First date in 23 years, help

[john4321]

ok let me tell you things real quick, dated my ex, married my ex, got divorced from my ex, simple but now really lol. now the strange part.a forst date since 1985, wow.

 

a friend of mine wanted me to meet a friend of hers, and of course i said yes eventually. she is also divorced, 2 daughters, has her own business, has her life really together. she has seen a picture of me and heard about me and wanted to meet me. she is beatiful and maybe out of my league there, but i can take that. she has dated a liitle but wanted to concentrate on her daughters, who are now older.

 

we have talked only and we get along great. she seems like such a nice person. we have so much in common and she was so easy to talk to.

 

i am just terrified about dating again. i have not since 1985, and i would assume things have changed so much. to say i am nervous is an understatement. how have other people in this situation handle this. what are the "rules" now? what is different? and having your first date in over 20 years, talk about scary lol.

 

i know it is just a beginning and maybe nothing will come of it, just so hard to get out there again, looking for some advice

[SapphireNoir10]

I don't really believe in rules.

 

I believe just be yourself, dont put on a front, just be you because at the end of the day you have to find a girl who loves you for you.

 

Just stay confident.

[Kalika]

That sounds wonderful. Why be scared?? Worst case scenario = you're single. You've already been there and done that.

 

You just have to go into it knowing that no matter what, YOU will be OK.

[hmdreamer7]

we have talked only and we get along great. she seems like such a nice person. we have so much in common and she was so easy to talk to.

 

This sounds like a relaxing point to me. And I don't think anything has really changed in dating, it's the same concept, just remember how you felt when you were on the phone with her, and absolutely be yourself!

[COtuner]

Advice based on my BF.... he had not had a date in 30 years (divorced) when we first went out. He was starry eyed and I don't think really paying attention to anything I was saying, mainly focused on his attraction to me and the fact that he was out on a date.

 

This later led to issues because.... he wasn't paying enough attention to what I was saying about things I liked and who I am, because when the initial attraction wore off he would get angry with me for liking those same things that we talked about on our first and second dates!

 

So my advice is to LISTEN a lot. It will help you as you move forward with dating.

[donnaj]

just be yourself, listen to her, and enjoy

[hossman]

A friend of mine just got divorced. He did the online thing and started dating. He was nervous as anything. After 3 dates over the first weekend out there, his attitude had totally changed.

 

He said the nervousness evaporated after the first few minutes of the first date, and he thoroughly enjoyed himself and all 3 women liked him. He has been dating one of them exclusively for several months now.

 

Just get out there. I bet the same thing will happen to you. Just be careful, not everyone you will meet has honorable intentions, you know?

[john4321]

thank you all for your kind words

[Myk_]

she is beatiful and maybe out of my league there, but i can take that.

 

 

Don't place her above you, because she isn't. You're just as good for her, you have nothing to prove to her.

 

The best thing about dating, is that there is no rules. Every situation is different, as is every person. Don't build it up too much, just go along and enjoy yourself

[Santerme]

Listening and being interested in the key.

 

I was married for 18 years, so can empathise.

 

After some months my business partner eventually persuaded me to try a dating site and I reluctantly signed up.

 

First lady I met was pleasant company initially but I found it difficult to get a word in for the next hour and a bit.

 

There was no conversation, it was a monologue with me as the audience, and I can talk for England.

 

We got up to leave and I made all the right noises about it being an enjoyable meet up.

 

She said similar things and asked if I would like to have dinner one evening.

 

I asked why she would want to.

 

I mean she knew almost nothing about me, whilst I had chapter and verse back to the Norman Conquest.

 

To be gracious, I was as nervous as a kitten and had I got the first sentence in, then the poor lady would probably have been penning this anecdote, not me.

 

I think experience has taught me that attentive may not be good enough, you have to be interested, process what you are being told and ask questions, where appropriate.

 

Don't do information overload, else where is the ongoing mystery?

 

Just my two cents...

[epsilon2x]

Dating shouldn't be a chore. It shouldn't be so formal on the first one where it feels like you're on a business meeting.

 

Take her out bowling or to a bar or club where you will have fun.

 

Sometimes I might meet someone at a coffee shop and talk to them. But I never meet them online or through a friend and take them to get coffee. It's just too boring. I'm also 21 so we might have different energy levels and be into different things.

 

Just go wherever you are comfortable and act like you are hanging out with an old friend and be fun.