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Just don't know what to do anymore


ziggie31

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I love him so much. He means the world to me and I really don't want to be without him.

 

But our relationship's getting so toxic. We both have problems that we bring to the table and we're fighting all the time or having some kind of bad feelings. I can't remember the last day we spent without an argument or one of us getting upset over something.

 

My own insecurities have gotten so bad and I feel like I'm ruining this relationship. I feel like I'm the one starting so many fights or feeling upset and depressed all the time and creating a bad mood between us.

 

I don't want to hurt him anymore. This stress is getting to both of us and things are just getting worse and worse. I really just don't want to hurt him with my problems and issues. But I love him so much...I'm just so confused and upset. I wish I knew how to make this all get better

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It can get better if you work on your issues. The ones you say that you bring to the table. If he has some as well, he should work on his.

Sometimes you can work on them together or apart. Fighting all the time isn't going to help make things better. Isn't there a way to talk these things out?

If the relationship has become toxic, something needs to change.

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I've been trying really hard to work on my problems, but the last couple of days have been really stressful. The problem is, when I try to talk to him about it (ie vent or tell him what's wrong) then we both end up stressed out and upset because I burdened him with my issues; but I don't know how to deal with things internally, so if I try that I'll just end up stressed and upset which in turn affects his mood...and so on.

 

He told me tonight that he was close to breaking up with me because he can't deal with this. I feel so terrible for putting him through so much drama, and of course the only way I knew how to react to that was to get more upset and cause more tension.

 

Part of me says I should break up with him because he really doesn't deserve to have all my problems pushed on him, and it's wrong of me to force him along for the ride. But of course I don't want that...I just don't know what would be best.

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Hi Ziggie,

 

It's not easy to figure out how best to approach a situation like this.

 

I'd find a way to deal with stressful feelings away from your boyfriend so that he is not on the receiving end of them. Vent to a friend or someone else you are close to that can listen to you and relieve some of what is bothering you.

 

Have you or are you receiving counselling to work on your insecurities? If not, this may be a positive move to make to help you work on the things that are causing you problems.

 

With your boyfriend, if you can, try to insert more fun back into the relationship when you are together...whatever that may be...some things you may have done before things took a negative turn. If you can try to lighten things between you both, bring back some of the laughter, and then go away and work on your own personal insecurities things will have a chance to heal.

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Hey why not take a step back and evaluate your relationship. If you look at your relationship from less serious point of view it may help you to realise that all is not lost.

 

 

We only get insecure about something , when we fear its loss ..best thing to do in this situation is to take it head on , this will make you overcome the fear and give you control and rationality.

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If he gets upset when you try to share your feelings with him it can cause great insecurities. Does he ever share his feelings with you or is it mostly one-sided? What you may be experiencing is a relationship with someone who just doesn't deal with emotions in a very functional way. It would take some real personal effort on his part to overcome that if it's what's going on.

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