf either & even told me to dump him a couple days ago. Not sure what I'll be doing about the whole Maid of Honor thing if/when we get married. Up until now I figured she would be my maid of honor, but I'm not sure I would want her to if she doesn't support us.

 

Think about it for a couple days. If you decide you'd rather not do it, tell your sis you're okay with her asking the other girl to be the Maid of Honor since she will be around more to help plan stuff for the wedding. Maybe she would rather have the other girl do it & she just felt obligated to ask you since you are her sister. I think that is how I would feel if I was engaged right now. I wouldn't want my sister to be the Maid of Honor but it would cause a little tiff if I didn't choose her.

[einsteins_girl]

Yeah, back when my little sister and I were close, she always told me that I'd be her maid of honor and she would be mine. But that was then. I think she felt obligated to ask me because of what was said in the past. We have two other sisters as well, but she chose not to include them in the wedding party. I think she thought I would've been offended if she didn't ask me. That said, if my boyfriend and I get married, I do not plan on asking my sister to be maid of honor. I want someone standing beside me who supports the relationship, me, and my boyfriend... not someone who will be doing it out of a sense of familial obligation.

 

I'm sorry about your troubles with your sister. Ugh. Annoying, isn't it?

[alli]

 

I'm sorry about your troubles with your sister. Ugh. Annoying, isn't it?

 

Oh yeah. I actually just posted a thread about the whole situation. It's crappy because I felt like everything was fine until she had to interject her opinions. Yeah, I wonder if she wouldn't even mind if I didn't ask her since she doesn't really like him anyway. I hope it all works out with your Bridezilla sister!

[annie24]

ick. she could have just asked you herself, in a non-passive aggressive way, if/when the shower would be. i mean - may!!!! you've got PLENTY of time, 5 months! i do like that her fiance seems to stick up for you though.

[einsteins_girl]

Yeah, it was kind of funny actually because at one point, before the major part of the fight, my sister went to do something, and I said to her fiance jokingly, "It seems you've got a Bridezilla on your hands", and he chuckled and didn't disagree. When he said something while my sister was being a brat, she looked at him and said, "Are you getting between me and my sister? Why are you doing that?" So I told her that he was simply pointing out that she's being ridiculous. Didn't go over very well, as you can imagine. LOL.

 

But anyway I think I was especially annoyed because I HAVE been thinking about it. I was trying to figure out if I could get a hold of someone in her fiance's family, so I could get pictures of him throughout the years, and then I was going to work with my brother to create a little montage of them through the years and then how they met. (My sister wants a couple shower for both of them.) I was also trying to think of where to have it.

 

But then she has to act like I'm incompetent and incapable of throwing a shower, and I just lost all motivation. LOL! I really just want her perfect shower to be someone else's undertaking at this point. Not mine. I have a feeling it won't be up to her standards no matter what I do...