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Abusive Girlfriend


wowguy

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So here I am writing this, cut lip and mouth bleeding a bit, going to tell my story.

 

So back in Febuary of '08 I met my girlfriend online playing World of Warcraft, I know its weird, but she lived in Wisconsin and I live in NY. Anywho we start talking for a bit and decide to meet so I fly to Wisconsin to spend the weekend with her and her boyfriend at the time. (He thought I was gay thats why he allowed it, she told him that not me.) So we hung out for the weekend while he worked, didn't do anything more then kiss a couple of times and txt eachother while he was around.

 

I go back and we keep talking then in June while she was waiting to start her job in July she came to stay with me for the month. So while she was here everything was okay, then the big move happened. Her boyfriend broke up with her and said he was leaving her the apartment so she asked me to leave NY and move with her to Wisconsin. Now at the time I was working making $20/hr and after thinking about it for a while I said yes and stupidly moved with her. I told my parents the night before we left, me and my girlfriend were staying at my friend's house.

 

So the next morning I empty my bank account for the road trip to Wisconsin and we get there 16 hours later. While there she starts work and I look for a job. Well once we got out there thats when the abuse started. It was so bad that our friends we made out there started to hit me too, joking around but it was getting on my nerves.

 

One time she got pissed I wouldn't run to the house (which wasn't far I just didn't feel like driving home then back) so she bit my hand. Now that sounds like nothing but imagine a pit bull locking down onto the back of your hand and not going no matter what you do. By the time i got her to let go my hand was bleeding and I had a bruise for 4 days. So it was like that for the few months we were there. Anywho stuff happened, I couldn't get work, she got fired and so we had to move back to NY and stay with my friend again.

 

The whole time we've been back its gotten worse, I get yelled at to do everything, hit for no reason, then when she gets pissed off she acts like a 3 yr old. One day I didn't want to wake up while she was awake (there was nothing to do and I was up til like 6am cause I couldn't sleep) so she just starts throwing things on me, anything she can get her hands on, then starts whipping me with a pillow and when I finally get pissed enough and start yelling she starts wailing on me and all I can do is block the hits because I was taught not to hit girls, yea i'll pop her in the arm in self defense to maybe see if that would stop her but usually it wouldn't.

 

That same day though I did snap, I actually got her into a hold and started to choke her a bit as I told her in her ear to leave me the f*ck alone because I'm sick and tired of the abuse. That didn't go over to well and when I let her go I just got hit even more. So anyways my friend had to move to Atlanta to live with his family and so me and my gf moved in with my parents. Everything seemed to be okay because finally the abuse stopped for a bit since we were no longer stressed about where to live. But that stopped til tonight.

 

My parents are out of town and have us watching the house and dogs, but anyways, she would get pissed when i would ask to play WoW on my own laptop while she was playing and would go off and sleep in the other room. So today I was like could I play since she's been playing for the last I dunno 8 hours or so and she got all pissed and turned off the whole laptop and went upstairs, every time she does that I was like you don't have to get pissed I just asked.

 

Well this time was different, she came back down while I was powering the laptop and turned it off by hitting the switch on the power bar, then I was like * * * and turned it back on then she hit the button on the laptop to turn it off, and I got mad again and said for her to stop, so the she kept trying to do it and i swatted her hand with the remote, finally she turned it off again and I started yelling so she hit me in the face with the remote then when i yelled about that she chucked the remote into my face and I yelled at her while blood was coming off my lip and out my mouth and told her to stop acting like a 3 yr old I never told her to get off I just asked so why does she have to act like that and since then she hasn't even talked to me, she went to go play Xbox in the other room and when she comes by to get something I ask her if she would appologize and she doesn't say anything. Then to top it off she is acting like its my fault telling me not to talk to her.

 

I still love her and I know the abuse is all wrong cause my friends even tell me its wrong when they see it but I don't know what to do, she's got no where to go right now cause her mother doesn't want her, don't get me started on that ordeal, but yea....I don't know how to talk to her about it, I try she says sorry and won't do it again but then here I am....*sigh*

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This is absurd and scary. How old are you two? Someone this violent must have experienced one heck of an abusive childhood. In any event, you must end this. Too toxic and someone is going to end up VERY hurt one day at this rate. I have yet to see a relationship that crosses the line of physical violence, ever be able to come back from that.

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My girlfriend has some relation to yours in the sense that i have been hit before. But I ignore this as best as i can due to it being caused by mental problems. What your going through sounds completely different though. If she is normally like this then i wouldn't spend another day with her. If you get a sense of relief when you think about you two being apart then you know what you have to do. what she is doing is horrible and no one should have to go through it. to be honest if there was a circumstance when you should slap a girl it when she throws the f-ing remote at your face... twice.

 

You seem like a nice guy and im sure you could get someone who deserves your love.

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Hi Wowguy, your story compelled me to reply.

 

The initial red light as I was reading was the fact that your girlfriend invited you to stay with her then boyfriend, and lied to him whilst kissing you behind his back.

She was clearly treating him with little respect and regard and this should have been an indicator that she may not have been a good choice of girlfriend.

 

You say you love her, and obviously care that she has nowhere else to go, but loving someone doesn't mean you have to put up with their bad behaviour, or that you are responsible for what happens to them, and behaviour of this individual sounds somewhat selfish to me, and she does not seem to be very concerned about your feelings or your well-being.

 

Only you can decide what is best for you, but if you have already tried talking to her and she carries on physically abusing you anyway, then its clear she has no intention of changing.

 

There are occasions where people are able to work out their problems, but in those cases both people make an effort, and actions speak louder than words.

Sorry isn't too hard for some people to say, but if they don't back it up with action, then its because they don't care enough to do so.

 

Think about what is right for you....perhaps with your head and not your heart on this.

 

 

Good luck

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You guys need to stay away from each other - it's an abusive relationship, and you are being hit, but you also 'choked' and hit here. You need to take a break and work out what is going on - it's deeply deeply unhealthy, and I'm not sure you can work this out.

 

I'm sorry, but you have got to split up. This is very toxic, it's very dangerous, and it's going to end badly for one or both of you, in terms of being hurt and/or arrested for assault.

 

You should also talk to someone about what is going on, and try to work out why you are in this place.

 

Good luck.

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No wonder why her boyfriend broke up with her.

 

She went behind his back which already proves that she's not trustworthy, now she's abusing you like this? Ít doesn't sound like there's any love between the two of you. This is really unhealthy.. She really needs therapy.

 

It's time for you to stand up for yourself and show her that you ain't putting up with this. Dump her.

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I'm sorry, but this is going to sound harsh....I would throw her butt out on the street after all of this even if she has no where to go. No one deserves to be hit by their s/o. You should not be asking for permission to play a game online.

Yeah, there's counseling, but in the meantime, I have to agree with the others...you two need a break. Talking to her isn't going to solve the problem. Someone has to step in. If you are going to stay with her...this has to stop. It won't stop until one of you leave or get help.

You should tell her that if she does this again, she is going to have to move out. Perhaps suggest she start looking for a job.

Tell her this when your parents are home. That way, she hopefully is less likely to freak.

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she's got no where to go right now cause her mother doesn't want her

 

Why am I not surprised. The thing is, it's not your responsibility - she burnt those bridges all by herself.

 

You need to tell her that if she touches you again you will ring the police.

You also need to tell her to get out of your life - you don't need to put up with someone like this. Love yourself more.

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im sorry this sounds really bad. how long have yall been in a relationship together? this isnt right , you may love her but i can almost say for certin that she does not love you. i agree with the others you need to leave her who cares if she doesnt have a place to stay thats her bad. your providing the house. she sould be thankful,screw getting her help and trying to move past this . you deserve someone that will treat you right .tell her to hit the road no if ,ands , or but about it this is absurd.im sorry for you but you need to know when enough is enough and see through her sorrys and it'll never happen agains because ... it will happen again and she isnt sorry.

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Break up with her and run as fast as you can. Next time either she will hit you with probably an iron, throw a knife at you or you will hurt her in self-defense. I do agree on reporting this next time she tries laying a hand on you. Very toxic relationship, get away from her.

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Hon, take the word of an older woman,

 

Love is supposed to be kind...how dare she throw a remote at you causing your lip to bleed....what if the next time she knocks out some teeth...you know how expensive crowns are?? This lady is unpredictable and that is the scary part....never know what she may do next....you seem like a very sweet young man.....she does this because she knows that she can get away with it....if it were another guy perhaps he might clobber her....then what?? she cries to the police and then the man gets arrested.

 

Bad situation your in...best to leave this little girl alone....childish, bratty, nasty.

 

How does she act with other girls? or is it guys she beats on? I would also tell my parents about this...do no allow her to get away with this anymore!!!

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Run like hell. This is a seriously bad/toxic relationship and without sounding cliche, it will get worse before it ever gets better...unless she thinks she has a problem. However abusive people tend to blame their actions on someone else and thereforee do not take responsibility for them.

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Yes I also agree he should have done what any men would have in the first episode, pack their bags and don't look back. But maybe he is his mind can be thinking that one day this will get out of her system or something similar with some women that go for the bad guys. They think they can try to change them and want what they can't have. The more they can't have it, they more they want it. Same issue with him, maybe in his unconsiciousness he believes he can change her behavior or be the one who tamed the screw (If you saw ''the Taming of The Screw movie you know what I'm saying'').

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