Jump to content

ex won't tell me about his new girlfriend


Daligal83
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

Recommended Posts

I broke up with my ex in April. He definitely did not want the break up, but wanted to stay friends. Even though I've had a non-existent dating life since then, I'm really happy that I made that decision because he just was not the right person for me.

 

So we still talk, but only through instant messenger really. I found out a couple months ago through Facebook that he has a new girlfriend and I was happy to realize that it didn't bother me at all. I see pictures of them together and I'm fine. Just more evidence that I made the right decision.

 

What does bother me is that he hasn't told me about her. Right now he's away for an internship, and she goes to school where I live. So he'll tell me that he went to this city to visit friends. He'll say that he really misses people here. And he also frequently asks to hang out when he comes back.

 

I'm just wondering if you guys have any insight if this is something I need to worry about. I mean if I was in her position, I'd be really upset if my boyfriend was asking his ex to hang out but hadn't told her about me. And I have seen him in person since he started dating her and nada.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i myself don't see anything wrong with it..then again i am kind of reserved about things like this. if he doesn't want to tell you then he doesn't. plus i think he KNOWS that you know about her, since you saw her pictures on facebook. so what's the big deal?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It could be that he feels awkward telling you because you used to date and wants to keep his relationships completely separate from his friendship with you so as not to confuse things. Or it could simply be that he didn't think to say you, especially if they aren't too serious.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is an awkward thing to talk about and I can understand him not telling me about someone serious. We're not going to be the friends we were before we dated where we tell each other about our love lives. But they've been dating for a couple months...so I'd think by now the relationship is important enough to mention. It sounds like I'm just over thinking it though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with DW...awkward topic. It's not necessary to bring it up IMO. I see my ex from time to time (small campus) and we chat about our lives (what's new, what we have been up to) but I never bring up my bf. I just don't see the need. Whether or not the relationship is important or serious (getting there in my case) makes no difference as to whether or not I tell my ex. If I were to get engaged I would probably mention if asked what is new in my life, but other than that, I don't talk about it at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My bf used to call me over the summer. We'd never talk about his new girlfriend. And they went out for like 3 months or so...

 

Cept once he did mention that she got drunk and threw up in his car. I think that was his way of saying that it wasn't going very well....

 

Still, it's a sensitive topic. I mean, what could he say about her? Not to mention, talking about a new girlfriend, he probably thinks, is rude and mean to you. I would be glad that he doesn't bring it up. Seems like a nice guy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

lady...do you run into your ex or actually plan to get together? From how my ex talks, it's like he wants an actual friendship where we call each other up to go hang out.

 

We don't plan to hang out. Not sure if that would make a difference. It might.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Still, it's a sensitive topic. I mean, what could he say about her? Not to mention, talking about a new girlfriend, he probably thinks, is rude and mean to you. I would be glad that he doesn't bring it up. Seems like a nice guy.

 

I agree with this too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes I feel ex's are afraid to tell you about their new loves because they don't want to hurt your feelings or hurt you in any way, esp if the both of you are friends. You could try to draw it out of him by asking him about his dating life and letting him know that talking to you about it is ok, and that you won't be hurt or whatever by it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

lady...do you run into your ex or actually plan to get together? From how my ex talks, it's like he wants an actual friendship where we call each other up to go hang out.

 

Oh yea. Me and my ex still talk to each other on the phone quite regularly and if we meet in person we hang out. He even asks me to go out as friends. But I always decline. It would be a bit strange, specially explaining it to the bf lol.

How where things when you met in person? Normal? Akward? Friendly and innocent?

 

When I began dating my bf I didn't tell my ex about him. (Even though he is very old ex now). It's just not something I like discussing unless I am 100% sure that my ex won't feel anything, and also it's much easier to talk about this stuff if the ex also is seeing someone.

Even then you have to really watch your words. I can't say stuff like "oh, I'm so happy I am with my bf. He is the bst guy I've ever met". or "I never loved someone like him."

 

I'm thinking maybe your ex isn't telling you about his new girl, b/c he wants to keep the option open with you? Or doesn't want you distancing from him if he tells you about heR?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh yea he's definitely a nice guy. That's never been an issue with him. I guess I hesitate because when we were dating, it's like he had ideas in his head as to how things should be and would try to make situations fit that mold in his head. I'm not expressing it clearly and it's just really hard to explain. It's like he'd want a response out of me, so he'd do certain things to get it. Except I'd see through it and then purposefully not do it, which made him upset when he didn't get the reaction he wanted.

 

My point is that I'm never totally sure what's going on in his head or why he does the things he does. I'm a bit extra sensitive to it after going through the break up I guess.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe I am one of the few who finds it a bit odd? What with the wanting to hang out but not mentioning her?

 

If it were to be an email friendship, or "let's just stay friendly" after a breakup, then yeah - why say anything.

 

But I think he is a bit confused about where he stands with two women. Not that far out from you, not that far in with her - and so he is probably keeping his mouth shut so as not to close off the possibility of you two hanging out with hopes of keeping a closer friendship than may be possible.

 

Nothing really wrong or bad about what he is doing. But I wouldn't be hanging out with him. At least, not just yet.

 

If or when he is ready to have a closer type of friendship where you can actually meet up back n forth and it be genuine and comfortable with all - he would be comfortable enough to disclose he has a gf and talking about her.

 

He probably isn't telling you now for fear of hurting your feelings or pushing you away - but that is bogus, because he has a gf now to consider first.

 

All this is why it is so tricky to stay friends with an ex without taking a big old break away from each other not knowing a thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See, I get what people are saying about not wanting to hurt me. But I was the one that ended it. I was the one that fell out of love with him. So it's not like he should be afraid of me still having feelings for him.

 

Yes, but he has a new girlfriend. Are you single?

 

A lot of people see entering a new long term relationship as being over your ex. It's not true but it happens. People view getting into a new healthy relationship as moving on faster than someone who remains single after a breakup.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

He probably isn't telling you now for fear of hurting your feelings or pushing you away - but that is bogus, because he has a gf now to consider first.

All this is why it is so tricky to stay friends with an ex without taking a big old break away from each other not knowing a thing.

 

Not really true, if they were both friends, he should take into consideration the friends' feelings too. I do know some guys don't like to rub it into their ex's face that they have a new GF. Personally, I see that as being compassionate and caring.

 

I guess I usually champion the causes of the ex's because I've been in that shoes more often than not

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why should he tell you that he is dating her? If you are his ex, it is really not your business anymore to know what he doesn't want to tell you.

 

Ok... maybe he didn't tell you because he didn't know how to tell you... or else he didn't tell you ebcause he didn't know how you would react to it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...