I got a problem and need your help!

[kars111]

I am not sure this is the right place

 

I have been dating a girl for 3 months. 3 weeks ago, things got sour, we got into an argument, and I know that she is not the one

 

then 2 weeks fast forward, I met this girl at work. She is great. She and I went out for a date tonight. Everything went perfect. We both made plans to see each other in few days. I did not tell her yet that I am coming out of a relationship.

 

I dont want to lie to either one. How should I do it without being a jerk? I really like the other girl but she is not someone I want to marry

[Ammy]

I am not sure this is the right place

 

I have been dating a girl for 3 months. 3 weeks ago, things got sour, we got into an argument, and I know that she is not the one

 

then 2 weeks fast forward, I met this girl at work. She is great. She and I went out for a date tonight. Everything went perfect. We both made plans to see each other in few days. I did not tell her yet that I am coming out of a relationship.

 

I dont want to lie to either one. How should I do it without being a jerk? I really like the other girl but she is not someone I want to marry

 

Hey Kars,

 

Are you still dating girl 1? Or did you break up after the argument? If you have stopped seeing each other there is no issue. If you still are, then you need to clarify this asap to avoid being a jerk.

 

Technically I don't think 3 months constitutes a serious relationship.. You could mention it to girl 2 in a few dates (not necessary immediately) and tell her you were seeing someone but it didn't work out?

 

Ammy

[kars111]

Hey Kars,

 

Are you still dating girl 1? Or did you break up after the argument? If you have stopped seeing each other there is no issue. If you still are, then you need to clarify this asap to avoid being a jerk.

 

Technically I don't think 3 months constitutes a serious relationship.. You could mention it to girl 2 in a few dates (not necessary immediately) and tell her you were seeing someone but it didn't work out?

 

Ammy

 

Ammy, Thx.

 

No we did not break up formally but things are not great. we are not making plans over weekends for example.

 

another problem I have is new girl asked me to join my facebook tonight where other girl is on my friends list as well. In fact, on my next date, I was planning to tell her that I have been dating a girl and things are not working out and decided to date new people. believe me, I want to be honest to both girls.

 

I just dont know how to handle it and I dont want to miss out an opportunity with new girl

[Ammy]

Ammy, Thx.

 

No we did not break up formally but things are not great. we are not making plans over weekends for example.

 

another problem I have is new girl asked me to join my facebook tonight where other girl is on my friends list as well. In fact, on my next date, I was planning to tell her that I have been dating a girl and things are not working out and decided to date new people. believe me, I want to be honest to both girls.

 

I just dont know how to handle it and I dont want to miss out an opportunity with new girl

 

Kars if you're sure you don't want to be with girl 1.. tell her now. Then you don't have to say "dating" in the present tense to girl 2.. I think she might be put off if you tell her you're in the process of breaking up with girl 1.. whereas if it's already over it won't be such a big deal?

 

Ammy

[rbr85]

What is the nature of your relationship with girl 1? You can date multiple people at once. But if you have the understanding that your relationship with girl 1 is exclusive, and you two are committed then you're in some trouble.

 

Staying with girl #1 knowing that "she is not the one" makes you a jerk if you two have an exclusive relationship

 

Staying with girl #2 and not telling her you have a girlfriend makes you a jerk as well. However, if your relationship with girl 1 is not a serious relationship with commitment then it's best to dump #1 and there's no need to mention it to #2.

[nutbrownhare]

Dating someone for three months hardly constitutes a life-long commitment - in fact, as you've just found out, it's long enough to decide whether you can get along with the person or not. In this case you clearly don't, you're not making plans for weekends, it sounds as though it's over in all but name. Just make it 'official' by telling her.

 

You don't need to tell the second girl anything about it. If you were going through a divorce, with all the emotional and practical implications that brings with it, things would be different. But a three month relationship? Hardly.

 

Also, from your post, it seems that you've only been for one date with the second girl. Wishing you luck with this, but you haven't got to the stage where you really know each other. You sound like a very thoughtful, conscientious person who is anxious to do right by people, but I think you can afford to relax a bit - tie up the loose ends with the first one, and just enjoy!