Dating Conflict

[Cowgirl33]

I wonder if anyone has been through this and can offer some words of wisdom.

 

I have been friends with a man in my community for about 5 years. I work in local government and he has been politically active in our community. Recently, we started dating very casually but a wonderful relationship is blossoming. Now he has become our mayor and will take office in January. I work in the same administrative office he will work in. However, he is not in a paid position and I will never report to him. At this point we are keeping our realtionship very desreet.

 

Our conflict is do we dare continue seeing each other knowing we may become more serious? Or, do we end the relationship before others find out? Or, carry on in secret?

 

I personally do not think we are doing anythign wrong and we are both very professional adults in our 40's.

 

We are really enjoying our relationship and see wonderful possibilites in our future. It would be a shame for it to end because of my job. Leaving my job is not an option either.

 

Does anyone have any experience in this area or have some good advice? Thanks!

[amipushy]

Why not just come out about it, I don't see the harm or any reason why you should keep it secret?

[hmdreamer7]

Even though you'll be in the same office, you won't technically be working together. Plus, you've been dating each other since before he became the Mayor, so I see no reason why you should be fired over it, or why the relationship should be kept in secret. I say bring it out in the open.

[Cowgirl33]

Well, thought I would post an update. Things were going pretty well until he confessed to me that he still has feelings for his ex-wife. They have been divorced 3 years. Plus, I look just like her. So, big step backwards for me and I am keeping him at a distance. I can't compete with that.

 

Thanks for the help though. I thought things would work out for us. Oh well!

[amipushy]

Well, thought I would post an update. Things were going pretty well until he confessed to me that he still has feelings for his ex-wife. They have been divorced 3 years. Plus, I look just like her. So, big step backwards for me and I am keeping him at a distance. I can't compete with that.

 

Thanks for the help though. I thought things would work out for us. Oh well!

 

Sounds like a cop out to me over his political career but sorry to hear it anyway. Least you give it a shot.

 

Good luck for the future, hope you find someone really special, really soon.

[Cowgirl33]

That thought occurred to me too, amipushy, so I think I am doing the best thing by keeping him out of my heart. Thanks for the kind words.

[Cowgirl33]

The plot thickens. I have been keeping him at arms length even though I really like him. Just trying to protect my heart. However, he seems to like my company and having me around. We have done a few things, "as friends" on the weekends and at his place. But I have noticed he never shows any feelings towards me like he did before. In his defense, we have had really rocky political crap going on in our town and his focus is 100% on that.

 

But....I noticed he never allows my comments on his MySpace page to be seen by the public. My comments are always appropriate and very supportive of his new position as Mayor. I called him on it. He said basically...."I don't want anyone to know about our friendship". That really angered me. I know we work in the same office but he is not my boss and if he is embarrassed of me, then goodbye! If I am wrong, I am sure I will regret my attitude but I have pride. I am a good person and have been very supportive and have done a lot of things for him. i.e. going to every meeting in support, making him dinner when he has been so busy, giving him cold medicine when he was sick, ironing his work shirts because he is really bad at that. Funny how whenever I am at his house, he doesn't seem worried about my friendship. So, I have now backed way off. If he doesn't appreciate me, I am not hanging around.

 

Thanks for all the posts!