Is Text Messaging A Big Deal?

[ApolloIV]

Maybe I am overreacting, but my ex-girlfriend and I recently decided to be friends again, since we started off as friends when we met 10 years ago, as well as the fact that she recently came out as a lesbian (which, I know, is a story for a whole different message board!)

 

Our most recent break up was January 2007, we lost contact for a while after that, and she made contact with me out of the blue in late August 2008, wanting to be friends.

 

I was hesitant, assuming she had a boyfriend and that I wouldn't be able to handle being just friends because of him in the picture, but I was way off!

 

Anyway, we got to talking and have been back in each other's lives since then, for the past 3-4 months now. I'll admit she can be a bit "scatterbrained" at times, I mean when it comes to a text message, she might not respond right away, or at all. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't.

 

But back to the point of this post...I guess my question is if texting is such a big deal, or am I making it a big deal? Because early this month, we were talking and she said that she hopes that when she finds a partner someday, that it won't be painful for me.

 

To which I said it would be painful, because I'll always want to be with her deep down, but knowing that she is a lesbian, obviously we can't be together, but I can accept that.

 

I said that to her in a text message. She didn't respond to it for a few days, and so I started to become concerned, so I asked her if what I said had upset her, and she said it didn't exactly put a smile on her face. I didn't really understand why she was upset about me saying that.

 

Anyway, I told her I was concerned and eventually, she said everything is okay, etc, etc. I guess we're just not really "phone people." But ever since that incident where she was somewhat upset, I find that she doesn't answer text messages much anymore.

 

It happened 3 weeks ago. I mean, she has texted me since a few times, we were supposed to hang out one day, but she was sick, then we said okay, next week, but she was still not feeling well and neither was I, then she texted me again during a snow storm to see if I was safe at home.

 

And even on Christmas Eve, she sent me a text message saying happy holidays, and she even wrote "xo" at the end. I told her in response that we should get together soon and exchange gifts, and she never wrote back to that one either.

 

I don't know if I'm making a big deal out of it or not. If I am, please feel free to let me know. I mean I know it sounds like some teenager's sort of problem, like so-and-so won't text me back! blah blah blah, but I don't know...I just get paranoid about it sometimes.

 

I guess it can just be annoying to ask someone a question via text message and never get a response. I don't want to call and yell at her about it, because maybe to her it's just not a big deal and then I'd be starting an argument for no reason...

 

And even though she is a lesbian now, she is still my ex, so all those feelings are still there for me, so I guess it can be like flashbacks sometimes, like I have to remind myself that she's not out with some other guy doing this or that, because things are different now, and she's explained that to me plenty of times since we've been back in contact.

 

Anyway, I guess I just had to vent about that. I know it probably sounds dumb.

[nutbrownhare]

This is a very personal thing, I guess, and what is a big deal for one person might not be for another.

 

However, speaking personally, I wouldn't put something really significant in a text unless that was the ONLY way of doing it which wouldn't cause problems. I see it much more like writing notes on the back of an envelope, and actually quite impersonal - great for sorting out when and where to meet, for example.

 

When you say she texted you on Xmas Eve, and you responded - I don't think I'd have got back to you either. I'd see it a bit like saying 'Hi!' and then you saying 'Hi!' and then getting on with other stuff. A comment along the lines of 'We must get together soon' sounds more like a greeting; but if you'd then put 'when would be OK for you?' that would probably have got you a response.

 

I get the impression you're feeling offended when no offence was meant - in any case, yelling at her is a major no-no if you want to continue to have a friendly relationship with her!

 

Hope this helps!