Coffee date - what to wear and how to relax

[yuki]

I know I'm just meeting a guy for coffee, but it's a big deal to me since I haven't gone out on a date since my long-term relationship ended. I've almost forgotten how to date and am nervous.

 

What should I wear? Should I purposely wear something very casual so that he can focus on me as a person and not how I look? Also, I don't want to be nervous since I'm at my best when I'm relaxed and not care about what other people think, so any tips on how to get rid of this butterfly in the stomach?

[hers]

Jeans & a cute top. No need to overdo it for something so casual.

 

As for the nerviousness, get there early & read a book & thatll get you used to the setting maybe?

[Ammy]

Yuki,

 

Dress casual but pretty. For my coffee dates I usually wear a casual cotton summer dress or skirt with a cute fitted t-shirt/singlet and a say hoop earrings and flat sandals nothing too flashy and showy, but enough to show I put effort in - that is in summer. For winter, I'd wear some nice fitted jeans and cute knit / blouse. I am a very girly girl though, so that is the look I go for. Also depends how old you are? Wear something that you feel comfortable in and fits with your personality.

 

As for the nerves, these will dissipate within a few minutes. Don't focus too much on what he's thinking, just be yourself, talk as you would to a friend, and if all else fails and you clam up, ask him questions and reflect on those.

 

Good luck!

 

Ammy

[amipushy]

Wear something that makes you good and makes you feel like YOU.

[hmdreamer7]

For your nervousness, take deep breaths right before you get there. Avoid caffeine beforehand too. And smile! It not only makes you relax but will probably make your date relax and be more comfortable too.

[yuki]

Thanks hersmudders and Ammy. I've decided what to wear after reading your replies. That was easy.

 

It is weird for me to talk to a stranger as if he's my friend and disclose what's going on with my life when you know that you might never see the guy again...

[Batya33]

I also went for the feminine/flattering but casual and there is no need to overshare or share more than you're comfortable with. Have fun!

[yuki]

Thanks amipushy and hmdreamer 7, yes, I'll remember to be myself, smile, and have fun. I have to remind myself I've got nothing to lose.

 

Does it get easier if you get out there more often? I mean, do you get to the point where you've done it so many times that it just becomes your second nature and there's no nervousness any more and it just becomes a selection process?

[COtuner]

Depends on how attracted to the guys you are..... I suspect if you really like a guy, you'll be a little nervous all the time. You can practice by having coffee "dates" with male coworkers.

[Ammy]

Yuki, don't divulge too much too soon. Start with the normal topics you'd discuss with a new friend - career, study, hobbies, family, friends, etc...

 

Ammy

[Batya33]

Thanks amipushy and hmdreamer 7, yes, I'll remember to be myself, smile, and have fun. I have to remind myself I've got nothing to lose.

 

Does it get easier if you get out there more often? I mean, do you get to the point where you've done it so many times that it just becomes your second nature and there's no nervousness any more and it just becomes a selection process?

 

Yes, definitely although sometimes I would get a bit nervous. (I did well over 100 of these). One thing I would say to myself as I walked over to meet the person (I mean literally, when I walked to the table or walked with him to where we were going to sit) "you are beautiful and glamorous" - now, look, I promise, I felt neither - I am neither - but I said it as a mantra to calm and distract me and also because when I get nervous I am a royal klutz and at a cafe with teensy tables and full cappucinos, I wanted to avert the disaster that is too often me - hence, the "glamorous" part - glamorous and klutzy usually don't go hand in hand.

 

Once in awhile i did homework beforehand - if he liked college football, I read the sports pages, if he was into the stock market (this was some years ago), I read the business section that day, etc. but usually i just relied on the fact that it could be a very short date - 45 minutes or less - and that he had 50% of the responsibility for keeping the convo going.

 

I promise promise promise! - it gets easier.

[zeedee]

I have a coffee date coming up and have the same concerns...want to look nice and appropriate without being too done up and also have some nervousness about the date. What about leggings and a tunic style top?

[zeedee]

Thank you for the great ideas!